All Comments on 'Fantasies from Afar Pt. 03'

Has the potential of being a great story. Not enough content and it's taking too long to develop.

hot play between the two

Nicely done, but watch your comma splices. You can't connect two independent clauses with a comma. You have three options: 1) use a comma with a conjunction, 2) make them separate sentences, or 3) use a semicolon in place of a comma. Two examples:

"I hope it helps you finish, you deserve it for working so hard."

This example should be two separate sentences, or you could replace the comma with a semicolon.

"I'm not meaning to torture you, it just gets me so hard knowing how badly other guys want you."

You could fix this example by writing, "I'm not meaning to torture you, but it just gets me so hard knowing how badly other guys want you." You could also make it two separate sentences or use a semicolon.

Where are parts 1 & 2?

I agree with one of the comments. I feel like a kid in the back seat. I know the place we're going is going to be awesome, but I keep asking, are we there yet?

Anticipating the next chapter

Love all the teasing

Thanks