All Comments on 'Sergeant! Ch. 03'

Your timing for this story was great - just before Veteran's Day. The story line was really good. Keep up the good work.

Good storyline, great climax scene in the kidnaper's house, however; (and you must realize that everthing that follows this is all just literary criticism, not a detractor from the storyline, which was great) The description of the surroundings and of the planning of the assault was very stilted. It sounded more like staging directions than the build up to an action scene. Just a bit of advice, you don't have to pre-place everyone in a set piece like that. Just describe it as you move along. The ramp up to the action scene was just way to slow-moving. If there is going to be action, don't dampen it by giving away all the plans, it just kinda cuts down on the anticipation and suprise elements. Great scene, just not presented right. The end, I'm sorry to say, was a fizzle. The scene with the president and the promotion was cheesy and detracted from the story. The story should have ended with the first hospital scene and concluded with the moment Annalisa left, with one addition, the offer of him staying with Sheila. The final love scene at the apartment could have been added then with a very brief one or two sentance mention of the promotion and the job. Maybe as a descriptor sentance mentioning captains bars on the uniform as she takes it off. Don't worry too much though, it just takes practice and feedback.

This was my 3rd reading (I thought I had commented on a previous reading), obviously I like it. I continue to hope you will do something else with the same primary characters.

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<I>-- srgeek --</I>

This story had drama, suspense and lots of action. I really enjoyed it.

I've truly enjoyed this piece. Been going down the list of your work and I've yet to be disappointed! As anonymously pointed out, the writing style could use a little tweak, but that's all. Hardly a factor in the overall grand scheme of things. All in all five starred and added to favorites.

Toaden

You really did need to do some research here. Especially with regard to Commonwealth honors systems. Canada doesn't give a cross for valour, the highest award is the Victoria Cross, followed by the King George Cross.

Only problem I found was with the Army Commendation Medal versus the Canadian medal. Sgt should have gotten at least a Bronze Medal or probably a Silver Star for his actions.

Brilliant. Hope there's more story's with this character cause I'm about to go looking for them.