Greg's Mystery Life

Where the hell had it all become so complicated? Kidnappers who beat the husband over the head, then suddenly turn unexpectedly solicitous about his health, a ransom note left to the family of a different woman, but a different woman who, it appeared, didn't even exist?

"Shit!" she said to herself. She'd talk this through with Dave. Something was very seriously wrong with this case.

Back in the police station, she headed to the detective office and caught up with Dave.

"Dave, there's something screwy about this kidnapping, but I'm not sure what it is."

Dave shrugged. "Yeah, I know what you mean. Do you think Greg Baker has sold us a story? Did he murder his wife and come up with the kidnap story to throw us off the track?"

Kathy shook her head. "No, Dave. We spoke about this before. I must admit that I wondered about that at first, but I soon concluded that wasn't the case. The two blows to the head and the kick in his side were not faked blows. In fact, he was lucky he didn't have to have his spleen removed. Plus forensics wouldn't support anything like that."

Dave nodded in agreement. "Okay, I'll agree with you on that one, but I think we need to try to establish exactly what the heck has been going on. The tech guys were able to extract the cell phone's IMEI number from the call and the phone was part of a batch of 1,000 cell phones sold to a major national discounted electronics retailer called Karltronix. In a day or so, we should have the final breakdown so we will know which actual store sold it."

"Dave, that's great! Good work on that. Knowing where the phone was bought might prove of help to us. So, what do we do next?"

Dave looked thoughtful for a while then he said: "I think we should follow the advice of one of the greatest of all modern sages, Bob the Dinosaur, and do absolutely nothing."

"Bob the... who the fuck is Bob the Dinosaur?" said Kathy, laughing.

"Bob is one of the characters in Scott Adams' cartoon series. He is married to a female dinosaur called Dawn, they have a baby dinosaur called Rex.

"Anyway, in one of the cartoon strips Bob and Dilbert's Indian colleague Asok have been commissioned by the Pointy Haired Boss to rewrite the company's COBOL system to make sure it's safe from the Millennium bug.

"Bob's suggestion is that rather than starting to work on it, that they just stand still and do nothing and 'actively wait' for the problem to go away.

"Then the Pointy Haired Boss comes back in, tells them there's been a reorganisation and that the project's been cancelled!"

Kathy laughed and said: "Why is that relevant to us?"

"Because I feel that if we just sit back and wait, good things will come our way."

"Okay, Dave, I see your point. But why was a dinosaur asked to do COBOL programming?"

"Well, because he was a dinosaur, people kept mistaking him for a COBOL programmer!"

Kathy punched his arm. "Dave, you are such a fucking nerd!"

"Guilty as charged!" he replied, laughing.

"Actually, you have a good point, there, Dave. I mean, we have done everything we can do, so far. When we get the details of the store that the phone was sold from, we can contact their local police and see if they can help trace who the phone was sold to."

Kathy had a couple of glasses of wine before she went to bed at 11pm that night. At 3AM she was woken by the ringtone of her phone. Instantly awake, she grabbed it. "Hello, Kathy Stewart. Who's this, please?"

She was met with some gasping sobs before the caller was able to get it together sufficiently enough to speak. "Sorry to bother you, Kathy. It's Greg Baker. I know it's late, but I just had a nightmare, a dream of the night of the kidnap. I can now remember everything that happened, and none of it makes sense! Nothing was like it was supposed to be, it's all wrong! All of it!"

Kathy interrupted him. "Can this wait until the morning, Greg?"

"I don't think so, I'm afraid that if I go back to sleep I'll forget the dream and I won't be able to remember what happened!"

"Okay, yeah, makes sense. You sound upset, so rather than having you drive to the police station, Dave and I will be with you at your home as just soon as we can, okay? Meanwhile, try to calm yourself down."

She ended the call and dialled the number of Dave, who, to her surprise, answered his phone immediately.

"Hi, Dave. I just had a call from Greg Baker, he has remembered everything that happened on the night of the kidnapping and I think it's best if we go over there now to talk him through it.

"He sounded very, very upset by what he recalled. I had a couple of glasses of wine before I went to bed, and rather than risk a DUI charge, can you pick me up, please? And anyway, what are you doing up so late?"

Dave laughed: "I'll be at yours in about ten minutes. And for your information I was binge watching an Australian cop drama series called 'Blue Heelers' on YouTube. I was wondering if I should watch another episode or go to bed, but you just opened a third door for me!"

At 3.40AM they arrived at Greg's house. He let them in, seemingly much calmer than he had been just 40 minutes before.

"I'm sorry that I called you, I had the dream, then when I woke up I realised I could recall all, or most all, of what happened on that evening. I thought about telling you in the morning, but I was suddenly nervous about maybe forgetting the dream, before then. Would you like coffees? It's just made."

Kathy replied: "That's not a problem, and yes, please, to the offer of coffee, thank you."

They followed him through into the kitchen of the house. Kathy wondered if he was deliberately avoiding the lounge, or if that was a subconscious thing.

Greg invited them to sit round the large farmhouse style white pine table. "So, what's the deal, Greg? What really happened that Tuesday night?"

"I now realise that Tawny was not kidnapped, that the whole thing was a setup and a fake, and that she was involved in it right up to her fucking neck."

"What makes you think that?" asked Kathy.

"When I got hit in the head twice and kicked in the side, I remember that I heard her shout: "No, Scotty, don't! Don't hurt him!"

"Scotty?" asked Dave. "Does that name mean anything to you?"

"I'll say it does!" replied Greg, bitterness in his tone. "He was Kathy's big, one true love. They dated throughout high school, then continued into college. There was talk of wedding bells and a nice honeymoon (or so I was told, I didn't really move in Tawny's social circle back in the day), but what I do know is that suddenly Scott O'Shea had left town to join the Marines, that he and Tawny were no longer an item and that it took her several years to get over it. Then, we met up at work, started dating, and eventually, we got married."

Dave said: "Why do you think it was a faked kidnapping? Why do you think Scott O'Shea had anything to do with it?"

After a swallow of coffee Greg replied: "Because he is the only Scott we know, and Scotty was Tawny's pet name for him."

"But it might have been a different Scott." persisted Dave.

Before Greg had a chance to answer Kathy interjected: "Yeah, but that doesn't negate the fact that Tawny knew the identity of at least one of the "kidnappers," that she had such influence over him that he followed her order to not inflict more pain on Greg and that she was able to have him put in the recovery position?"

"Yeah, you're right," conceded Dave. "So, Greg, you know anything about Scott O'Shea? Such as where he lives, that sort of thing? And is he the same person as Scotty O'Shea, the novelist?"

"Yeah," replied Greg. "The one and the same. There was an article on him in a local magazine a few months back. Apparently, he's doing well for himself, bought a massive compound in Maine, 20 acres or so, not far from Bangor, I think."

Dave whistled. "Wow! Really? Now, isn't that such a pretty little coincidence? Kathy, in all of the excitement I forgot to tell you, Karltronix sent through the details on the cell phones late last night. The phone we are tracking down is one of a batch of 100 units sent to their store in Bangor, Maine. I think that is too much of a coincidence, right?"

Kathy nodded in agreement. "Well, this has progressed the case, nicely. Sorry that it looks like Tawny had some role in her own faked, kidnapping, Greg. We'll keep you up-to-date with any developments. Promise."

Greg nodded, but he had more to say. "You know, when I jumped the man who I now realise was Scott, I didn't expect to live. I thought he'd probably shoot me, but I hoped that I would be able to give Tawny a chance to escape. When he kicked me when I was on the floor, the last thought I had was: 'I have failed my Tawny'. And what a crock of shit it all turned out to be!"

Kathy impulsively hugged Greg: "Greg, you did nothing wrong. You put your life on the line for your woman. The fact she turned out not to be worth it was hardly your fault."

She flushed with embarrassment as they disengaged, but she sensed that Greg was cheered up by what she had said and done.

Back in Dave's car, they talked of the developments in the case as they drove along. "So, we'll have to get the local Maine PD involved? We'll need to get a warrant out for at least the arrest of Scott O'Shea and an extradition order, too."

"Yeah, looks likely."

"Dave, have you ever heard of Scott O'Shea?"

"Matter of fact, I have. I read the first three of his books. They were good, enjoyable, but after the third book I realised that all of his novels were the same basic theme and that all of the plots had the look of Swiss cheese, there were so many holes in them.

"Actually, that's given me an idea. The kidnapping of the wife, the leaving a fake kidnap letter to someone who doesn't even exist, this all sounds too much like one of the plots from a Scotty O'Shea novel. Impractical and full of holes. I'll bet you $10 that he came up with the stupid idea."

"Okay! I'll take your bet! Could this be one of the plots for a novel he hasn't written yet?" mused Kathy as they drove toward her house.

"Yeah, maybe. We'll get the local police to get a warrant and search his computer equipment, notebooks, and so on. I have a contact with an officer in the Detective Division of the Penobscot Sheriff's office which covers Bangor. I originally met him at a convention a few years back."

A week later, Kathy and Dave were seated in the Detective's Division at Penobscot Sheriff's office in Bangor.

Present were Scott O'Shea and his lawyer, the sheriff, resplendent in his uniform, the head of the Detective Division and someone from the DA's office as an observer.

The lawyer was as smooth as silk. He addressed the officers. "All my client will admit to was a certain amount of horseplay that got a little out of hand. Whilst it is regrettable that Mr Baker was slightly injured in the fracas that ensued, I am not sure that criminal charges would be advisable, or proportionate."

As the lead detective, Kathy addressed the lawyer. "I would hardly say that a home invasion during which one of the occupants of the home was punched in the stomach, thrown to the ground, twice hit in the head with a gun causing a skull fracture and then kicked in the side could be described as 'horseplay'.

"And far from 'slight injuries' Mr Baker was hospitalised for several days because of his injuries. It's even possible that he may suffer from ongoing consequences from having his skull fractured, for some time to come.

"So, will your client accompany us back to the City so that he can put on trial?"

The lawyer replied: "What purpose would be served by that? Isn't that rather like 'breaking a butterfly on a wheel' to put Scott on trial?"

Dave interjected: "As Detective Stewart just mentioned, he punched Greg Baker in the guts, threw him to the ground, smashed him in the head twice with a gun and then kicked him in the side. So, maybe there needs to be some justice for that?"

"Look," interjected Scott O'Shea, "I'm sorry that Greg got hurt. That wasn't supposed to happen, I guess I got overexcited. Is there any way that this can be made to just go away?"

The official from the DA's office said: "Look, from our point of view, this is not something that can easily be made to 'just go away.' A man was injured to the point of needing hospital care. This is real life, not one of your novels, Mr O'Shea, and you need to be aware that whatever you do, whatever anyone does, there will always be consequences, some of them negative."

Scott's lawyer looked like he had tasted something bad, but said nothing. The meeting broke up at that point.

Later that morning, after checking through the extradition paperwork, including the letter from the Governor that Kathy and Dave had brought with them, the Penobscot County Sheriff arrested Scott and he was placed in the holding cell pending an extradition hearing, until bail was applied for and granted.

In the afternoon Kathy and Dave were approached by someone they had not expected to see, Tawny Baker. They borrowed an interview room.

"Well, Mrs Baker" said Dave, "I can't say that we expected to see you."

"I just felt I needed to make a plea on behalf of Scott. He never meant to hurt Greg; the situation just got out of hand. Scott isn't a bad man, so he doesn't deserve to be put in jail or punished."

Kathy began to seethe. "You have some nerve, Mrs Baker! Your lover gives your husband a fractured skull, you abandon your poor husband in a pool of blood and you didn't give a flying fuck if he lived or died, did you?"

Stung by Kathy's reply Tawny replied: "That's not true! We thought that once the guys had subdued him, that Greg would just allow the kidnapping to be carried out. I had no idea he'd attack Scotty. We hadn't figured on that happening. And I put him in the recovery position. I'm not a heartless monster, you know?"

"You dumb bitch!" Kathy shouted. "You know what? When he launched himself at Scott, Greg expected that Scott was going to shoot him and kill him. He was sacrificing himself to give you a chance to escape. He thought he'd failed you. But really, you had failed him, didn't you?"

Tawny began crying. "I didn't realise! I never wanted Greg hurt. I thought I could just disappear and that Greg would get over it eventually and just get on with his life, get married to someone else, if he wanted to."

Dave intervened: "That's such a fucking stupid idea! Didn't you realise that he'd be in an emotional and legal limbo for at least seven years, before he could have you declared dead? Is that the fate you wanted for your poor sap of a husband? And as he loved you enough to lay his life down for you, did you really, honestly think that he would be able to just get over your kidnapping and your disappearance? At all?"

Tawny shook her head. "Scotty came up with the idea to stage a faked kidnapping. He was going to use it as the plot for one of his future books."

Kathy pulled a bill out of her wallet, handed it to Dave and said: "Here's the ten-spot I owe you. You were right about where that fucked up idea came from."

"What was that about?" asked Tawny.

"Dave bet me $10 that this idea for the hoax kidnap was so dumb that only Scotty O'Shea could have come up with it. Looks like he was right."

Tawny flushed, then she said: "Don't I need a lawyer when I speak with you guys?"

Kathy shook her head. "No. Not really. We haven't read you your Miranda Rights, we aren't police officers in this jurisdiction and we aren't interviewing you formally. After all, being an adulterous bitch might technically still be a crime in some US states, but not in ours."

Despite Scott's lawyer being silky smooth, (Dave mused to Kathy if that was one of the reasons why some lawyers in Britain were known as "silks"), the extradition process was fairly rapid, taking about half of the 30 day period that was allowed.

However, at trial his lawyer proved how silky smooth he really was by plea bargaining so that Scott was able to offer a plea of "no contest" which netted him a year's suspended sentence for the assault on Scott, and a $10,000 fine.

His two accomplices were not prosecuted. They were a couple of actors who often helped him stage scenes from his novels to help him with the plotting, they had no reason to presume this job was any different from the others, right up until the moment it all went wrong and Greg ended up on the floor, bleeding from the head. By that time, it was too late.

However, the "no contest" plea had an unexpected result for Scott, in that he then had no defence against the Civil Action Greg Baker took out on him. The settlement was out of court and just somewhere north of $1M, with his legal fees and medical bills also covered, though the silky smooth lawyer had managed to have a 'non-disclosure' clause inserted.

As for his Greg's marriage to Tawny, she never came back to the city, preferring to stay with "my Scotty" in his Maine compound. This was probably just as well, because when what she had been involved with became public knowledge, everyone sided with Greg, even most of her blood relatives.

Greg filed for divorce on the grounds of adultery (there's was a fault/no fault state) and there was a 50/50 split. Greg was happy to put the house on the market, as even though his blood had been cleaned from the floor of the lounge by a team of professional cleaners recommended by the police, he would never again feel truly safe or comfortable in that house, which he had long ceased to consider as a home.

He moved to a more compact home a couple of miles away, and with the help of a counsellor he was able to start the long process of recovery from the PTSD that was the result of the fake kidnapping and the assault on him.

One of Greg's friends asked him if he hadn't wanted closure with Tawny.

Greg's response was a classic: "No. Or rather, Hell, no! The only closure that would have done us any good as a couple would have been if she'd have been able to keep her damn legs closed as far as Scott O'Shea was concerned!"

Whenever anyone asked how Tawny was doing he'd reply: "Why would I give a fuck about that bitch? She'd have spread her legs for someone or another, soon enough. 'Her Scotty', the mailman, a neighbour, whoever. Doesn't matter. She's out of my life and that's a damn good thing!"

After a couple of years of counselling he began to date again, and when it became known that he really was the type of guy to lay his life down for his wife if it came to it, his stock rose with women.

To be honest, much more than his stock rose with women, but let's draw a veil of mystery over that, okay?