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Click hereHe simply stared at me with his massive face expressionless and flat.
“Will she be okay? I don’t want to just leave her.”
“I don’t know. Mistress will come back to check on her when she feels better. Now you-“
“Now I go home, I know, I know.”
I said a silent goodbye to Amber and, with a wounded heart and a broken soul, jumped away.
- COMMENTS
Well that was...disturbing. Get yourself a proper editor and you'll be well on your way to being one of the best authors on the site.
Clearly you're one of the few talented writers here.
Well that made for difficult reading. Definitely not much of a turn on, but very well written.
That chapter was just incredible. You have a Harry Potter book in you.
dude that was borderline sick, it got the point across but holy shit that was sick.
I'd really like to see how this plays out! Quite an intriguing twist!
Dude... just wow. That's some good good writing.
Side note, just to help you out, you misspelled "wrapped" in the scene where the paladin grabs the door handle. Doesn't bother me, but I always notice spelling stuff so out of respect for your story I'm letting you know. Thanks again for the read.
I wasnt completly sure about this stoy until I read this chapter. Absoultly masterful. The fear, the regret, the anger. Perfect.
I simply can`t fit in words, how wonderfull your writing is. I really got lost in your storry; the way you write, the storry goes direktly into the mind. I haven`t got better words to explain it. I never ran across anything even close to your quality; not on the net and not in "real" books. And I read a lot... Do yourself a favor and keep writing. In general I mean, not only this specific storry. Thanks a lot.
This has been a tremendous read,from start to finish, chapter to chapter. I have been routinely giving each chapter a 100%, and right from the start, I have been impressed with the obvious intelligence of the author. It is with trepidation that I submit a mild criticism. I have noticed a few grammatical errors, and I am sure that they are from carelessness. I didn't feel it necessary to mention anything unless it appeared more than once. With that in mind, I would point to the proper use of (your. you're)(to.too)(losing, loosing)(there, their). These are insignificant nit-picking points, and should not detract from your wonderful story.
I couldn't take myself away from your story. if at any time you get published, I would like to know. I will buy it immediately. I
I have been an avid reader for years, I have never ever left a comment on any story I have found on literotica, however after reading the chapters you have from start to finish I couldn't not write about how excellent I found your storytelling. Your writting is clearly novel-worthy.
In response to Good Idea I thought the story was extremely well thought and well written any more torture may have turned readers off. There is a sarp line their and I thought that you walked it perfectly from beginning to end.
Truly an amazing story. PLEASE write more.
Man, that was fantastic..... I couldn't stop reading.... What happens next??? That was probably good enuff to be published..... great work..... hope to read more of the story soon
I can't wait for the next chapter. You have done a very good job with the story line. THe character development is also great. I can not wait to see what happens next.
I love your story.. very well written, excellent background, characters alive and three dimensional. You might want to try and either write your chapters faster or write the entire story, then break it up and post it. It's torture having to wait for so long, hon!
To "Delighted"... when you go criticizing people's stories due to lack of education or English not being their native tongue, you should PROOF READ your own comment BEFORE posting it. It's self righteous pricks like you who piss everybody off. Of course, you wouldn't put your real name next to your comment. How predictable.
Well done, Stephen! Don't pay any mind to the religious zealots like the person who left the comment earlier. If they're so religious, should they really be browsing the sex site anyway? Isn't God going to be mad or something?
Saff
Carried me at speed all the way. Please keep writing this story - I'll happily follow wherever you choose to take it.
Love this story, cant wait to read more of it.
Please, PLEASE!!!, write more of this!
the plots and twists n turns are amazing, there's no other way i can describe this!
This must be one of the best stories I have ever read on Literotica.com. I hope you continue writing it, I can't wait to read more. Everything was absolutely amazing.
Fantastic work! Have you ever thought about writing novels? Your story is truly excellent - I especially love the way the characters and the plot are slowly yet grippingly developped. I wish I could know the end! Please keep working on it! Thanks again for your great work.
I am delighted to see stories of this caliber on Literotica.
Keep up with the series and I will enjoy it. I am impressed
with the quality of your effort. It is a pleasure to see your
choice of language, so many of the stories here seem to be
written with by people with a poor command of the language.
True this may be because of poor education or someone writing
in what is not their native language. Thanks
I normally can't stand rape or real torture, but this has been very well done. Had it been any more I would've stopped reading. If I hadn't read all other chapters before and didn't know there was more to it then just a sick mind inflicting pain, I would've stopped reading.
I did not find this story arrousing in any way personally, but it was already shown in earlier chapters there's far more to the storyline as just that. In fact, it was done so well it made me feel like the main character, wanting to fight what was inside.
To think that you can find novel quality writing on the internet these days, and on an erotica site at that. Your series has been captivating so that I've read it through three times now and I still can't get enough of it. I can't wait to see what happens next. You've managed to tap into the kind of captivation that leaves you wanting more, you never want the story to end, but at the same time I'm sure you will manage to tie in an ending that will make it all perfect. Once again, marvelous work, keep it up!
i am a write and i have to say it was very good i liked that you said there was no god even though you got some complants and i think they can go to hell there are meny resons people look to a false god but i am not going to get into that right know make the fights more god like like very fast past ones with perfect harmany fighting not monsters throwing rocks at each other make it like the gods or one of them gives him a sword a magic one that can boust your fighting and then make it like he recalls when he had fencieing lessons and another thing i would change is make the evil guy set up things for war and onder consern that you will die one of them gives you a sword so when the war comes you can be the hero you did a great job writing and thoughs where just thing i said to help you out
This is exactly like a train wreck...
The series is captivating. I can't wait to read more. Please keep them coming.
The whole series is great but i just have to say to Thought and every other religious person...FUCK YOU stop fucking putting religion fucking everywhere you go. Just fucking give it up. You fucking ruin life putting religion into it! FUCK! YOU PEOPLE PISS ME OFF!