Their 6th St Valentina Wedding

The biggest surprise to Dave was that there are 5 million Baháʼís spread throughout most of the world. Dave is a democratic socialist. He was therefore glad that Baháʼís annually elect local, regional, and national Spiritual Assemblies to govern the religion's affairs. He knew of no other faith which, every 5 years, elects the 9 member world wide supreme governing body.

He was almost ignorant of Buddha's teachings and that they are as important to Baháʼís as are Jesus and the Prophet's contribution to the world's spiritual understanding.

The First Marriage

Dave's Baháʼí marriage ceremony took place in their faith's magnificent Haifa headquarters. A lady translator had to repeat the reading of Baháʼí writings, prayers and a talk about the spiritual nature. She also translated the vows.

Letting Dave's Parents Share The Special Day

Before the ceremony took place I tested the video link to the Haifa hotel to make sure it worked. I stayed with Dave's parents to help them with any video conferencing problems.

As soon as possible after they were married, Dave and Ma'soomah made a video conference call request to Dave's parents. They smiled at their now married son and his elegant, sophisticated bride. At this end, we opened a bottle of bubbly and toasted the happy couple. The call included a slightly tipsy father suggesting that they enjoy their wedding night as much as he had enjoyed his.

It ended with faith based wishes from the parents in Britain to the happy couple in Haifa.

Ma'soomah's father then spoke to Dave's parents in a manner which suggested he had rehearsed what to say many times. It ended with "May Jesus continue to bless you throughout your life together". This threw Dave'e parents a little and so they said "May God bless you as well".

The call ended earlier than I thought. Dave's father was ill and the glass of champagne affected his medicines. He was pleased but pale and obviously needed rest. It was a stark reminder why Dave's parents could not be in Haifa, much as they wanted to be there.

I knew that Dave would not enjoy the honeymoon in the way his father and mother had enjoyed their's. At the honeymoon hotel Dave slept with 2 pillows between him and his bride. A habit that ensued up to their final wedding in Gaza, which I was to officiate.

Being married to a Palestinian, Dave now had the right to Palestinian citizenship. He would never have to leave his adopted country.

The Second Marriage

Dave was surprised to learn that for his Muslim wedding ceremony (a nikah), the bride does not have to be present. She can elect to send two witnesses to a drawn-up marriage agreement.

He could elect just to hear readings from the Qur'an (their holy book) and the exchange of vows in front of witnesses for both partners. He didn't even need to have anyone to officiate.

So they agreed to the following marriage contract.

"We will live together as man and wife in the wife's father's house which will become her property when her father dies.

The husband will not take a second wife even should the wife consent.

The wife has the right to initiate divorce, (khula). If she initiates divorce she must give back the dowry (mahr) except if it is because of cruelty or adultery on the husband's part.

The husband has the right to divorce.

The husband and wife agree the walimah, the party specifically for the purpose of announcing publicly that the couple are married and entitled to each other - will be restricted to close family and friends. This will include video conferencing for the husband's elderly parents and his closest friend to see the walimah announcement.

Both husband and wife agree to give the usual bridal money gifts to the poor.

Signed (Husband)

Signed (Wife)

Signed (Witness 1 for Husband)"

Signed (Witness 2 for Husband)

Signed (Witness 1 for Wife)

Signed (Witness 2 for Wife)"

And the second wedding was a simple affair which went off smoothly with only a few people knowing about it.

Dave's Dad Is Getting Worse

Unfortunately Dave's father was struggling and looked deathly pale. I hid this from Dave by having his mother in the foreground so he couldn't clearly see his father on what proved to be his deathbed.

I thought it unlikely both parents would see the Gaza wedding. I suggested Dave send videos of his travels rather than have video conferencing link ups. Dave thought this was better as it left him freer. It meant his father could see him and his bride when he enjoyed good health. But these periods were getting fewer and shorter.

Once again, the honeymoon marital bed was divided in 2 by pillows.

The Third Marriage

To outsiders, Druze are Muslims. But Muslims regard Druze as heretical.

Dave knew of Jethro as a 4 letter word type comedian. But Jethro, to a Druze, was the father-in-law of Moses. Jethro is the Druze chief prophet. They make annual pilgrimages to his tomb in lower Galilee. Like the Bahai, the Druze accept the prophets of Islam and Christianity but add to this Greek philosophy, Gnosticism, neo-Platonic thought, Sufi mysticism, and Iranian religious traditions.

Unlike Muslims, Druze embrace reincarnation, ban men from having multiple wives and do not mandate prayer at set times or places. Dave was pleased that women do become religious leaders and participate in their councils of elders.

What Dave found harder was that only a few "sages." have full knowledge of its scriptures. The majority of the Druze are known as "ignorant ones" and must accept the faith on trust. He liked there being a "Chinese wall" between religious and political leadership.

The Druze abide by seven commandments. The first was problematic for Dave. The Druze "speak the truth to one another but not to outsiders".

Druze Customs

Dave liked the idea of wearing the traditional Druze full-length black robe and white cylindrical hat (laffa) made of tightly wound white cloth. Ma'soomah would have her hair covered with a long white veil instead of her usual black one. She would wear gold coins on her forehead, presumably as a sign of wealth.

Druze Marriage

Their Druze wedding was as different from the Muslim way of marriage as chalk is from cheese. The more guests you have the more auspicious. So, in keeping with Ma'soomah's aim of spreading her wealth to the poor, the guests were chosen from the lower elements of Druze society.

Dave and Ma'soomah had to get permission from a local court to get married. Ma'soomah had to receive permission from a medical doctor.

Dave had to attend a males only religious ceremony (akid) where a shaving celebration took place. No drinking and no smoking made this quite different from the Manchester stag dos

Meanwhile Ma'soomah was decorated with henna in a women's ceremony

The Ceremony

In the ceremony proper, Dave and Ma'soomah made an oral contract. He gave her cash, jewelry, personal items and household goods.

Passages from the Druze religious book are read and translated for Dave's benefit.

The village Iman tied a handkerchief to symbolise the union of man and wife

The large feast was held at a wedding hall. It is strictly forbidden to consummate a marriage until the wedding party is over. So, in effect, the feast is part of the ceremony.

But, in this case, there was never the expectation of Dave taking Ma'soomah's virginity. As ever, Pillows lay between them.

The Fourth Marriage

Because the wedding day is considered a day of forgiveness, Ma'soomah and Dave choose to fast on their wedding day, just as if it was Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement).

As required by civil law, Dave prepared a marriage contract (ketubah) to outline his responsibilities to Ma'soomah, her protections and rights, and what will happen should they choose to divorce.

Before the marriage ceremony took place the couple signed the ketubah

Dave approached Ma'soomah for the bedeken (veiling). He looked at Ma'soomah and then veiled her face. This arises because Jacob was tricked into marrying the sister of the woman he loved when the sister was veiled.

Two witnesses then signed the ketubah

Then before the wedding ceremony, Ma'soomah and Dave were called to (aliyah) the Torah for a blessing (misheberach) by the rabbi.

Members of the congregation then threw sweets at them to wish both a sweet life.

Dave's parents could not walk him down the aisle to the chuppah, the altar beneath which couples exchange vows. It symbolises the new home that Dave and his wife were building together. Their canopy was made of a tallit, (prayer shawl).

Ma'soomah's father took his daughter by the arm and followed Dave to the chuppah.

All 3 stood under the chuppah canopy during the ceremony, with the rabbi.Dave placed Ma'soomah's ring on her left forefinger because the vein from a forefinger goes right to your heart. Ma'soomah did the same for Dave.

The seven blessings, (Sheva B'rachot) were read in both Hebrew and English. The blessings focused on joy, celebration, and the power of love. They begin with the blessing over a cup of wine. It ended with a blessing of joy, peace, companionship, and for the bride and groom to rejoice together.

Dave was then invited to step on a glass inside a cloth bag to shatter it. He was afraid that this would go wrong. But the glass shattered as planned. Dave was told that the breaking of the glass holds multiple meanings. He preferred to think of it as representing the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem.

The guests cheered "Mazel tov!" (good luck). They kept the cloth holding the shards of glass and had it framed as a memento of their (Jewish) wedding day.

They sent the video and photos to Dave's parents.

The Fifth Marriage

Apart from taking place in Jerusalem, the Christian wedding went as you would expect. White wedding dress and Dave suited up and the "I does".

What made it exceptional was the wedding photo. Ma'soomah's father was concerned that Dave's humanism had caused a rift with his father. The rift concerned whether Dave would be "saved" and whether he would face "eternity in hell" for not being a Christian.

The idea was that a photograph of Dave at a Christian wedding would help the very ill father to believe that Dave still had a chance of eternal salvation. So they got the very best professional photographer to set up a very "staged" photo. To get the best lighting the photo of the bride, groom and a dog collared minister, was taken in a photgraphic studio. It took an hour and involved the minister standing on a foot high plinth to be seen to tower above Dave and Ma'soomah.

The photographer also tried a photo with a cross in the background. But it looked odd and Dave and Ma'soomah rejected it.

The Minister behind the couple made his dog collar the focal point. Their wedding rings in the foreground were of secondary importance. The usual focal point, the smiling bridal faces, were slightly out of focus so that they didn't compete too much with the main and secondary focus points .

The Minister's purple stole trailed on Dave and Ma'soomah's shoulders was barely noticeable. It was a subtle reminder of it being a Christian marriage..

The photo was then printed on the finest quality paper and framed. Dave sent the photo to his parents. His father gave it prominence over the first wedding photograph.

He was delighted that his son had a Christian wedding. He said a prayer thanking God for the wedding.

This shows how the Bahá'í wish for unity is fulfilled by simple, yet profound, acts of kindness.

The Sixth Wedding

Full disclosure, getting into Gaza was extremely difficult, tedious and involved a bit of bending the truth and a little bribery. Ma'soomah's father applied for special visas at the Israeli embassy. Nobody can travel to Gaza for tourism or private purposes. So telling them we wanted to get married and letting an elderly Jew eat fish wouldn't get us a visa.

Ma'soomah's father needed one of 3 specific reasons for traveling to Gaza. Luckily he was able to take advantage of the "important business issues" category. So, for official Israeli purposes, the five of us were now a trade delegation hoping to import goods from Gaza.

I was the "money man" who wished to co-invest with Ma'soomah's father. This meant I could avoid tricky questions about what we were hoping to import. I was simply there to say Yes or No to any projects.

The elderly Jew, bless him, took a great deal of time researching all matters to do with trade between Gaza and the West Bank / Israel. He supposedly had expertise in redeveloping business practices, ensuring the quality and volumes of production matched market opportunities.

We tested his knowledge and he gave convincing answers to all the questions we put to him. An expert would soon discover he was scamming. But he was the weakest part of the plan. If he was found out, all of us would be refused exit from Israel or deported back to Israel.

It was essential for us to have a Hamas "contact" to notify the Ministry of Interior about our arrival, the purpose of our visit and confirm which hotel we were staying in. Dave used his Hamas contact, and a little inconvenience money, to get us that essential link that enabled us to get into Gaza.

We got through Israeli passport control. My heart was racing as I suspected we would not get any further. I feared I would end up being deported. I am not going to be recruited as a spy by MI5.

If the Hamas contact failed to show up we would not get any further. But Dave's Hamas contact was there to meet us at the Palestinian side of the Erez border crossing. We got on a free shuttle bus which drove us through an empty "no man's land". At the first checkpoint, they checked our bags for prohibited items.

We then took taxis to the next checkpoint some 300 meters ahead. There, some Palestinian Authority officers asked us some questions about the purpose of our visit to Gaza. We then let us through the gate to the Hamas side.

The intersection was full of cars, people and donkey carts. Hamas officers took us across the street to their checkpoint. They asked us additional questions, checked our passport and bags and registered our entry into the Strip.

Despite my fears about deportation, we had arrived in Gaza. We took taxis to the Grand Palace Hotel.

At The Hotel

The elderly Jew's Muslim friend was already in his hotel bedroom. We each had a room to ourselves and we had booked a separate room for our business meetings. This room would be where the humanist wedding would take place.

I have led humanist weddings in England in the most unusual places. I must say, this will be the most unusual and also the shortest.

Indeed, wedding scripts are usually standardised, with the blanks filled in for each couple. I give couples a bespoke ceremony that reflects their personality.

We agreed that the ceremony would not include religious words but the guests would have time for prayer before the ceremony.

I would arrive with the couple. They would say something about love and commitment in a non-religious way

The couple's would say something about their hopes for the future

The couple make their own promises

Exchange of rings

Pronouncement as married

Words of well-wishing from me

It took all of 15 minutes. Ma'soomah told me that she now felt fully married. I knew what that meant to their night time activity.

Tragedy

I went to a business meeting with Ma'soomah's father. We arrived back at the hotel to hear of the news. As the Jew, Muslim friend, Dave and Ma'soomah went to have fish at a seaside restaurant a drive by shooter opened up on them. Dave and Ma'soomah had put themselves between the gunman and the elderly men. They were taken to hospital where they were all pronounced dead.

I thought that somehow, despite all our efforts at secrecy, the gunman knew about the elderly Jew. But now, instead of a marriage bed, Dave and Ma'soomah lay on a morgue slab. I was told that Gaza has a high murder rate and it may just have been a drugged up teenager shooting wildly.

But whatever the cause, Dave and Ma'soomah's 5th wedding would be their last. The Jew and the Muslim were united in death as well.

I had to console Ma'soomah's father and I phoned Dave's parents to give them the bad news.

Dave's mother answered. I said "I have the worst ever news to give you. Dave was walking on the Gaza Promenade with his wife and 2 elderly men they know. A gunman in a car driven by another man pointed an automatic weapon at the them. Dave and Ma'soomah put themselves between the elderly men and the gunman".

Dave's mother stopped me "Don't tell me any more. I don't want to hear anything more about it"

I was surprised that she didn't want to hear that her son was dead. She continued "Just answer one question. Just tell me whether he was taken to a hospital"

I said "Yes, he was".

She said "Thank you. Will I be truthful if I say to my husband that Dave and Ma'soomah acted heroically and were taken into hospital. Dave's friend will give us more information later on?"

I confirmed "Yes that is accurate"

So that is all Dave's mum told his father. He died a few days later knowing his son had a hope of salvation and was a hero. He never knew that his son was dead.

Dave's mother then phoned me so I could give her the full details of Dave's demise.

The elderly Jew and the Muslim were buried in Gaza. Dave's mother attended the funeral ceremony in Haifa. She stays with Ma'soomah's father and they go to the St Valentina celebrations together (separate rooms, of course). Call me a romantic but I hope that one day Ma'soomah's father's hand will each out to touch hers.

Nothing stops humanists believing in Cupid.