- Loving Wives
- The Lost Coin
- Comments
All Comments on 'The Lost Coin'
by CurrentParameter
- 119 Comments
Solid effort IMHO. A little rushed for my taste, but a good read.
Thanks for sharing.
Could have been a five but not even a discussion with his wife? I know that is the hardest thing to write but it is the best part of the story for me. Also after getting one video of the cheating why did he need another one?
3 stars
I really liked the Samantha cameo. The benefits of knowing someone in amateur dramatics eh. I just hope she cleared that new role with her husband first. lol
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But a year of cheating and the intent to carry on for years more potentially? That’s cold and far from normal. Given that the people involved were his former best friend and wife, I think you’d want to know why they could betray him so clinically. Suggests that their loyalty and… love had been shallow and misleading all along. 4 Stars.
Same as Tajfa's comment.
Why several videos?
And why fuck your wife at the risk of STDs?
STDs are like the lottery, you don't win every time. There are winners and losers every time?
So why try your luck again?
I would have really liked this without the last time having sex with the cheating soon-to-be ex. Personally I can't fathom wanting sex with her in that situation, wouldn't want to take the chance on an STD and, if adultery was a ground in that jurisdiction wouldn't want to lose it as a ground by condoning (legally, that is) her adultery. My reaction is very different from that of , though in that I don't consider a discussion with the cheating wife a necessary part of a story.
The part about the wife throwing herself at him for sex on the Wednesday after breaking up with George and being warned by the blonde that she might have an STD was a good touch. The husband knew the blonde made that story up. But the wife didn't know that.
As for the second video some comments criticize, the camera was already in place, so why not. And he wanted to know if it was commonly Tuesday's as he suspected or if the one Saturday was just a one-off.
Good story (for a BTB). No violent revenge. Just a "warning shot" with the fake STD.
Entirely missing is any background on why Lisa and George cheated. Cheating does not happen in a vacuum. Explanations are not always necessary, but the absence here is noticeable.
The entire skit in the restaurant with Samantha seems silly because there was nothing gained by it, and certainly nothing to justify the effort put into creating the skit. Lisa and George would be both divorced and it did not matter whether he had someone else.
I liked it.
The story was a little short
and would've been better
with more meat on the bones.
But the coin return was a great idea.
Because of it, it gets top ratings from me.
Good story - would have liked to hear from Lisa’s perspective- why did she do it and what was her reaction
Lisa and George had a 'thing' in college that never developed. Now they spent time together and decided to see what they missed. Simple as that.
As far as returning the coin was concerned, that was staged for a very specific reason. The MC wanted to make sure that any relationship between Lisa and George was destroyed. Of course as close friends, Lisa knew the significance of that coin. Even though she and George were cheating on their spouses, she could not accept George would cheat on her with another woman. She left George high and dry even as her own marriage fell apart.
To those who wanted a confrontation between the MC and his soon to be ex Lisa: What purpose could that have served. All to often, the wife says "It meant nothing. It was only sex." Then comments say how could a woman be that naive, or it was an often used trope.
In this case, Lisa and George had a semi history. No sex in the past but they decided for whatever reason now to explore it. What could Lisa possibly say? "Hey, I wanted to check him out. See if I missed marrying him instead of you...." And like many men, he did not really care the actual reason. To him both his friend and wife betrayed him.
The MC KNEW full well it was not sex and Lisa was terribly upset to 'discover' George had at least one other woman on the side, his Thursday piece. That drove her to immediately ask for transfer. She did not want to be around George and her marriage was gone. Why she came home all lovey dovey the night after the Samantha thing in the restaurant? Possibly to feel better about her own actions and re-establish her own marriage knowing George was no longer an option.
Told in the first person, the MC could not know and he could not ask without tipping his hand about Samantha's act. He had to play the clueless hubbie.
Yeah, since he'd filed for divorce the MC screwing Lisa could have sabotaged any special claims in the divorce, but he was seeking a simple 50/50 split. And he was sure he was in no danger of an STD even though Lisa did not. And like he said, if George actually had one, Lisa and he probably did as well.
5 Stars. Lisa's story would be a great follow up. Maybe she learned something, maybe she didn't.
Events are fairly realistic I have seen a couple of instances where the spouses who were cheated on had lasting relationships later.
I agree with the other comments that this was a well told story with a simple but direct line of thought. Well done. I would have liked to see a confrontation between the two ex best friends at some point.
Solid story but kind of rushed. It was primarily narrative driven and that usually makes it a struggle for me to buy into the characters. The coin bit was brilliant, unique, and made me laugh. 3.8*
Lisa sure got out of Dodge quickly. Did not want to talk or apologize nothing. Never heard from again. Would have preferred to hear from her a bit. How she felt and her reasoning about being unfaithful. If she a George were that much of an item why did she want to get away from him when shit hit the fan. If it was mutual you would think they would have left town together. But no. Seems that she was coerced by George. But you don’t find about their connection.
I enjoyed it completely but the voyeur in me wants to know a little more about what happened to Lisa and George. I seem to need to hear about why cheaters cheat, from their own mouth before the jilted spouse gets their verbal pound of flesh. My critique is personal preference and the only reason I'm not 100% satisfied, only like 95% satisfied ;)
Well that was short and sweet they made it sound so simple, no emotion involved. Just serve them and divorce, no kids involved help make it simple. My divorce some 40 years ago crushed me. I was out of work for 2 years as I could not hold a job. It wasn't the los of the cheating wife it was the destruction of the family, I had two daughters and lost them both. For some reason I became the bad guy and she was the one that cheated and wanted the divorce, go figure. Good story though.
Good story, creative, original discovery method. Well-written, just the right amount of background detail. I would have liked to have seen a direct and emotional confrontation with Lisa, but overall nicely done!
AWESOME loved. Samantha is one FINE boss. thanks for the twist and use of George's coin to validate what Samantha said
As usual, he ends up marrying the wife of the man who cuckolded him. That happens in most LW stories, and it baffles me - I can’t think of a worse fate then spending your life with a women who loved and lived with the guy who f’d your wife. Ridiculous, and that’s why it never happens in real life.
There wasn't much of a story here. Dialog between the cheated-upon husband and his cheating wife, explaining why she cheated and what her feelings were, are generally the best part of a cheating wife story, and you cheated the readers out of that. You also cheated us out of any description of the sex. Plus, there was little character development, so we had no empathy for these people, they had only been together a short time, and had no kids, so there was little emotional impact. I gave this 3 stars, which I think was being kind.
Good story. I would have like a confrontation between the spouses just to hear their justification.
You should leave these themes to the experts. This was foolish and completely unbelievable.
A brilliant idea and started really well but then fizzled out. The quality of the story really suffered from there being no confrontation between the MC and Lisa and even more from George and Lisa never having revealed to them how they'd been caught. I get that that ties in with the idea of the MC and Jane not caring about the other two but it left us readers sold short. The MC and Jane might not care what the other two have to say but we the readers sure do!
JR
A fun romp. A little unrealistic that the MC would need "more" video. And even more unrealistic that he would bed the skank one last time.... that's a common trope here, and very farcical. Unless you don't really love your wife, otherwise you would be too angry/sad/enraged/disgusted etc. But again, I enjoyed it.
Went from a 4 to a 1* when you went thr idiotic JPB route and had him fuck her after he found out she was cheating.
Absolute stupid.
Nice, but I would have preferred to see a some retribution/revenge against the two cheaters, besides simply divorcing them. There were no true apologies or signs that the wife understood that what she did was wrong. No emotional suffering or anything like that.
This was a better story than your "Chemistry" series, which is the first work of yours I read. You still have the same problem of "telling" us what is going on instead of "showing" us with good scene setting and descriptions, of barreling past moments that should get more air in order to rush towards the narrative and generally, your prose is still very utilitarian, lacking in that certain descriptive quality that really brings a story to life.
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That being said, I can say that you HAVE gotten better. This story was shorter, so maybe it allowed you to focus more on it than you would be able to with a series. It also had a kind of interesting hook with the coin. I just think you need to be less terse and explore the feelings of the characters and their surroundings when you are writing - really give us a feel for where they are and what they are thinking. It'll make it easier for readers to connect with your work. Still, a solid effort - 4/5 from me.
Good story, but... a 3* would have been a 4* which could have been a 5*, with more 'meat' on the subject. The story loses its soul when everything is glossed over so cavalierly.
No consequences for the cheaters, no reason for the cheating. Total cliche's witht he exception of the coin. Boring.
Nice. Would like to have heard more about Lisa's reasoning and how she could look her husband in the face while fucking his best friend and George's reasoning in betraying his best friend in the worst way.
"Thought I would take a try at a non-reconciling cheating story." - I prefer to not know the ending. I can see if it's BTB or RAAC, people have strong feelings about those, but otherwise, let us read the story and find out how it ends, at the end.
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I know I'm being Captain Obvious, but when George was initially after Lisa, I was expecting them to hook-up.
No feedback from Lisa, having him be indifferent to way, makes this a 3 at best.
More or less, different item under bed, slight changes.
LOVE a slap-hapy-papy #9
No confrontation with his best friend? This is even less believable than the lack of interest in talking with his wife.
With so little interest by the MC in the whys, whats and wherefores, perhaps that explains why there isn't all that much interest in the story.
Well written, but the lack of any sorrow and anger by the mc was weird. He felt cardboard that way. Part of the problem with cheating is the emotional damage the cheater does to the cheated. I didn't see any of that here
A well-executed short story without a lot of unnecessary drama.
Good grammar, spelling, and sentence structure.
Awarded all five.
The first half was good, but the ending lacked the real meat of the story.
The best part of a loving wives tale is the dramatic confrontation with the cheating wife.
The best part of any btb story is the wife suffering the consequences for her infidelity.
This needed some kind of conversation with LIsa and George (separately), where they both bitterly regret destroying their marriages and long-term friendships.
Well, this one was dismal at best. Learn how to write a decent BTB if you want to survive in this genre. Do nothing wimpy MC's do not fare well here. Keep your rainbows and unicorns for ther categories.
Someoneother I had to laugh when I saw your comment giving this author advice you should have given yourself.
Just, "Hey, let's fuck and see if we like it." Reads like Martian Slut Ray, again. I know, writing about the inner feeling and passions and motives is difficult for some people to understand, and even more difficult to write about. So we get a great story about equipment and methods and revenge, and almost nothing about how these loyal loving spouses just turned into betraying unethical self-absorbed assholes. Yeah, who wants to understand that?
With no discussion with Lisa or her viewpoint after being served, it loses a huge amount of "payback" to the reader.
Just underwhelming. She got served, moved away never to be seen again. Boring.
Pretty sure that sleeping with the wife, when you know of the infidelity is condonation or something, so she could have asked for counseling.
The conversation between spouses that follows the cheater becoming aware their adultery has been discovered is an essential part of an infidelity story. it is a major test of the author's skill in writing credible dialog. Emotions are high, and it is a challenge to convey them in an authentic manner. The commonly used trope of the "Cheater's Bible" has more to do with a lack of writing creativity than with mythical instinctual utterances by the unfaithful. CurrentParameter, you should have faith in your previously demonstrated literary skills. Please don't avoid the confrontation conversation when you revisit adultery in the future. Will truly look forward to your next submission.
It lacked passion, but the tale earned five stars. I was thinking four stars, but went with five.
JPB NOT BOB
Presumably, he and Lisa had more in common than her and George which was why George ended up with Jane.
Turns out Lisa and George had more in common - once you add "cheaters" to the list.
A story that has a husband with backbone and character...nice change from most of the cuck shit here. Fairy tale ending with Jane was a bit too neat and tidy, but every once and a while things work out nicely for decent folks! Thanks for the story.
A bit lame and sketchy, but well done and original otherwise. Thank you for the time and effort.
The writing was to a high standard but, really, this was just a string of clichés.
The one bit I struggled with was the night she wanted sex. She'd just been told that George had an STI!
We know it wasn't true but she didn't.
How can you get 50 percent of the house savings when you live in an apartment?.
Aww... look at that little shy nerd George how he grew up to be a player! It brings a tear to my eye!
Nitpic, because, it wasn't half the house, it was half the house savings, the account they set up to save for a house. Yes, I had to think about that for a second.
It was going well until the 'fuck her like a whore one last time trope". Any sane man in that situation wouldn't be able to even get it up from seer physical disgust. Since that wasn't the case with your MC, he should do a DNA test for the baby. It's obvious he has latent cuckold tendencies and women have a 6th sense about this shit. At least the ending was realistic. Those childless couples usually completely vanish from each other's life when the marriage dissolves.
Unlike other comments, I'm glad this had no "conversation". Just like there is nothing a cheater can possibly say about their actions, there is nothing a writer can do to make it interesting. Everything that comes out from a cheater's mouth would be a pointless excuse. And those convos serve no benefit to anyone but the cheater. It's a last attempt towards some shitty reconciliation that shouldn't be entertained. Or an attempt to finally come clean and confess, which again only benefits the guilty. Treating them like the stranger they chose to become is always the best attitude.
I'm with the last Anon comment. The fact that there was no "conversation" is a PLUS. There's absolutely zero reason to have one. The cheater would just give random, useless, self-serving lies, excuses and justifications, which have absolutely no positive upside for the main character to hear. The only reason to include such a conversation in a story is to either (a) punish the main character for whatever reason, or (b) to extend the story unnecessarily by using literally boilerplate standard trope excuses that don't differ from 1000s of other LW story excuses, or real life
The only useful/good/valid reason to have a "conversation" is in VERY VERY rare casewhere MC deconstructs the excuses and hopefully emotionally hurts the cheater in the process. But that's a vanishingly small minority of the stories (Jezzaz's "Words" is a good example of doing this right, with basically the entire story being "the conversation" : //rosa-blanca.ru/desixxxphoto/s/words-42)
- tons of men have sex with LITERAL whores. Or with women they aren't exclusive with. Or with one-night0-stands. It's not "cuckold tendencies", it's "a hole is a hole" attitude. There's nothing wrong with deciding to get free sex when offered, since it doesn't hurt the MC in any way. Yes, refusing sex may possibly sound dramatic, but ultimately - aside from STD concerns - pointless. The only one to suffer is the MC who goes without sex.
tbh i blame the shared honeymoon lol come on who does that. when i read that i thought for sure it was going to end up a foursome glad it didnt
I agree with inka about not having a conversation as to why a spouse cheated as well as the only two reasons a writer would do so, mostly. Meaning that some stories, such as this one, are too short to really add the extra drama or to lengthen it by a paragraph or two. Some stories are too long without the added redundancy or the page long chapter where the guilty has to go to a counselor to realize why she's a skank. However, I do enjoy it when a cunt shows zero remorse in her responses during said conversation, after she's already made his life hell, especially if it's a btb story, where the dude rebuilds himself and his life, then fucks her world like it's a pocket pussy. May have to do with the under dog premise and her adding every bit she can to inevitably damn herself.
Kind of a lack luster ending. I mean Lisa just straight up said “whatever” and moved away. Like damn that’s cold haha
The ending was lackluster. I am glad that Jane and the MC had happiness together, but it all just felt rushed and fizzled. 3*
Well done but just a four.
Several thoughts:
1. It would have helped to know how George who was hot for Lisa decided to marry Jane.
2. The author gives no hint why Jim chose the high maintenance beauty over the much more attractive person, Jane.
The confusion lessened the value of the story.
I was entertained by this story and I really enjoyed it good job no great job 😁
"Lisa had filed a harassment grievance against George with their company's HR department."
...and?
You should have just left that (and possibly the part about her getting away from him) out, since it didn't add to the story all by itself and you clearly didn't feel like telling The Rest of the Story there.
"they decided that they should see what they might have missed" - I could MAYBE see that once, but once they've seen what they missed, why continue?
Finally a decent story after a dozen that truly sucked ass. Don't know why people even read them but this one was done nicely, thank you! 5 BIG ASS ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐'s. Following! Don't let us down now! lol