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Click hereZorran looked over at the three crushed people.
Zorran addressed Susan. "I suggest you get off your fat ass and get a job. You are going to need an income to support you and the two leeches over there."
"As for you two," Zorran said through tight lips, "If you have not figured it out yet, the gravy train just pulled out of the station and you're not on it. I feel it is too late for you to pull your grades up for academic scholarships, but who knows, maybe you can qualify for something. Again reaching into a drawer, he pulled out two much thinner folders. "These contain a list of all the trade schools in the state, also a listing of the military recruiters here in Raccoon City. I would not suggest you utilize the latter as you are truly NOT cut out for the service... but I would be remiss if I did not mention it. Mike, I think you need to get out from under your brother's influence. Get your own identity. Otherwise, you are going to be his flunky for your entire life."
Zorran looked down at his desk and began to write some notes; after a few minutes, he looked up...
"You're still here? Is there anything else you want or need to know? Good. get the fuck out. Oh, Susan, as Bill has left already; please see my scheduler on your way out and pay my bill. Skip on it today and I will have the cops on your ass by tomorrow. Have a good day."
Zorran returned his gaze to the papers on his desk, effectively dismissing Susan, Frank and Mike.
++++++++
Yup, just a fantasy; but you could tell that already. I mean REALLY! Who packs a revolver in today's world of autoloaders?!
- COMMENTS
Lol. This was hilarious. Do you know how many times I have wanted to tell my patients and their families exactly what I think of them? This was wild. Thank you 😊
Very good story, no 1, thanks for sharing. Maybe ole Zorran had a Smith Model 29. Those monsters will take the fight out of just about anyone. Too bad about good old Tyrone, sounds like he had a terrible accident. At least he was in the shower, accident like that probably would’ve ruined the carpet. I really wish there had been one more page, I would have liked to have seen how the whore and her two leeches handled life without Bill’s money coming in to subsidize their worthless existence. Again, excellent story, no 1, for my money it’s definitely a 5 star effort.
Bill was a fuckin’ wimp. Go to the hospital, document injuries, have her BBCs arrested. Restraining order against her. And fuck those two worthless kids.
Agree, would have been funny if she got knocked up too.
If there’s any justice, Tyrone would have knocked Susan up before his balls got sucked down the drain. But I mean seriously, who has a shower drain with enough suction to suck down a set of nuts? I smell a rat here. Wonder if his name is Zorran.
Thanks for the story, no1, I loved it. 5⭐️s.
Revolvers DO have their place. Especially in a desk drawer. Great story. Ole bill at least had balls, and getting your ass whipped don't mean you're a pussy. 5 stars man
Loved this. S. F.
Much appreciated. Not too long and note too short but a perfect fit and perfect conclusion.
The wife deserved to take a dirt nap, along with the two jiggabulls. The fact that they attacked him twice he should have grown a pair bought a heater and ended all three of them, and easily got off any charges as it was self defense, the bitch must have been hit by a "stray" bullet...... and yes they not only deserve it they also deserve eternity in hell "if there is one" I for one would sleep better knowing that's exactly where they and all like them will be.
Who packs a revolver? The guy who knows he's got the only gun in the room.
Lol
Where is the next part.... Where....
Unfinished... Unsatisfactory.
Toooooo much babbling bullshit and then Fusssss.
Nothing.
Totally rushed ending.
Where are their punishment... Their lament...
I always thought it was life's a bitch and then you marry one
Feminist are able to do what they do because even amongst gonad carrying members of the male tribe we have many in our midst who have not checked their balls for a long time..some wear panties and makeup to feel in with the crowd…and the remaining have lost the ability to think rationally and have transferred permanently their grey matter somewhere in the tip of their dicks! Shortly as soon as some scientist develops a way to implant a semen/crest semen in the lab…men will be an extinct animal!
I love this story and how it evokes the scorn of all the woke feminists. Yes, there is another half of the population.
The new title should be "Life's a bitch and then you marry one"
Loved your story again. Just realized the irony.of Raccoon City. Good.one.
someone who doesn't want to worry about the gun jamming ; )
I can see what you were going for but it came up short.
Too over the top to actually be amusing.
Great story. That was fun. It was easy to hate her, but the ending made it worthwhile. Not a chance it would ever happen that way, but who cares?
Sarcasm? Parody? None of the above. Just flat out stupid. Stupid. STUPID.
Great story!!! The only thing wrong is it was way too short,. Loved it. Bill can become my hero. 13 stars. ( Again, I can't count, as you may know. ) The Bear DEFINATELY approves. More, more, more please.
The BEAR
The lazy device of every writer, the cliche BBC and the pussy-whipped husband. Frankly, I expected more from you. You write very well, this was a shitpile.
I like this guy Zorran . Sounds like on of the best counselors in the LW stable. Good story.
You aren't exactly correct, at least in Michigan support can be ordered beyond age 18 if the "child" is in college, at least when I was in court years ago.
"Before he packed everything in for the day, he managed to get hold of his friend Moe, a paralegal at Skrewwum, Skrewwum and Howe for a reference to a divorce lawyer. Moe, was able to get him in to see one of the partners, Lawrence "Curley" Howe, the next day." Personally I'd take Bud and Lou over the Stooges.
"I mean REALLY! Who packs a revolver in today's world of autoloaders?!" You do realize the one big advantage of revolvers over pistols? If a pistol misfires it takes two hands and time to clear it, if a revolver misfires you just pull the trigger again. Of course I'm talking about modern double action revolvers. Thanks for the fun, but then again I'm not too it was just a fantasy, it sure didn't seem like it when I went through it. Signed: BTW
was an interesting twist. Authors should stop with the "and you'll have to pay for college" bit. It isn't true in the vast majority of states.
Anonymous 11/01/19 looks be another Susan in waiting! She is now afraid that her husband will find out that she has been screwing Tyrone’s two brothers. Her comments were just trying to save face so as Zorran says “Tell the bitch to fuckoff!”
I love when ignorant writers perpetuate the, "women biologically need more sex than a single male can provide." That may be the case in YOUR life, you dickless moron, but not for the rest of us.
Good story about taking the shrew. A little over the top, but so are most fantasy stories. Racist? I don't think so. The bbc starring in this story are exactly the same as in any LW story, here only as sex objects for degrading "inferior"White men. Nothing degrades you like.having.your wife go dark. This time the black bullies got what they deserved.
I'm sure if you try real hard you can make you next story even more racist. Hard to believe, I know.
Hey, no1...thanks for the fun addition to the pile of 'same old, same old' that clogs the files here at Lit.
Nice guy gets a reality check. His wife was a horrible individual, but his sons were complete garbage. What those 2 young men needed was a swift boot up the ass. Thanks for sharing no1specific.
No comments about this being racist. A brother is dead another maimed. Great job. 5
Damn, Anon, if you hate the stories her on Lit. so much, why do you torture yourself by reading them? As for “misogynistic”, I don’t think you understand the meaning of the word. I thought the story was a little bit over the top, but that’s what satire is about, isn’t it? But there was one thing that really, really bothered me: Zombie Polka bands? Good God, what has the world become?
If you don't think this is funny then you had no brain cells to begin with.
You guys need to grow a sense of humor. You must think comedy is an ugly growth on humanity that should be carved out and replaced by a more sensible alternative. This story is the answer to all the husbands screwed by an unfair system that is blind to reality. The law firm of "Skrewwum, Skrewwum and Howe" was the funniest thing I've ever read. Hopefully Bill has seen the light and will take his balls from his wife's purse, take them in his own hands and get out from under the cloud of darkness posing as a wife and boys. This easily earned a 5 star.
I mean if it was funny or well written one can overlook the ridiculousness, misogynist and racist tone of the story. But it’s so poorly written and uninteresting! Only LW readers where it seems so many of the fans seems to be wounded little men would a drivel like this get such a high score.
I was laughing at the end! I assume that was intent of the story if not sorry it was to my reading pleasure!
Please keep writing and I will keep reading
This may be, hands down, one of the most ridiculous stories I've read here......I think I lost brain cells reading it.
Your story has no basis in reality. What state do you live in that would let a man come into your home, assault you, fuck your wife and then punish you in court...well other than California? The only question here would have been which one of them I would have shot first. The fact this story has a rating of over four is why I give ratings little credence.
A good wheelgun will never let you down. Good story otherwise ;)
But I have a question. Why does swingerjoe continue to review comments about his comments? Then make anonymous comments supporting his comments. There was a hand signal in high school which explained swingerjoe's behavour, you point your index finger straight up on your right hand and stick your right hand thumb at 90 degrees! That is what swingerjoe is |_ (a Loser), lmao!
Yes, it was over the top and chock full of clichés. The husband is/was a complete wimp, but maybe he'll do better in the future. Wife and kids had no value whatsoever. Still, Zorran was fun and the only real man in the story. Thanks for the laugh.
God bless that was awful! Awful good!
I keep thinking of all those poor slobs who've really been screwed over by their wives. This story just seems to be what they need to hear.
Sure it was make believe, but who cares. I mean really.
Write some more like this and you'll be running for president... and winning!
Jedd Clampett
Actually...
The man was hit by the "Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything" from "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" by Douglas Adams.
I think it has symmetry that he is smacked down by the meaning of life.
And thank you for the education regarding the Zombie-Death-Polka genre. I never knew the origin of your title, and enjoyed all the different musical references in the song, especially since I love Klezmer and clarinet music. So...that is what is created at high altitudes...
If only someone could answer me why we are all here... if only there was a white mouse somewhere in the whole large UNIVERSE who could answer a simple question
The 42 throws me, probably because I am less erudite than #1spec. But I do find an Express Bus long after rush hour to be unusual! But, not as unusual as slipping repeatedly and getting your cojones caught in the drain! Especially for guys who have great rhythm.
This was actually really funny,, I thought it was going down a different road, but the good doctor saved the day hahaha.
Yeah! Go for Zorran. We need him as a political consultant. Think of what a hard dose of reality would do to DC........ thanks for sharing.
Yowzah yowzah yowzah!!!!
It's a feel good story about righting wrongs.
Realistically many guys have to go to ground. It's our own fault. We agreed to those changes in divorce laws. Now there seems no way to get back to parity.
Come on people.... no one caught the meaning of the bus number???
Seriously, thanks for all the comments; good and bad. If I can get you to react, I am doing my job!
No1
Hell yes...... loved the story, and then the Yul Brennner reference.... awesome. thank you
Wow, made my day. Terrible that any person would have such low self esteem but it sure saved his butt in the end with a giant push from his advisor. I am still smiling and probably will be for the rest of the day. Thanks!
Just to set the record straight, I own.....
a Beretta 96
a S&W99
a Raven in .25
and.... wait for it.... waaaaaaait.... a S&W K-Frame, Model 10 in .38 Special
this of course does not catalog long guns, shot guns, clamors, etc. etc. etc. (the last part is said in a Yul Brynner "The King and I" accent
This is a total piece of garbage and appears to have been written by a mentality deficient old male.
But I loved the 3 Stooges references! Thoroughly enjoyed this tale and I hope to read more. 5*, easy!
First I assumed this was high satire and parody , but after looking at today's offerings in this genre , I'm gonna reread this and try to perceive it as Truth !
Shame it's come to this , but the faggots just won't stop polluting the LW hub with garbage!
I suppose this is meant to be parody. Satire. In no way is it successful. Only those who have the empathy of a venomous snake could like it. I was surprised that the KKK did not come with their sheets to hang the first therapist and put the county court to ruin and burn. It is one of the worst I have read on here. So many hateful stereotype possible were included. Woman hater. Check. Race check. Hater of kids check. That the kids turned out the way they did was on him too. Ridiculous but so bad it just pissed me off. Actually it is the men who usually come out ahead in a divorce. Check the rates of poverty for women and kids before and after divorce. Free and reduced lunches in school after a divorce. What sex has the most cases of being abused and killed by spouses. It ain't even close guys. It is in the thousands. I do not trust the guys who like this shit. So I carry a 9 m. Slim and 3 inch barrel. I shoot with my 11 year old grand daughter teaching her how to take care of herself. Baton and gun. Gun now is a S&W M P .22 15 and will switch to the same model only in a 5.56 when she is able. I still have my S&W police 38 just for nostalgia that I got when I was in a gang in the 50s. Since I do not trust in those folks who hate others because of race, nationality, sex or whatever my weapon of choice for my defense is the Kel-Tec KSG 14 round capacity. It is a better weapon for what is needed now than anything I used in the Corps although there is some nostalgia for being able to group four rounds center mass at 800 yards. Oh well.
Very entertaining story. Thanks for sharing. I am still laughing.
OK, so I'm easy. Have to admit the dufus husband deserved the shit he allowed to accumulate in his life. A cute ending, but I suspect if the wife and son's cry big enough tears for long enough the poor schlep will relent and assume the position once again. You can't fix stupid.
A 4" Colt Diamondback in .38 special. Sometimes in an ankle holster, a Colt Detective Special. Pray and spray ain't what I do!
The author wrote:
"Both Bill and Susan shook their heads up and down."
WTF? How about nodded their fucking heads? Or more succinctly, "Bill and Susan nodded." Better, "they nodded."
When you say Bill and Susan, it implies both. Both followed by Bill and Susan is redundant. Don't do that.
The theory around here seems to be that everyone should be done as quickly as possible. Life changing decisions, violent reactions, and revenge must all be administered while hot... Oh well that is about the comments...... The story is interesting...
Sure he finally escaped but who cares. He liked being a humiliated wimp. No man with any balls would have put up with that extreme disrespect. The Cunt and her worthless welfare scumbag lovers would be dead. Hell he could even claim self defense as her scumbag lovers more then likely had records. No that would have been a great ending. This was just a Pathetic story
How's that for a wicked combo?
Yes, we've all known families that operate in ways that include these dynamics -- some to a great degree. Sad but true, I had a taste of that shit sandwich in a former life (except for the fucking around -- at least she never did that to me).
Get out! Run! To hell with the cost, it will be worth it even if you have to live in your car for a while!
Loved every word of it... Read it as the author meant it to be read 5
...disguised as a story. All the usual assholes who dwell here are calling it "satire" or "humor" so they don't have to admit it's "dogshit". On the other hand, the truly damaged and moronic are claiming it to be fine literature with straight faces. I don't know which is worse.
When the wimp cuck and evil slutwife lovers come here and whinge, moan and complain about a story that most of the LW readers love and score accordingly. Funny and a great read, good to start the day off with a smile 5+++*
Let's see..... break the secon "r", add to the first "r" turning it into an "h".
Zohan 😎
Absolutely loved it, Men get fucked by the legal system. It seems most women are phsyco these days and liberal women are the worst. Black guys just want to populate the world without taking care of the gang members they produce. God is pissed and I hope its quick and final
how is it justice for his wife and children to do him wrong all their years together, but it's two black guys who get the death penalty? Hmmm. Maybe their families need to employ Zorran. Thanks for the story. Keep writing them and I'll keep reading them.
Assholes who only laugh at their own jokes.
Loved this story. Puts most of the world in perspective.
But there's nothing wrong with having a big bore spin gun. Cocking the hammer back has much the same effect on the person in front of it as racking a shotgun.
Otherwise, as I said, good story :)
I enjoyed it. Very funny. Thank you for posting. Raccoon City gets such a bad rep, you know with all the zombies and whatnot...
This is so good. I will be reading again and again. Especially with all the cuckold stories on here.
Joe, it depends on the context.
In the context of the hotwife/cuckold stories where the wife needs her BBC fix, yes that is racist.
In a story that is an OBVIOUS parody, it is not.
Joe, we obviously disagree a lot, but I never thought that you weren't intelligent. If you're not just joking, and the parody here REALLY went over your head, I may need to adjust my opinion.
Bro, you had me there. Fuck that was a nice one. Maybe a bit too far, ha ha. What can I say, though, I like my bitches crispy :))
All you jagoffs should really look at the history of the word "racism" ooooohh....it's so authoritative...it just gives you a boner to throw it at people.
Fucking pathetic.
Why are you such a bunch of scared little sheep who can't see that "racism" is another commie jew made up word? You are so nutless that you can't call a spade a spade. It is a political program.
Don't you realize that in half of so-called enlightened Europe people go to jail when they cross their commie lawyers? For chrissakes wake up and smell the coffee or you're gonna end up like frenchmen and germans with a cinch around your balls and a son-in-law named hamid al jing-dong wong.
Lock 'n Load, Bitches!!
And truer to life than most would be willing to admit. Well done. PS - revolvers put big holes in people just fine.
We have long seen that you don't appreciate the writers who have ability to please the readers and when your A hole buddies do not back you up you go to the ANON comment ID and start carping. This writer must really burn your day. If I was like you I would switch around voting FIVES for a good writer.
Swingerjoe doesn't get parody ? Satire ? Just good old fashion , almost slapstick storyline that a few claim not to be able to discern as just that ?
Or is it that he is pissed that this comical take on LW has met with pretty much across the board praise while his thinly veiled hit piece of 2 or 3 days ago was savaged ?
I'll sit down with you joe and explain the difference between Downton Abbey and The Benny Hill Show so's you'll know the difference next time .
If I painted my face black, stuck a watermelon under one arm and a fried chicken under the other, and shouted, "Where dem white bitches at?!" I don't think anyone would think that I was poking fun at racists. You have a really warped sense of "satire."
If this was supposed to be a satire of LW racists, it sailed over my head as well.
Totally different spin and well presented. It left me wanting more although it was short and to the point. This can be considered a BTB story, but the bitch beat herself! Well Done !!!!............Don
Understand satire much?
Author was poking fun at the BBC stereotypes seen here so often!
Could any story possibly be more racist than this one? And blackrandi1958 actually enjoyed it? Sorry but I just don't see what's supposed to be funny about this. I'm not even sure it is meant to be funny. Even the names that are supposed to be funny are old and stale jokes from the Three Stooges era. Nothing original about this. I don't get all the praise for this one.
Nice swipe at selfish strayers
Absolutely loved the story!! It's about time for the
Truth to be told!! Thank you so much. Would love to see a sequel about their lives and how Bill enjoys his new found freedom!!
Ed
I suppose that if your idea of "humor" is "bitches be stupid, am I right?" then this is high comedy. To me, it reads more like a bitter, angry manifesto. To each his own. Comedy is the most subjective form of entertainment.
The difference between this story and your recent attempt at humor; this story is actually funny. Your story was just a thinly veiled personal attack.
For he knows not one.
He marches in the politically correct feminist parade of bull shit, they are not to blame only straight men are,the truth is women for the most part in western culture see men as ATMs or something to be used to get the money the need.
Is it not funny that when all the studies show the abuse in the homes between men and women is 50/50 all the swingers said those studies are lies, and the divorce rates show it is women breaking the homes up to enjoy being a slut more they cry louder.
Great story very true to the way decent men get screwed but laws and females and modern kids.
This was a great break in the Trash that usually fills this catagory... You will get better and garner more fans I am sure.
Since that turd you called a "satire" bombed so badly, you have to come on here and try to shit on this guy? You seriously need therapy or something. You never stop underestimating the lack of respect people here have for you. Go check your scores, bitch.
In todays World a lot of Husband have no balls. They let wives or girlfriends walk all over them.
Respect yourself first my man.
I managed to make it to the part where "Tyrone" was introduced. When I saw the score for this, I knew it would be awful, but I wasn't prepared for HOW awful it would be. I guess this is supposed to be satire, but it's just so over-the-top depressing and cynical, I couldn't continue reading. No surprise to see who enjoyed it.
Sorry, author, but if this story -- in any way -- reflects your real-life views of women or marriage, I truly feel sorry for you and hope that you find happiness.
P.S. - Randi wants all of us to know that she's organizing a second Legend's Day on the Fourth of July!
Depending on the circumstances, I DO! One very big advantage of a revolver is that they do not leave spent shell casings (with identifying markings) laying around the scene.
All those LW tropes, used in a funny way. Nice touch! A couple of entertaining stories to read! It's a good day.
But, what if you were to wake up one day and check the new Loving Wives page and there was a new story by Postscriptor! Would that be cool? What if you read further and there was also one by DeYaKen, or Carvohi, or Vandemonium1? What if there were stories by all of them? More? Would that be a good day? Only if followed by fireworks, right?
Thank you for picking up on the "Stooge" call out!
I hope everyone enjoyed.
"The most widely supported fan theory on the "real" location of Raccoon City is Springfield, Missouri. Capcom indicates that Racoon City is a Midwestern U.S. town with a population of around 100,000 residents." (Wikipedia) This story had racism and sexism, along with traces of humor and a great deal of very dark fantasy. The ending involved murder and probably torture. We are given the set up for two pages and then, in a few paragraphs, the all-seeing Zoltar Speaks (Big) makes his decree and all is at it should be. No zombies were actually harmed in the writing of this "cult classic".
The revolver makes sense if you don't want the maid service to suck up a shell casing in the vacuum cleaner when they clean your office.