- Loving Wives
- The Hermit
- Comments
All Comments on 'The Hermit'
by chymera
- 63 Comments
The ending was too abrupt I felt. We didn't get to see the wife really go down. It was clinical. The author seemed to realise the torment she inflicted on him, dwelling on it, then it sped towards the end with a "oh but they're in jail so you can assume they got their just deserts".
For me that's not quite enough catharsis. No final blow out, no angry shriek from a thrwarted for. The setup was cracking, hence my mild disappointment in the ending.
At least there was no reconciliation!
I really felt like the wife needed a solid punch to the throat while she was talking, but I guess violence isn't the answer....
That could have been so much better - all you had to do was tell the various facets of the story. It could have went any direction too - BTB, RAAC, in-between. There 2-3 story lines that were ignored. While it was so rushed, but still ok MC character development, no one else though. I had to knock it down to 4* just for the rushed ending. Consider what could have been ...
Spending so long on the buildup and then to drop the story like it was a hot potato doesn't do the tale any favours. The 'evil' excesses in the middle also felt a bit comedic, especially with the deadpan delivery. Good setup and a lot of pathos to get through, but all that doesn't work without any emotion.
Excellent story, however I think you short changed the ending by having it stop so quick, so much more could have been written. Therefore 4*
Not to bad a story, but it was short sighted... The whole floor staff in the mental hospital had to be in on his drugging not just the doc. Plus a corrupt judge would have all his cases re-reviewed and likely over turned - so a short 10yr sentence was woefully too short. Also Silly being the attending ER doc would have to release her patient - not an outsider. So who stabbed Silly in the back inside her hospital?
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Missing was his daily living for 12yrs. The hardships he endured? He lived all of his 40's as a hermit being car hit at 52. That type of living would be more than taxing. Or did he have a pre-setup care packages dropped at a location every few months?
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The biggest MISS was a man so smart did not have a verification DNA test done. He is smart enough to make billions, he knows his wife is a CHEATING slut, and trusted her at her word. No way in hell - big story hole.
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4****, Hooyah, dropped a * due to the above.
What a loser.
Why didn't he just do what all mega rich husband's do when their wife becomes problematic. Arrange a "boating accident" for her, then move on with the trophy wife.
It was different, I suppose and quite entertaining. Just one question: what kind of father would call his supposedly beloved daughter 'Silly'?
What a pathetic excuse for a human being! He has access to the kind of money that enables him to arrange an accident for the slut, and instead he runs away?!?
I don’t believe it. The kind of man that is that successful is more decisive and ruthless than that!
ZK
Pretty much agree with the comment from Praetus. Dr. Medford did something truly diabolical to a well person who should not have been institutionalized. Put yourself in Walsh's place, especially after Priscilla and Medford's sexual assault of Walsh. And then there's the judge's perversion of justice. I think Walsh has the cash flow to make those three have a very cold, hard stay in the Graybar Arms Hotel. I am not the better man, I would have relished knowing they were having the Russian Gulag Experience during their incarceration. He spent 12 years as a hermit, surely they can make it through their shorter sentences?
A pretty good premise and start but a pretty disappointing ending, not for the way it turned out, but for how little effort you put in writing it.
4 stars. Could have easily been six if the author hadn't been evidently late for an appointment.
Mostly What Praetus Said.
The set-up was good, but either this should be expanded into two/three chapters OR pared down into a 750-word flash.
"When she gets out, I probably won't be able to trust female judges thereafter." - It took me a minute to get this, that after being in a women's prison she might have some new proclivities.
Need some explanation for the hermit thing. Running away might be understandable, but scrounging in garbage when he didn't have to? Gotta have a reason to suspend my disbelief.
Wow, having big bucks didn’t stop the slut wife from chasing her husband to be a hermit. All is well that ends well. 5*s.
Loved it. Brief but flowed, you could have written a novel out of the concept.
While I agree with the comments suggesting the story could have been better had it been more fleshed out, I still 5* enjoyed it as a quick read and unique storyline.
A guy smart enuf to be that wealthy would have done the dna before doing a runner
4, good story but far too short. Felt more like an outline of a larger story with a lot of interesting elements such as the MC's guardian angel at the store, the daughter that might not have been his, the wife that claimed to love him and might have but was jealous of the daughter. and her connected friends. Might have been interesting if the wife was not only interested in having his money but him too, planned to try to brainwash him into loving her again so she gets the money and her husband while cutting off her daughter. Just money being the center of these sort of stories is kinda boring, its interesting when its changed up a bit. Overall good story just could have been a great one.
Wish it was a full story. It was fun while it lasted but could have been great if it was flushed out with trash details. Still have you a good score.
Ended a little abruptly, but in a festering cesspool of cuck stories, it’s an easy *5.
Demander's story was six pages. This story was better suited for more pages.
I have trouble with a self made billionaire not being smart enough to manage getting a dna test done or being able to dump a cheating wife. If nothing else, such a person would be smart enough to hire people to get it done for him.
Three stars.
OH hum, so we reward so so stories with 5 stars because its not a cuck story? Seriously 5 stars should be reserved for excellence in writing, story line and all that other stuff like grammar, spelling and punctuation. To chymera thanks for the yarn but it needs some more work sunshine.
Entertaining enough.
A sarcastic LW story.
You're taunting the critics , right chymera⁉️
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AMerryman
The hell with the complaining, I liked it alot. Thanks for sharing your time and efforts with us!!!
Could have been a better than average read , even though it was a very contrived plot .
Unfortunately , having set up the plot , it was a mad gallop to the end .
Not good I'm afraid . The plot was too big for a barely one page story .
Ok. But her point about him being a shitty husband deserved some consideration. Why is women can be castigated for putting their kids before their husband, but not the other parent. In a sense he was also a shitty father…ignoring your wife sure sends a solid message to your daughter about what she can look forward to.
To afanoffanlit:
Jeeze, I don't know, guess that completely justifies her cheating on him with literally every single guy in a radius of 100 kilometres instead of sitting down with him to have a talk.
A couple more pages might have made this a pretty good story. Three stars for a Average contrived story.
JPB
4 stars instead of 5 - first, because the author didn't see it fit to offer him a happy ending in his personal life. And another missing thing was a fitting end for the asswipes at the end of their legal sentences.
No details no emotion this plot demands more than one page, as is now its nothing. Have no idea how this got above 4. Hell it didn't even have revenge in it
It totally lacked any cohesion or emotion. it felt more like a recitation than anything. Blah.
Of all the piteous stories dumped into Literotica pages, this one has to rank at the top of the suck list - or is it the bottom of the suck list to truly be bad. Nevermind, as bad as it is, it could always be worse. If you added cuckholdery, stupidity and good, old ignorance to the story, it would have been worse