- Erotic Poetry
- Last Time
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remembering our last time
the way you teased
brought me right
to the edge
then pushed me over...
like a tsunami
drawing back
then overwhelming me
with a flood of sensation
doesn’t help to subdue
the memory
of the awful way
you screamed
as you left me
the way you cried
I pleaded with you
not to go
I tried everything
it wasn’t enough
to keep you
I’m left with no choice
but to find another
battery-powered friend.
- COMMENTS
. . . and reeled me right in. I was truly feeling your pain--right down to the last line. Nice job.
Adroit, slithery, manque in an not maudlin way, with charming denouement. Delightful! Submit this to the New Yorker!
Nice start to your writing career. This is a well written poem that has great form and good structure. It flows smooth and the words are rich and vibrant. You display a powerful image of emotion that turns the tables and becomes very humorous because of the way you set up a dark and rich tone. The first stanza alone could stand as a poem. The way you tied it all together worked rather well, which is hard to do because of how deep the beginning was set up. Good job and very funny. I hope you keep writing because you have a way with words. You really know what you're doing.
It was very powerful and the end made me giggle. Excellent work!!
I read it so fast the last part didn't even register in my mind until about five seconds later. Now I'm laughing my ass off! Wonderful poem, sweet and lighthearted. Hope to see more from you!
:kiss:
...kicker at the end as all have said. The build up was intense as well. Loved it, eric.
Nicely done, VA. I'm not one for poetry, but it's nice to see one that isn't over-dramatically sickening. Well done, and humorous.
Q_C
You pulled me in with the first verse and left me laughing with the last!!!
Great job!
~Honey
As I was reading down the poem, I was thinking to myself, "How amazing. The author is tackling the 'now you're gone wahhhh' theme and actually making it interesting and succint - very hard to do. I shall have to watch this talent." Then I came to the end ;) Better and better! Loved it, loved it. Well done indeed.
I'm so glad you posted it, Sweet. =0) (yes, I know, I'm late....I've been distracted.)
happened quick. Maybe you could draw us a little longer. Nah! It's perfect.
sweet, sexy ... with a kicker at the end ... nicely done!!!
Well written, evocative and funny. Can't wait to see your next work!
What a surprise ending. Started like any love poem, but then at the end - Wham!
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I think Black & Decker make a really sturdy one.
Great poem--I loved the surprise!
had the last laugh on Me. Now, why didn't I think of writing a poem like this? lol
This was great - from the first line I got roped into what I thought was a spurned love poem and... BAM! the last line hit Me between the eyes, in the funny bone and uh... ahem...well, let's just say a bone of another kind. <wink> Gotta go now and check the batteries in something...
Vixxx
A serious reflection with an amusing twist. Thanks for the chuckle.
Well written with a twist to kick us at the end. I liked it enough to give a 5. It's great to have so many new and good poets arriving these days.
keep on writing!
Tess
or maybe sweetly bitter. I can relate! Great work. Thank you, LJ.