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Click hereThe city's two-term mayor was at a four-way stop sign in downtown Pensacola, watching an older woman push a baby stroller through the intersection when she turned an ankle and fell to the ground. Being the gentleman he was, Richard Strickland put his flashers on, got out of his vehicle and went to help the woman. He thought she looked familiar as he approached, then was certain as he helped her to her feet.
"Hello, Traci. Long time, huh?" Richard said quietly as he looked into her face.
In shock from her fall, Traci hadn't recognized the stranger who came to her aid. It was the voice that gave it away, forcing her to take a closer look at her good Samaritan. He looked like an older version of her former husband. Gray streaked his hair and lines were etched into his forehead and around his eyes. His eyes no longer shone bright. Instead they had a somewhat hollow look, despite the small smile he gave her.
"Thank you for the hand, Richard. I guess I've gotten clumsy in my old age," Traci replied.
"If you're old, then I guess that makes me ancient. Remember, I've got you by five years.
"Let me pull my car over, and I'll give you and the little guy a ride home."
Traci waited while Richard parked his car. When he approached again, Traci told him that she was healthy enough to walk home, but if he had the time, she wouldn't mind sitting down with him for a cup of coffee at the coffee shop a half-block away. Richard thought the look in her eyes was more pleading than asking, so he nodded affirmatively.
Traci pushed the stroller ahead of them as they walked the half-block to the coffee shop. Richard's brain was working overtime as they walked. He looked at the child's face as they walked, sadly thinking that in another lifetime this should have been their child. He shook his head to clear that thought, and Traci took a quick sideways glance as he did it.
With that thought gone for the moment, Richard couldn't believe that the woman that he was walking with was his former wife. Although it had only been three years since the divorce, Traci seemed to have aged 20 years in that time. When he first saw her, Richard thought she was the child's grandmother, maybe 50, 55 years old. She only slightly resembled the Traci that was once his wife.
Richard ordered a coffee for himself, a salted caramel latte for Traci and a warm milk for the baby. He had to admit to himself the child was good-looking, being a good mix of both his mother and father.
"You remembered. How sweet," Traci said when she tasted her latte.
Richard blushed slightly. He just ordered without thinking. It was reflex.
"So how have you been, Traci? If I'm not being too forward, are you seeing anyone?"
Traci knew Richard wasn't being invasive. He was being what he always was: a nice guy.
"I haven't dated anyone since I broke it off with Davie," Traci said quietly. "That was quite a shock to me. I guess karma truly is a bitch, but it gave me a chance to get a taste of what I fed to you. Yes, it hurt. I suppose it should give you a little sense of revenge..."
Traci's voice choked off. She had tears in her eyes. Richard sat quietly. At one time, he probably would have reveled in her sad news. After three years, though, Richard's anger had abated. Sadness had replaced vengeance in his heart.
"I'm sorry to hear about that, Traci. Really, I mean that. I don't hate you anymore. I guess if anything, I feel sorry for myself... and for you; for what we lost, and what could have been. To this day, I'm not sure why."
"It took me a long time to totally figure it out, Richard," Traci admitted. "I kind of lost myself there for a while. I think I saw this as a way to indulge my secret fantasy of being a bad girl. I felt like I deserved this, and I could keep you in the dark even though I wasn't really hiding it. I thought I could have my cake and eat it, too. Turns out my cake turned to crap... and all I got out of it was a lousy T-shirt, so to speak.
"And in my stupidity I hurt a good man and threw him away. I'm sorry, Richard. I mean that in all sincerity."
"Well, look at it this way, Traci. One thing good did come out in all this. He's a beautiful child, and at least you will have him around to enjoy his growing up."
Traci looked very guilty at that last statement.
"I know you didn't want children, Traci, but it happened. When God gives you lemons...
"Make the best of it. And never let him know he wasn't wanted. You have an enormous capacity to love. I know that first-hand."
Traci started crying quietly. A moment later, Richard handed her the handkerchief in his pocket. Of course, Traci thought to herself.
"What about you, Richard? Is there someone in your life right now? Please tell me I haven't ruined how you see all women."
"Right now there's no one, Traci, but I'm an optimistic kind of guy. You know that," Richard said. "I guess I'm still a little gun shy. I'll bounce back some day."
Traci dropped her eyes to the tabletop so Richard didn't see how guilty she felt. Richard felt awkward. It was time for him to go. He stood up to leave, but Traci put her hand on top of his to stop him. Richard took the hint from so many years of being with Traci in the past and sat back down.
"Richard... uh... what would be the chance... I mean... you're alone, I'm alone. I know I screwed up once with the greatest guy any woman could ever ask for. But I wouldn't make that same mistake if you would give me a second chance. I can promise you that."
Traci lifted her eyes and looked directly at Richard. He had a thousand-yard stare into the distance for five, maybe 10 seconds before he showed any emotion, finally furrowing his brow.
"God, you can't believe how much I loved you," Richard whispered, causing Traci to lean closer to him. "I wanted so much to believe you were just flirting with him when I saw you two together in that restaurant. I always knew that I wasn't a Greek god, but I truly believed you loved me, maybe even loved me as much as I loved you.
"I gave up my chance to have children. I really wanted kids. You knew that. But I gave that up because I loved you. Then you betrayed my love, betrayed my trust. And then you top it all off by having a child--a child--with that fucking ballplayer!
"I may not be angry anymore, but forgive and forget? Not in this lifetime, Babe."
Richard stood up, ruffled the baby's hair and walked off.
- COMMENTS
All ended up where they chose. to bad richard didn't find himself a family.
As a high value guy it would be easy for him in the real world.
Good read. It's a "tragedy" that almost all of Hooked1957's male MC are too trusting because of their love and their idealized view of the female of the human species.
A comedian sometime ago wore a t- short with a large print: 'Men are pigs'. Below that, smaller: '...women too'. So trust, but verifiy. Draw red lines and insist they aren't overstepped, your wife certainly draws some for you. So guys, fight for your emancipation. or you most likely end up like our good mayor here.
Not for the first time the male MC wants children and marries or stays married to a woman who doesn't want them. Sorry ladies, but non of you are worth to burry that urge which keeps humanity in existence.
Again, good read, but I feel somewhat depressed for the mayor.
Jenna's marriage on the other hand might also be a disaster to happen. The ditched the ballplayer for her future husband, but its only a rational decision to accomodate her boyfriend who made monogamie a prerequisite, but she doesn't seem to feel it, if you catch my drift. Judging from myself there are men and I hope women too, that are hardwired to stay loyal to a spouse. I can truthfully say I was never severely tempted to stray.
One word about the slut wifes in Hooked1957's LW tales. They always seem convinced to still love hubby-somewhat in case of this particular story, but wholeheartedly and exclusively in most of the others. I have a hard time believing that this is even true occasionally in real live, if ever. I know that mankinds efforts to define the term 'love' have remained unsuccessful for thousands of years to this very day. Whatever these cheaters, male or female, feel for their better halves, love it ain't.
I'm off to Hooked1957's next story...
Judging from the vitriol and anger in the LW comments, I'm thinking that the REAL story is in the lives of some of the sad, dissolute, angry, lonely and broken people who so thoroughly vent their spleen at fictional characters, situations and, yes, even at writers who don't fully immolate the "cheaters." Some of y'all need to forgive, beginning with yourselves, move on and learn to live and love, again. Once you do that, you can finally let go of the hate, the humiliation and the anger. I know first hand. It's better than winning the lottery. Good luck to you all.
Jenna might have been promiscuous but when push came to shove she committed honestly to the man she loved. Her subsequent life reflected the results of that.
Traci was married so should have been committed to her husband but was not. She reaped the seeds she had sown so to speak. The result for her was regret and remorse.
A nice story and it earned 5 stars
It’s a shame that Jenna ended up with a happy ending. I think she deserved to be dumped and end up with a slightly below average life. She wouldn’t be unhappy, but never truly feel loved.
This man can definitely write. This is a great story where the cheating pair get their karma. He cheats on the cheating Traci and the angry husband kicks his ass and ruins his career. The bitch gets saddled with a child she doesn’t want. Love it.
Well, she got what she bought. The price was a lot higher than even she could believe... thank you.
As usual Traci was completely delusional. First thinking her long term affair was no big deal and surprised Richard filed. Then thinking the best way to stop the divorce was to go spend five weeks banging Davie in Miami. Then she gets pregnant. Then she is cheated on by Davie and ends up a single mother. Alone. And even more crazy thinks somehow that maybe Richard would take her back, just because he is still alone...
Contrary to urban legends and incorrect LW tropes, there is actually a negative correlation between wealth and likelihood of adultery for married women. Meaning the more wealth they have, the less likely they are to cheat, and reverse if poor. Makes sense in that many women in the real world want security. However there so no correlation between wealth and likelihood of adultery for married men. Meaning they cheat at the same probability regardless of wealth.
To go one step further, for married women, if the wife earns much less money than he rhusbabd she is more likely to cheat and much less likely to cheat if she makes more than her husband (contrary to LW mythos everywhere). On the other hand the less a man makes than his wife OR the more he makes than his wife, the more likely he is to have an extramarital affair. On the other hand the closer the two are to equal incomes, the less likely the husband is to cheat.
So saying successful people have aide pieces and that is to be expected is actually divorced from reality. No correlation for married men and a negative correlation for married women.
Funny really, she probably hadn't aged and looked really good because three year olds are a treat and all the late nights etc are over and normalcy will have returned along with a sexy milf bod.
So funny and telling how many writers try to make out that single available women just let themselves go once they've been dumped. It's funny because it's generally the sahm that have a false sense of security and a lack of drive or depression that let themselves go, until the husband cheats and leaves them for a younger thinner model.
No way do I endorse Traci's behaviour, but having a side piece is pretty endemic among successful people and has been throughout history.
The MCs biggest failing was in getting a vacectomy like he was some house pet rather than a man. If she wished to make the choice of not having kids even though they had the wealth to hire a nanny etc., the precautions should have been in her.
Well written. Thanks God you did not have the Mayor take his ex back. Some of you readers do not seem to understand that after going through the whole experience a man might take a long time to risk letting a woman into his private life again and would be a difficult thing to do.
Slut deserved a lot more pain. Arsehole ball player should been permanently crippled
Richard may be a good mayor but he is somewhat limited in actual real world day to day brain power!! Yeah he FINALLY got rid of the bitch so why isn’t he enjoying his single life?? The best salve for a broken heart is to find a new woman and grab on for the ride!!
Any man who has a vasectomy for any reason whatsover is a moron. Let her go have at7bal ligation or hysterectomy. Women insist that procreation or not is their body their perogative and should take the steps to ensure that. Imagine the screaming hairy legged man haters castigation of men should they insist that if they didn't want children or more children insisted that the woman get fixed
Just a niggle I can't get my head around. Why was she still getting alimony when the divorce said no alimony if she was living with Davie?
Other than that, a good story, well written.
Good story, with some karma, and an interesting contrast.
I would think a mayor elected easily would meet some interesting women to take his mind off of his problems, women are good at that.
Mayor's wife is pretty public, Traci might have been caught more quickly, and others might have warned her to stop or to protect her own (and her husband's) reputation.
Richard, stop feeling sorry for yourself. Reverse the Vasectomy. Find a young trophy wife and have some kids. The mayor should have a line of wannabe wives. Go for it. Forget the loser ex and move on.
The biggest problem with this story is that you made the ex husband a public figure, the mayor. I have lived in the Bible Belt and while affairs are as frequent there as anywhere else, decorum requires discretion. Pensacola is a small city of approximately 50,000 people. The mayor’s wife would be way too well know to publicly date another man. There is just no way that would ever happen.
This was straight forward, she loved the ball player more than the husband, liked the sex better with the ball player……a whole lot better! Problem was she had no capacity to either judge nor love the CHARACTER of the two men. So she paid the price………the other girl acted ethically and chose correctly…..she had the ability to judge the two men in her life on the totality of their whole person……Tracy didn’t. R. H.
Many writers used the "I deserve to cheat". I'm puzzled. I've never heard a man say that, even if they do cheat. It's a phony justification. I wonder if I'm oblivious and that women do feel that way.
Traci was a whore, and a loser. But why did you decide to make the husband a loser too? He could easily have met and married another woman, with children, or have children with him, or both. Traci's character, choices and life were constant and consistent. But you morphed the husband from bright successful man of the people to some kind of pitiful loaner; totally inconsistent with his character and other behavior. You could have had the same or even better ending with the ex husband's new wife and children coming into the coffee shop, gathering him up and heading off to lunch, leaving Traci in her self created misery. Still, thanks for the effort.
Traci was a foolish woman and showed no evidence of growing wise as the story ended. The "Temple of Doom" quote was nicely used. There was hope for Richard when we last saw him, but he would soon exit the comfortable age range to father children. Missing that opportunity is something for which it would be difficult to forgive Traci in this lifetime.
Re: third batter, one out, bases empty - First or second batter hit a home run, the other made an out.
\
Jenna left with Davie, but he had dinner with Traci?
Great work to put the confrontation at the end. Subtle as it was soo effectiiv. Made the story
Well that’s what a great many men would do, some would take her back and forever wonder…..
Nicely put together with a believable plot I liked it.
""I gave up my chance to have children. I really wanted kids. You knew that. But I gave that up because I loved you. Then you betrayed my love, betrayed my trust. And then you top it all off by having a child--a child--with that fucking ballplayer!
She cheated him out of a chance to have children of his own because she didn't want them but gets pregnant by her lover and doesn't abort it. Then has the audacity to suggest about getting back together so he can help her raise her bastard son. She was pure evil and cruel. In some ways, you hope her kids grows up to disrespect her and give her all kinds of problems then leaves her alone as an old woman.
Good story.
The "chose poorly" quote is from Last Crusade, not Temple of Doom, FYI. 🙂
Now you are not usually this good but this story is good. Very realistic and not simplistic except perhaps the "chance" encounter in the end. Woman dropping on a street for mayor to stop and help? Without that lemonade parable it would have been 5 stars. This way 4. Not bad at all.
You are one of my ‘go to’ writers, albeit a newer one. As I also follow Richard Gerald, ohio, Rehnquist etc, take that as you will.
I have started and stopped this story three times.
It does not scan well and Jena and Evan seem superfluous to the story.
Love a lot of your other stuff though, even stories which are otherwise poorly rated
A few glaring holes, otherwise a credibly good plot, but there was a general lack of emotional connection here.
He did the right thing walking away from that woman. She is misery, infidelity and selfishness rolled into one.
Ok. This story could have been titled”;A tale of two sluts!”.
The only thing we don’t know, is if slut #2, ever cheated on her boyfriend, once she became exclusive. I remember a couple years ago, I was taking my 4 runner and boat, to get gas after being detailed. They were both red, and shined like they were new. Two different woman, one on the way in, one on the way out, gave me the “ look” . They were both in cars, with their guys. I am thinking both in committed relationships, and both were ready to cheat, at the drop of a pin. And neither one of them, would have given me a second look, if I was driving my 2009 Fit. It is unfortunate, that so many “ modern woman”, are only a life support system for their pussy. As outlandish as this story was, I am sure it happens to married women, every day.
5 stars.
I don't feel the emotions here at all. It looks like a summary of a story, reporting the hard facts and that's all. 2
Why didn't anyone tell Richard vasectomies are REVERSIBLE?. Also, did she know he always wanted children? If so, why did she marry him knowing she didn't want kids? And why did he marry her knowing she didn't want kids? I'm just a little lost. I'm not sure if the writer spoke on this. If this wife was fully aware of her future husband wanting kids, deceived him into believing she wanted them also. Waited until they've been married a few year's to demand he gets a vasectomy. He shouldve divorced her then cause it proved her to be a deceitful conniving bitch. And he's an idiot for getting it down. Marriage isn't built on just making one spouse happy. Marriage is about making EACH OTHER happy. They could've used condoms or she could've gotten on birth control if she didn't want kids. Or she could've just gave that man a child. She claim she love him and want him to be happy. 🤭🤭🤭...She loves that he loves her. She loves herself. Her actions throughout their whole marriage, leading all the way up to the divorce says it all. She's a selfish, self centered slut. Don't marry someone who likes to flirt and thinks flirting is OK. Flirting ALWAYS leads to other things. It's disrespectful to your mate. It was only a matter of time before this wife started going beyond flirting... he's a fool for not seeing her flirting as a red flag. Why didn't the writer make Richard move on? His life sounded sad and depressing.
Ok story, but why are the Richard and Ewan so passive? What kind of man watches his wife walk into a restaurant with another man and do absolutely nothing about it, flirt or not? At least walked over and introduce yourself and see whats going on. And when Ewan saw Jenna at the game alone flirting with Davie, why didn't he confront her? Yes, they hadn't talked about being exclusive but this might have been the time. No, instead he just folds and walk away...
...but am scratching my head over the inclusion of the parallel story of Evan and Jenna. This substory adds nothing to the basic plot other than confirming the immaturity of the studmuffin ballplayer. I don't think Stella growing up and getting her new groove with Evan is contributes anything. Did the near simultaneous birth of the Evan/Stella baby and the Traci/Davie baby have some significance that I am not smart enough to glean? Why is this filler in a tale written by an author known for a concise, tight plot? Oh well, nice story, Hooker.
Keep 'em comin'.
Pretty good, until the end. What a wimp, sissy Richard was... He must wanted to taste a man's cum out of his wife's cunt.
It was a good read. And how much better Traci's life would have been if she'd had an abortion-you don't love the children you don't have.
A fitting outcome for all. It’s a good story, would be helped by getting inside the characters’ heads and playing more with emotions.
One thing nags at me: if the man doesn’t want children, he can get a vasectomy. It’s on him to ensure his preferences. If a wife doesn’t want children, it’s on her to have her tubes tied. Richard was a fool for getting a vasectomy at her request.
I gave it 5* specifically because he didn't take her back. I've known three different men who got snipped because their wives didn't want children, while I was in the military. All three wives eventually cheated and got knocked by their bf, the divorces were swift but really painful for one guy because she got part of his retirement (married 16 yrs). The two younger ones got it reversed but only one was.sucessful. So yeah guys do a lot of "dumb" things for love. I got snipped after my third kid was born. One of the best decisions I ever made. I was divorced after 21 hrs of marriage (only 19 yrs 7 mo in the service) coz the ex had a mid-life crisis and she got 35% of my retirement. Turns out she's bipolar :-D Karma is a bitch!
8 weeks later Richard received a check and a letter: "Dear Richard, what you said to me the last time we met got me thinking. Until then I didn't fully realize what I did to you and seeing your hollow look made it even worse. I know saying sorry doesn't help anyone but I want you to know that I never stopped loving you. Unfortunatly my love was overlapped by selfishness and lust and some other not so good characteristics. But I want you to do something, not for me but for you. I want you to take a vasectomy reversal and I hope for you it will be successful. Then I want you to find a woman you can love and loves you equally and start a family. I hope that will bring back the shine in your eyes. Enclosed is a check. I know it won't cover the full expenses but I want you to take it as part of my penance. I saved this money for my own expenses, not from my sons. I hope you will be happy again soon. With all my love, Traci"
*** romantic kitsch off ***
Hooked would seem to be impudent and foolhardy to invite comparison with the writer whom many believe to be the greatest novelist of all time. Surprisingly, Hooked survives the exchange.
I was relieved at the end that Traci had not thrown herself under the wheels of a train, like poor Anna Karenina.
In fact, Hooked has done Tolstoy one better in his portrayal of the MC, Richard. Tolstoy portrays his MC, Karenin, as a cold fish. But if Karenin is doomed to lose Anna, at least he gets to keep his beloved son. Here, Hooked ups the pathos quotient by making Richard deeper and more sympathetic than Karenin, while denying him offspring and leaving him a bleak ending.
Should we start referring to Hooked as Lev?
yes yes yes the self entitled bitch got what she deserved karma is a bitch well written story enjoyed it 5* for me well done
The fact that Richard was dumb enough to get snipped dropped this to 4 stars for me tbh.
Other than that, this is a great story.
enjoyed it, 5 stars. creative changing perspectives, it was disorienting at times but pretty good.
Richard and Traci ending was fantastic.
Need a bit more on Davie's ending, he flew under the radar a bit after his career derailed. At one point you made him excited about the baby and the next, Traci is a single mother. It was a bit of a discrepancy.
I liked Jenna and her response to Davie but I wanted to see Jenna make a bit more effort for Evan. He didn't extend an olive branch, he just have her the whole tree. That was probably the weaker part of their story.
Good story line. Trying to write the emotions of the opposite gender is difficult, , but for the most part, you did it well. I was worried you were going to make the kid Richard’s, glad that didn’t happen. David was well written as an immature, conceited jock who ended up getting just what he deserved, as did Traci!
Just goes to show, flirting is harmless until it isn't. Especially when it's done by an entitled woman who thinks she can have her marriage and a boy toy on the side.
Liked the story.
I thought that was going RAAC at the last minute there...
Good story, enjoyed it and the mirroring of Davie's conquests.
A couple of nitpicks:
She chose poorly - I thought that was from The Last Crusade. (I never liked Temple of Doom so couldn't quote anything from it)
Richard was still paying her alimony - I thought there was a clause that he would stop paying if she shacked up with Davie... obviously he didn't get that through and retain that shred of dignity even.
Just have to comment:
On page 3 Indiana Jones quote is from Last Crusade not Temple of Doom; as stated in this story....
Yes, Tolstoy.
This was a very well written story.
With a good solid plot.
But ...
We can't change the cards we're delt.
But we can do the best with those we have.
Richard didn't.
He was brought down to his knees by a slut.
Nothing in this story suggests he tried to get back on his feet.
In his personal life.
And that's what I don't like in this story.
4 out of 5 from me.
I really like this author. But I wish the husband could have been happy in the end. Maybe remarried. The vasectomy reversed. A couple kids. I get that this is more realistic but it's sad to me. I also don't understand how Traci would feel no guilt for what she was doing. I mean none? Finally, he knew she was cheating and allowed it to continue! I NEVER understand that in these stories. Why not try to stop it right away and save the marriage? I could never sit back and let an affair continue. I don't get it.
Why is it that these women so often have no trouble betraying their husbands but getting an abortion is out of the question? Or even adoption? They clearly lack morals regarding their marriage. I'm surprised it wouldn't apply to children as well.
Saw one comment where the person seemed more involved in the math than the story WTF! Must be a retired math teacher. Great story.
I believe that's what I said, that a vasectomy is easier. My more pertinent point is that when it's the woman who is more definite in never having children, then a tubal ligation ensures that barring a reversal, she won't have children even if she is in a new relationship, while a vasectomy prevents him from having children if he's ever in a new relationship.
Good story. I'm glad he didn't take Tracy back. No self respecting man can overcome such a betrayal. 5* (signed ML)
One thing I thought dumb was why Traci did not get her tubes tied to make sure she did not have kids. Instead she had her husband get a vasectomy. I know it is supposed to be less traumatic for a vasectomy but still it WAS her choice... Words of wisdom for any young man out there whose wife says she never wants kids but wants him to get snipped instead of her.
Well done; 5*. Good characters, well developed. Pensacola isn't that big, and Traci is a semi-public person. Does Jenna find out what happened to Traci and get a clue?
Don't really understand what Evan and Jenna had to do with this story, their sub plot went nowhere. And that line is from Last Crusade, not Temple of Doom.
Good plot, nice writing, good conclusion. But for some reason the style did not engage me.
I always read Mr 1957's stories, just to see what a new Traci has done.
Just for Mr Brooks: tubal ligation is easy in some cases, but a vasectomy is a simpler, easier and cheaper procedure.
Some commenters said that, right up to the end, they were afraid Richard would take Traci back, but Mr 1957's male characters never do that.
Good story, sort of a slice of life. Are the other couple, Evan and Jenna, going to feature in another story sometimes?
.
I notice that someone else also caught the "Chose Poorly" mistake, definitely from "Last Crusade". Didn't disrupt the story at all, nor mar my enjoyment of it.
Superb story and all very real and believable, beautifully written. Thank you.
Well written and I liked that he had a subplot going with the other couple. You don't see that often in LW stories. 5 stars from me.
WOW! Never would have expected that ending, lol. I was setting here listening by my TextAloud text reader and was saying, "Noooooooo"! Then? The happy ending. "Fuck off and die bitch"! hahahahaha EXCELLENT! 150 BIG STARS!
Decent overall, but Richard's character was a contrived sham. How is he this dynamic far sighted self sacrificing successful politician, but he can't find a decent woman to share his life with? Do you know that politicians are as appealing as jocks to many women? Do you know vasectomies can be reversed? Do you know how many virtuous single mothers are available to a decent man who wants a real family?
Richard was a putz when he agreed to the vasectomy. Knowing she had that kind of power over the dumb shit, why not fuck around with a Greek God boy toy? The only thing surprising is that Richard was surprised. Traci was a shallow selfish arrogant bitch from the moment he met her. Richard got exactly what he married, and deserved.
You can type whatever words you want, but it doesn't make sense for Richard to be so forlorn and lonely. That ruined an otherwise excellent story.
Thanks for the effort.
Not a bad effort. It feels like you made changes after Randi edited the story, there are simple mistakes she doesn't make. Always run the final draft past your editor if you are going to use her name
What a great story! Hooked has punished the cheaters completely, and given a realistic outcome for the betrayed husband. The irony of the punishment was that Davie lost his bright baseball career cheating on the cheater. The bitch Traci lost her husband, her lover, her looks, and got stuck with the last thing she never wanted. A child. One of the best Hooked has done in a while.
Another good one from Hooked. A bit uneven at times…like the Jenna sideshow an$ tne lack of any real insight into the person David was.
.
But Traci got what she deserved in tne end….and praise Zeus that Richard did NOT take the bitch back in the end.
.
4 ****
A slightly different twist involving a baseball star in the story. It was well done from start to finish. not much to add other than thanking you for your submission.
Whew! For a minute there, I thought Richard was gonna let me down! On a hopeful note, in these modern times, many vasectomies are reversible. I’ll never understand it though, kids or no kids is one of the most important discussions a couple can have BEFORE they get married. I’d like to see Richard shake this off and meet that younger woman who must be out there given his station in life. He gets the reversal, or sperm harvesting at the very least. Who cares if he’s 55 and she’s 30? He still has a realistic shot at meeting his grand children, the first one anyway.
"She chose poorly," he thought to himself as he slightly changed a remembered line from the movie "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom."
Umm...actuallly...that was Last Crusade.
Sorry, couldn't resist the impulse.
Karma's other name life's a bitch as another author (s) said. Good story and I enjoyed jtwheels
Helluva story
About Jenna, if a girl is fucking more than one guy at a time, she’s not wife material.
About Traci, if a woman asks you to have a vasectomy, run.
Tired of the bs by women, the men who break up marriages never get what they deserve. Couldn't stand to finish it.
Liked it, kind of odd, the girl that just wanted to jump Davie's bones because the sex was great found true love with Evan and saw Davie was a dead end. Traci went into the affair thinking it was harmless flirting and lost everything because she wanted to trade 'DOWN' from Richard to a flash in the pan ball player who hadn't yet made it to the majors. And why if the sex was only a few notches better with Davie didn't she see it was because it forbidden, forbidden only last just so long. I could see Richard taking Traci back but only as a FWB. Never as a wife. He might even get attached to the kid who was innocent in all this. Besides it would be poetic justice if the kid thought of Richard as the father figure and Davie as just the guy who paid the child support. All that money for child support and still rejected by his son because he wasn't there. Even better if the kid made it to the majors and gave all the credit to Richard because it was Richard that took him to his little league games and played pitch for hours with him and was his biggest fan, rooting at his school games and college games as he grew up. Karma baby.
Very interesting to have a story told on several levels. For me it was well designed, the protagonists and their behavior was understandable and the stark contrasts of how the lives of several people develop when the wrong or right decisions are made. Entertained me very well. Thanks for that!
P.S. I love Tolstoy and I obviously got the parallel.
I really appreciate your efforts. Thank you!
"Two weeks later Traci was sure she had missed her period." - I agree with Powersworder. When BOTH partners are sure they never want children, yes, a vasectomy is less invasive and makes sense. But when it's the woman, she should get her tubes tied, for exactly the situation we see here - if she gets a new partner, she still can't have any children, where if he gets a new partner, he'll still be able to have children.
Dang! Yet another 5 for Hooked1957. Well written, good story flow, and a bittersweet ending. Here's hoping for a vasectomy reversal and a good, fertile woman for the Mayor. Traci's situation, her fate, is reminiscent of another Traci's in another Hooked1957 story, his classic "The Thunderbolt."
Well written but so overflowing with cliches it was a struggle to force myself to see if you actually went with anything original but you didn't.
That is really too bad, because clearly you have writing skills but you seem stuck in the same box with the majority of writers here.
His wife was written in such a way that A) No one could give the slightest shit about her and B) making her such a self centered twat hoping to manipulate the reader to get where you wanted them to be, but couldnt by using your writing skill.
This gem proves my point ""I'm going to head back to Miami for a few weeks, stay with Davie. We'll be back in October. That should give you time to figure things out," Traci said.
Im 100% correct in my assessment of this story. The husband was written well but the rest was tired old cliches and manipulation. The easily amused BTB crowd will see this as a great story, but they have set a low bar.
Hooked, I really like seeing a submission from you, but this time it was a fail.
Boyd oozed confidence as he swaggered up to the plate as the third batter of the inning for Pensacola.
With the bases empty and one out, Boyd ran the count full, then took a 96 mile-per-hour fastball over the wall in left field.
How can he be the third batter if there is one out and no one on base?
His short brown here showed no sign of graying, and his regular time spent at the gym gave him a toned and somewhat muscular physique.
Did you mean short brown hair?
Traci was the well-kept wife of a successful attorney for the first 11 years of the couple's marriage, before the lawyer decided a little more than two years ago he needed to become mayor of the small city in which they resided.
Richard knew his wife was a major flirt and had the goods to back it up, but he also trusted that her flirting was just that and nothing more. From time to time during his 10 years of marriage, he had his doubts, but every time he did some checking, Traci had come up innocent.
Richard was 31 when the two married.
OK, first it was 11+2 or 13 years. Then it was ten, which was it?
Evan wasn't born yesterday, and he knew what he was looking at. He was unsettled, but as she sat in the stands thinking about it, he realized that neither he nor Jenna had ever made a commitment to being exclusive. When Davie exited the ballpark, Jenna practically jumped into his strong arms and the two got into Davie's new Porsche.
They came out of the restaurant holding hands, then each got into their own cars and drove to Davie's house. When did Traci enter the picture?
Jenna and Evan contributed nothing to the story why write them in. Still a good story.
A great day, Hooked AND JPB stories. Loved them both but a slight edge to you Hooked, you had Randi editing. Thanks to all three - you made our Sunday!
somewhere east of Omaha
Sorry gave up after the second page. To much moving around maybe page breaks are needed. Just not my cup of tea
Mac - you and others like you are what is stupid. What is wrong with enjoying a story simply because you enjoy reading. You act like a teenager 'tagging' a story, opinions are like assholes and few would care to see either.
Again Hooked, you are one of the writers that people love to read. Thank you for your tales.
somewhere east of Omaha
Great, well-written, plot- and character-driven story! LOVED the hard right turn at the end! 5++/5!!
Good story over all. Compared to most of what we get in this genre? This IS Tolstoy. Life and karma have a way of doling out ample punishment and justice to those deserving of it. And this story did a good job describing that. The wife and despicable ball player got theirs.
She'll be a single mom for 15 more years...having to live in the city where her ex-husband is the successful mayor and attorney/power broker. She'll never have much. Especially once the ex-husband stops paying her alimony. Child support and whatever she can make out of a career.
The ball player's career is over at the hands of the construction worker. If he is lucky then he'll accept it without depression and substance abuse...and he'll find work as a hitting coach somewhere and make a decent living. But nothing like the contract he would have signed after his rookie deal. Even a .275 average player who hits for power (30 plus home runs per year) and who can play defense...would be locked in for at least 7 to 10 million a year plus incentives with a multi year deal. He blew it big time all to get some married pussy. He'll have to live with that. And if he is coaching? He'll have to watch less gifted players come and go, living the dream he never got to fully realize. That's torture.
And the ex-husband/mayor? He's single 3 years after. But c'mon. That's because he doesn't trust yet. My guess is...within another 2 or 3 years...as many meetings. Lunches. Dinners. Mixers. Catered affairs. Conferences. That he is required to attend? As a successful and relatively handsome man? He comes into contact with literally dozens of potential single women every single month. Between the ages of 30 and 50. The larger Pensacola Meteo area has to have hundreds of thousands of people living there. He's the mayor of a the largest city in the metro area. His photo is in the newspapers probably at least 3 times a month. He IS well known and highly respected. Women notice this. He'll meet the right woman sooner or later in his social circle. She'll have her own history and they'll work out their trust issues together. He won't be single forever. That's just the way it is with successful, attractive people. He'll be happy again.
Especially after his encounter with his ex-wife. It was probably the closure he needed. She oozed regret and unhappiness. And he he confronted the option of being with her again...stared at her right in the face and said "nope" and walked away. Closure and moving on.
Good story.
I did enjoy the story and all of the baseball stuff. 24 is kind of old for a hot prospect and I don't really think the Jenna and Evan stuff enhanced the story much. But thanks for another good story.
Good one Hooked. You had my blood pressure going up fast at the end but you had Richard hit a grandslam and win the game.