All Comments on 'The Sun in Her Sky Ch. 03'
by GobLean
- 32 Comments
Would love to see how becca - Elaine - Gwen relationship would work. Also how it affects the Elaine - Gwen relationship. Would Elaine be jealous of becca would Gwen start to control Elaine. What if Elaine took over control of becca and then ditched Gwen. What would happen to Gwen then? There loads of different ways this can go, look forward to reading the follow up....
It’s no different from kidnapping a preteen and conditioning her to be a sex slave and I don’t think even your character could justify that, so what ms the difference? Age? I’m the illusion of choice?
Whatever a victim does to survive is, by definition, survival and not free will. And would you treat your dog like this? Poor food, no exercise, trapped in a kennel with no outside stimuli? Holding intense poses for hours without motion? That is torture and it doesn’t matter if she choose any of it because her choice was, and always has been, an illusion.
Any reasonable person would have left there and called the cops. The fact you chose to not do that says that your personal cruelty is in humane. Undoubtedly you would torture and abuse dogs and children but regret it because it makes YOU look bad.
I would enjoy more. I'm a big softie when it comes to slaves, so this was a dificult read in places. I would have lots of things I would like to see happen, but It's not my place to tell you what to write. If you have something in mind that you think will work and you will enjoy writeing I would be glad to read it.
LifeonVil
One reason and one problem with using first person narration is that we never know and never will, what Becca is thinking , because there is no way she is devoid of thought. This makes for the implausible possibility or a perfectly passive individual , for all these years. We just don't know. One obvious objection to the de facto premise of the story is that both girls are delusional. One thinks she does not have a relationship with the other, while the other thinks they do (they have a de facto thing going, whatever the "dominant" one wants to call it).
Third person writing would have forced the writer to actually make Becca a sentient being in the fullest sense and to actually explore her and her motivations. Finally, what happened to the MIstress? Miss is not Mistress. The lack of proper Mistress/Slave dialogue really detracts from the premise. On the other hand, it further converts that whole relationship into a protracted role-playing that turns both of them all but it goes on too long to be believable as a simple consensual Mistress/Slave agreement. At some point, the author should have realized that going fully and confidently into non-consensual/BSDM territory was the only believable option.
I do hope there is more to this story. What is there for Elaine not to like, a pussy and ass licking pet whenever she desires, and no doubt Becca will willingly accept a new Miss to serve when Elaine utters her favourite word ANKLES.
Again, many thanks for the comments. Even when they weren't positive, they were (generally) constructive, which is a huge help to a new writer like me.
There seem to be two schools of thought: "It was too evil/harsh" and "you should have made it MORE non-consenting" I have a new respect for this NonConsent/Reluctance category - the readers here have fairly discriminating tastes and maybe there's more nuance to it than I thought going in. Regardless, I'm truly grateful for those who took the time to express themselves.
It was pretty dark reading on how one person strips the will from another. But on the other hand was kind of fascinating at the same time. I think it was well written and would also like to see a sequel dealing with how the 3 will work out. You should also write other stories if you can and not just stop after these three.
but need details....whats beccas side of the story how does she feel
I very much enjoyed this series, and would like to see a new, continuation series with the three of them. I do not have extensive experience with BDSM (what I do have is as a Dominant in a two month fling), so do not have issues with non-normative story line.
I will say that in your closing, Gwen displayed an attitude toward Elaine that seemed to suggest that Gwen is actually susceptible to being submissive, so the thought occurred to me of a ladder, of sorts: Becca submissive to Gwen, who in turn displays whatever level of submission to Elaine, who ultimately reigns over them both. But again, not being overly familiar with that world, I have no idea how ~realistic such a scenario would be (realistic being a relative term, obviously). Regardless where it may go, yes, I would really like to see a continuation of this.
I enjoyed this story very much. I'm alsoenjoying your newest story. I to am also torn as to whether I want to hear how it works out. I think it would be incredibly hard to figure out where to go with the interactions of the characters.... LOL, well as least for me.
I really enjoyed this story and would like to read more , with the 3 of them 🙂
I look forward to read what happens when Leanne enters in the relationship. She might want half ownership of becca to accept her.
becca should continue to talk in whispers so a posture collar fitted with a bark sensor/shocking device might be an idea.
Grey Master
Please continue the story. I would like to see how Gwen & Elaine share Becca. I would hope they could work together and train her to be even more of a bondage submissive.
I would love to see at least one more chapter with Elaine entering the scene with Becca and Gwen... please
As you yourself know, Gwen has been manipulative and essentially deprived Becca of ever having a normal live. No job, friends or family ever. And what if Gwen died on the way home from work in a car accident? Becca would probably die and even if she didn't, she'd never be able to take care of herself. Despite that, it was a well written, wonderfully told story of a girl losing her identity. I too would like to see the story continue with Elaine, but I'd like Elaine to temper Gwen's control of Becca and try to put her in the position of surviving outside Gwen's orbit. My two cents worth.
I'll stick my neck out and say I think a sequel is inevitable. I'm fairly certain you already decided that when you fixed on the "ending". However, I don't have any idea as to how it will continue, or even if you will take on board any of the wishes and suggestions in the readers' comments.
My thoughts on the sequel? I think it's entirely your decision, and you should ignore the suggestions. In fact I suspect you might have already decided to do that.
I'll keep to myself what I would choose, but will be interested to read the sequel and find out how they compare or contrast.
For me this is a difficult one. Again the detail and the writing are superb. Once again as in Her Governess you get carried along with the narrative but as the author says thus is a darker story and I have to confess to having reservations as it appears all Becca's independence and ability to act for herself have been stripped away.
A sequel - I think that's at your discretion and I'm sure you have ideas. One thing is a must - don't give up on writing as you have real skills. Her Governess is one of my top favourites.
It was fun seeing how her obsession grew and seeing how she manipulated Becca, but I think I wanted a more intimate drive from Gwen. She didn't really care for Becca, she just wanted someone to need her and only her. It's an interesting take, but without an emotional connection, it kinda fell flat. The hottest moment in the full story was when she first told Becca to hold her ankles at the end of the very first week. She did so out of anger and lust, and honest, that's when the story peaked. From then on, it was still good, but never as engaging as that first encounter. As she took more control, the stakes disappeared, and it kinda became predicable and lost its marvel.
Also, we never got to know more about Becca as a whole. In school she was active in sports and had a life. She literally became a nobody, that does nothing all day. It was just a little too unbelievable for someone that had a chance at a social life to give up everything because she thought she was a sub.
All-in-all, I'd give this story a seven. It was written well enough, it just lacked motivation for the characters, and an actual ending (payoff).
Just stumbled across this and think its incredible. I love the matter of fact dominance that Gwen has over Becca. Its unforced, but absolute. I would love to see the continuation of this. In my opinion, the harsher the better. I loved the scene where she was casually doing her work while her slave was acting as a footrest and licking her soles. I loved it even more when she took a break to use her as a toilet and then casually went back to work. There was a video clip with a girl...I think her name was Eris, where she was using her slave girl's face as a footrest, resting her feet full weight on her slave while her slave struggled to lick her soles. She even put her foot back on her mouth while she was speaking. That scene reminded me of that clip which is hands down one of my favorites.
I think the ending was appropriate, but the potential scope of a sequel opens for many new things to occur without rehashing the previous content. Love the writing. Looking forward to anything else you write. Outstanding quality.
I would very much see your continuation of this story.
Sincerely
Grey Master
This story is something else entirely. In a good way. It really got me thinking, on the one hand I find the setting extremely intruiging. It could have easily gone in a completely different direction, developing in a 'healthy' relationship. Many requirements such as commitment, responsiblity and care were already met, yet there was no 'love' present. I find it quite difficult to imagine people being that close without being partners in that sense. Yet you did a good job picturing their motives, the thought process was intereting to wrap your head around.
I'd love to read another chapter or sequel. This story is quite unique and a gem in it's category. Also I adore your style of writing. Hope there is more to come.
Still hopping for a sequel. An Idea: Becca with a blindfold is a beautiful naked woman with a blindfold. Change the blindfold to a swimmers goggles, paint the inside black to keep light out and paint them in beccas skin colour on the outside, and paint eyes on the outside of the glass. This will make Becca more like a doll and less human.
Hoping for first of many chapters of the sequel.
Sincerely Yours
Grey Master
i hope elaine calls the cops and becca has everything stripped away from her <3
I am unsure how Elaine or any human could contemplate not calling the police on a sociopath like Gwen.
The edging, orgasm denial and control, and the gentle domming while nursing are perfection.