- Humor & Satire
- Welcome to Mc Hell!
Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.
You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.
Click hereWelcome to Mc Hell! How may I torture you today? Ways to torture yourself and the customers while working at Mc Donald's
While working one morning at my fabulous job *smirk* with a new manager on duty, some one made the comment "welcome to Mc Hell". This got me to thinking; what could we do to make our jobs all that much more enjoyable? Hope you enjoy and think of this the next time you go through the Golden Arches Drive through. I will be adding more to this as my own tortures continue.
1) Take a nap in the fryer. *Note: Be sure to set them on fries so that some one will shake you half way through. Wouldn't want you to burn.
2) While in the lobby, yell back "Hey, did anyone get that dead rat out of the ice machine?"
3) Speak a foreign language when people pull up in the drive through. *Note: If you don't know a foreign language, make one up. Clicking noises work well too.
4) Draw a chalk out line of Grimmus and a couple of fry-guys in the lobby. Finish it of with police tape and some globs of ketchup.
5) Wrap biscuits in griddle wrappers, griddles in muffin wrappers, and muffins in griddle wrappers.
6) Suggest something not on the menu that sounds really good. "Would you like to try a rich hot fudge cheese cake this morning"
7) Only serve decaf coffee, but don't tell anyone.
8) Have a shift ran by a crew who are all under 5'4" tall. Then put everything on the top shelf and hide the step ladders.
9) Never have more than three hash browns ready at a time.
10) Start making out with the Ronald statue. *Note: If your store doesn't have a Ronald statue, either find a promo cut out of any type, or stand in a corner and make out with the broom.
11) Wash tables only when people are sitting at them.
12) When some one comes up to the counter, have a grill person hawk a luggie
13) After some one walks up to the counter say, "I'll be right with you" then go to the back room for ten minutes
14) Put a "wet paint" sign on all the seats and see if anyone sits down.
15) When working front counter, speak in an accent and only use the phrases: "Hello", "help you?", "yes", and "come again". Be sure to act like you have no idea what the customers are saying and have a big smile on your face at all times.
16) Use the Canadian bacon as mini freebies, and then put them back in a tray.
17) Put an "out of order" sign on the drive thru speak box. *Note: This works well on bathroom doors as well, but only if you put one sign on each of them.
18) Set a mouse trap in the cream container
19) Have the pregnant girl act like she's going into labor.
20) When some one asks for a different happy meal toy, hand them three of the same toy, smile, and say, "take your pick".
21) When working table (making sandwiches for those who don't know Mc Crew lingo), never use special order stickers. If anyone asks if this is their special order, say yes no matter if it is or not.
22) When asked to stock the special sauce say "I'll need *name of male crew member*, 15 minutes, and the key to the freezer". Be sure customers hear you. Note: If you are a male (and you prefer) just ask for porn.
23) Be sure the drive thru visa machine goes down just as you're getting busy.
24) Use the drive thru head set as a microphone and sing Britney Spears songs when customers pull up. Note: This is also a great torture if there are two people with head sets on. Maybe a battle of the bands day is in order.
25) Run out of fries just as 10 cars pull in.
26) Never have enough change in the drive thru register, or any other register for that matter.
27) Paint the Golden Arches grey. If any one asks why they are grey tell them: "They're just tarnishing".
28) Have the maintenance man clean the drive thru when there is a line of cars wrapped around the building.
29) When he's out there, have him fall under a car so that it looks like he was run over.
30) When working front counter, only use sign language.
- COMMENTS
as a person that has worked a grocery store i know all to well that this is just how you want to treat shit customers. been guilty of turning on the sarcasm mode and so on when i get fed up. this was a funny read.
When making a drink for your co-worker, fill the bottom of the straw with OraGel or some other oral pain killer. They get a mouthful on the first drink and can't talk right for a few minutes.
Change the spelling on the marquee at random.
"Classic Deluxe" Can become "Ass Deluxe" very quickly.
This was short, sweet, and hilarious! I loved this humorous essay on how to annoy people at Mickey D's. I've never read any of M'lady France's work before, but I just might after this. I just wish that I had thought of it while working fast food. Then again, I would have gotten fired, so maybe it was for the best. Besides, I don't think it has been out that long.
I really HAD to give this a 100, even with errors in spelling. It just had sheer humor and satire quality.
I missed this one somehow. You have a very warped and lurid imagination. And you are now my idol...I loved this piece. I'll never be able to eat at another McD's thinking about the special sauce...roflmao...
VERY good list! Haven't worked McD's, but did work A&W for 3 yrs in high school, and had so many of the same experiences.
takes be back to the days when I was a courtesy clerk (bag groceries, transfer them to my cart, take them to the customers car and load them) at a supermarket here in virginia called Ukrops. I wish I had thought to write something like this when I was working there! ABSOLUTLY BRILLIENT! I am very tempted to print it off and take to my local McD's :)