Surgery - The Aftermath

He stays a week in the hospital
We almost lose him once
We cry together
She and I
In their bed
My body curled
Around hers
Our fingers
And our tears
Intertwined

I visit him every day
With her
Except for the one day
When she asks me to
Stay home
And the next day
When I went
To him
without her

We tend to him
Helping him
Eat
Bathe
Dress
I thank his nurses
Threaten his doctors
When he is discharged
Stitches and bandages
Everywhere
We go together
And bring him home

Every day
I change his dressings
Clean his wounds
Cook him gentle foods
And mash them
Into purées and pastes
That his newly built tongue
Can tolerate

We take turns
Alone with him
She at night
Me during the day
While she is at work

I cherish those moments
When we can be us
I am careful
I treat him delicately
Stroking his hair
Rubbing his shoulders
Kissing him softly on the lips
Hugging him gently

Every now and then
he slaps my ass
With his good hand
I smile because
He still wants to
And I worry
At his lack of force
And power
And strength

Today I lead him to the couch
Rest his head in my lap
Play with his hair for hours
He purrs like a kitten

I await the day
He will lead me to a couch
A bed
A wall
And growl like a beast
As he holds me down
And works me over
And hurts me intentionally
Not because he might die
Not because he remembers
That he loves her too

I await the day
When his tongue will
dance with mine
And reacquaint itself
With the curves and contours
Of my body
And I hope
He saves it for me
And me alone

I await the day
When he will realize
I did not need him
To damn near die
To love him
Cherish him
Take care of him

No matter what
He does
At night
With her
In their bed
She will never
Be the person
Who loved him
Before she thought
He might die

I loved him then
I love him now
I love him always
No matter what

He is home
He survived
I hope in part
He did it
For me

I am
Not done
Loving him
Yet