All Comments on 'In Over My Head Ch. 01'
by ready2play85
- 11 Comments
English NOT IS you're first language is it?
See, that makes perfect sense IF you rearrange it AND fix the you're to your.
You tell a great story but the mistakes are overwhelming.
This is great so far. It was clever, tight, well written, and definitely sexy.
I was chuckling all throughout their camera convo and the climax.
Whatever you do during the next chapter, don't let it involve him showing total acceptance of the situation. I'm sure a lot of people find the whole 'being open-minded' thing rather ideal, but it's rather dull and hardly realistic. I mean, perhaps if he had known she was a shemale all along and just tentatively, that would work. But until this point, he was fantasizing about a pussy--and just because he got off from shoving plastic up his ass, that doesn't mean he'll cozy up to the idea of taking dick just from thinking things over.
What would really mesh is having her take charge and drag him into her world after she figures out there was a misunderstanding. After all, it's obvious you were hinting at a bit of a dominant streak, and she definitely wouldn't forget how reactive he was to being penetrated. While I don't imagine her character to be spiteful or malevolent, I imagine she wouldn't be above a bit of scheming to convince him not to run. After all, she does have him on camera.
Aside from the sexual component though, what would really benefit the story as a whole is if you added segments that show her presence and intervention helping him out of his academic funk. In which case, even if he still has doubts later on, he wouldn't be able to say she's been a bad experience.
More please!
A GREAT START. IT WOULD BE FUN TO SEE HER DOMINATING HIM COMPLETELY.
I really enjoyed the story and I can't wait to read more of it.
How beautiful the beginning of this story. As a transexual myself it makes me want to find a boyfriend like that (and one that likes to take on the ass too).
All trannys add me on myyearbook.com willing to b a boyfriend an I do take it up the ass my name on myyearbook is the skinny jeans wearing Robinson
So much bad grammar and spelling in the first three paragraphs. If the main character claims to not know anything, then the writer has no idea how to write a story properly