- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Unkempt Promise
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Click hereDarkness greets the evening in cold gray strands,
and dreams fail to offer respite.
Trouble seeps from the morning mail in blood-red letters:
Disconnect Notice
by tomorrow . . .
She reaches for the saving grace of amber solace
to cloud realities embrace.
Before the liquid sates the sinner, she pauses.
Her three children may not eat,
again.
She prays to God,
help
I'll not drink again.
Hollow is the promise as the liquid tempts,
and then eases,
for now.
She dreams of marshmallows roasting over an open flame.
- COMMENTS
😢 I love everything about your poetry, I felt as though I was there, watching this unfold. It broke my heart. thank you for sharing x
(a5 btw) I was to ask, what is the purpose of this poem, the purpose of each word, the rationale? Why is it saving grace not merely grace, why is it amber solace and not the solace of amber, would you have an answer? How do you feel about the opening line:
Darkness greets the evening in cold gray strands,
Darkness greeting the evening? How can this be reworded?
These are the things you have to think out. If you have, fine, you have your reasons, but you must have YOUR reasons. You may want to consider reading some of Senna Jawa's posts. You don't have to agree with him, but it may enlighten (slight pun) things.
Best
Your best poem so far, but maybe needs a little editing, for example, delete 'strands' from line one and in line two 'offer no' is a sharper contrast than 'fail to offer' -- the single verb has a little more bite.
Maybe delete 'letter' and the colon from line 3 and let the line break do the emphasis.
and so on if you like; and if you like not, it's still your best V.