by geezzer57
Clunky writing. Too formal and lots of irrelevant information. You said more about the food than the sex. No one cares. Your dialogue is terrible. No one talks like that.
Good plot, but the story needs some proofreading. Wrong tense for lie and lay. A couple of is for his in the same sentence. Other problems throughout. Try reading your story out loud, including punctuation marks, before submitting. Also try getting an editor.