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Click hereThis is my first story in this genre, so I hope I don't disappoint.
(Can't jump into sex on the first page. :))
Chapter 1
She tried to make herself as inconspicuous as possible. No one here knew her. She was just another face in the crowd. This was the hottest night club in town, and she just wanted to feel the life surrounding her. The music was loud, the lights were low, and the group wild.
As she slowly sipped her martini and looked around the dance floor, it pulsed with life and reminded her that there was life outside the shell that she had built around herself. She had toed the line, done what was expected of her. Anything money could buy, she had. But the loneliness ate at her, day and night.
So she had escaped. Lied to everyone that she had an important engagement to attend. Tonight was her last night of freedom, before she handed it to another, who would have the same rigid expectations as her parents.
She had thought to just pick up a guy, maybe dance the night away. But now all she wanted was to be left alone. She hadn't dressed to impress. She had donned the simplest of her cocktail dresses. Black satin, with a square neckline and short sleeves, the hem stopping just above the knees, and a slim white belt at the waist.
She knew how to use makeup to enhance her best features, but tonight, she had only applied the barest of blush and pink tinged lip gloss. Her dense black hair was caught in a claw comb at the back of her head, leaving the rest to fall in waves down to mid-back. Violet eyes, pert nose and full lips with a slight overbite, she told herself no one would find her the least appealing, so they shouldn't bother her. What she didn't realize was that without much makeup, her natural beauty shone even more. Her rare violet eyes attracting any male who was lucky enough to get a glimpse of them.
As the music changed from hard rock to a soothing melody, her body began to slowly sway to the music. Several men came up to her and asked for a dance, but though she flirted with them, she turned them down.
"Damn," she thought, "why don't they just leave me alone? I guess it's time to hit the road. I don't need anymore of this."
She quickly finished up the last of her martini and paid the tab. As she rose in preparation to leave, another guy came up to ask for a dance. This time, he managed to get a hold of her right hand.
"I guess your date never showed up, huh? Name's Mark. How 'bout a dance?"
"I'm sorry," she replied. "I'm tired. Maybe next time."
The guy didn't look too bad, but by the fumes in his breath, he was quite drunk. He kept swaying closer and closer. She tried to gather up her purse but tugged her hand to no avail. He was not letting go of her hand, and she really didn't want to cause a scene. That was the last thing she needed.
"Please, sir, let go of my hand," she quietly asked.
"Mark. The name's Mark, honey. And you haven't told me your name," slurred her admirer.
"Well, Mark, let go of my hand," she said with gritted teeth.
As she was preparing to extricate herself from Mark's unwanted attentions, the back of her neck started tingling. She could feel someone else's eyes on her. Shit, she thought. She had to control her reaction and not look around immediately. She knew she had to get out of there as fast as possible, but she didn't want to call more attention to herself.
"All right," she smiled at Mark, "one dance. But I've got to hit the ladies' room first."
"Sure, fine," he answered.
She thought he would sit in her seat and wait for her, but as she started towards the back, he followed. Damn and double-damn, she fumed. She had hoped to slip out without having to go all the way to the back. The tingling at the base of her neck started getting worse and her heart rate sped up, as Mark's hand started traveling down her back. To get his hand off her, she started walking faster. And because he was pretty drunk, he couldn't keep up with her strides.
She start weaving around people, and once, she heard a "hey" behind her, which meant Mark had bumped into someone. Glad for that, she walked even faster and started looping around, in order to get to the front. She finally breathed a sigh a relief when she reached the doors. She still felt someone's eyes on her, but when she looked back, there was no sign of Mark. Everyone was doing their own thing.
"I'm getting totally paranoid," she thought.
The doorman opened the door for her, and she stepped out into the night.
and bring us more.
tell the story you want.
in the way you want to tell it.
But what there was I found quite intriguing; I do hope you will bring us more and expand on what promises to be a very readable story. Welcome, new author, thank you for your efforts and please have four stars with my good wishes -- and don't take too much notice of grumpy folks!
It's an opening paragraph. Why bother to read it? Nothing and I mean NOTHING happens. Stupid waste of time. Girl goes to dance club, has a drink, doesn't dance and leaves. What part of NO STORY don't you understand?
if you decided to proceed with your story. This is not drivel! It's well-written but a little on the short side. There are three things I personally would've liked to have read: a longer chapter, a name for her, and a cliffhanger. You've setup a solid foundation so far. You won't be able to satisfy everyone's literary appetite but that's okay. Don't let negative comments and the voting deter you from continuing. Good luck!