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Click hereAt the funeral, of course, we heard those lyrics by Dido, a mix of sadness and resignation with hopeless love.
Particularly this line...
I know I left too much mess and Destruction to come back again And I caused nothing but trouble I understand if you can't talk to me again And if you live by the rules of it's over Then I'm sure that that makes sense
"You got that right, Danielle. I could never forgive you what you did, not deep down. But, as sick as it was, I never stopped loving you. That's why I fucking hate you so much. We never had a chance, due to your toxic personality, but that's okay. Jamie and Michelle are here for me in ways that you never could be. You just didn't have in your spiteful, egotistical, and petty nature to love me how I deserve to be loved. As a person, not a possession. Goodbye, dear. And yes, I'll see you in Hell. All of us will," I said as I both spat on her grave and left a single white rose as a symbol of our romance that she killed that dark and fateful night.
Then I took Jamie's and Michelle's hands and walked back to our Jeep as the sun set on the graveyard. If my ladies happened to grope me a little on the way there, well, that sure beat drugging and kidnapping me, didn't it? As Danielle should have learned back then, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
- COMMENTS
So he went from a cuckhold
(a man whos wife fucks other men)
to a cuck
(a man who LETS his wife fuck other men)
Hardly an improvement
OK with the BTB. Michelle was a good idea. I don't care for polyamory. The only polyamorous story I have read and liked involved identical twin sisters who the way they were written came off as one woman in two bodies.
BTW SevMax..a cuckold is a person who wife betrays him in a monogamous married relationship by having sex with another person outside of marriage, That exactly describes the situation in the first episode of your add-on. The verb describing the wife's betraying infidelity is correctly called cuckolding which is the act by either spouse on the other in having sex outside of marriage,
I was a english and writing professor at a local university for 10 years and spent a lot of time teaching my students to clearly define their key terms in their correspondence as the English language suffers from multiple definitions for most words,. Without properly defining one's terms the probability of miscommunication in written missives runs about 80 percent.. as most of communication is non verbal...and the language just begs for people to misunderstand each other since English is a contextual language at best.
Anyway, have fun...and you are a good writer...even if you tend to proselytize your point of view a little much in your story to the detriment of story flow.
The original story was simply crap with a great deal of fundamental flaws. It was so bad that it tempted a number of authors to try to resolve the cuckold issues left by the author. SevMax writes his add on but redefines the original story substantially in his sequel by transforming Ramone into a cousin and Simon into a Sicilian. This enables SevMax to redirect the flow into a really nice revenge BTB using the legal system as a foil. That makes a very interesting tale particularly with the legal detail and such.
Then the story takes a turn into polyamory la la land...in Chapters 3 and 4 to the point where we readers find ourselves in a amoral universe of strange. If this is not enough, SevMax waxes long and lame on the virtues of anything other than monogamy. You know like all those vid shows that now proselytize and propagandize us into virtual coma's nowadays.
Sometimes one's reach exceeds one's grasp and frankly this story train would have been much better if it stayed at the station after the second episode. In fact I would submit that the third and fourth parts are more or less epic fails that depart from any conceivable linkage to the original story line espoused in the first part.
Ah well.. the first and second episodes are quite good...so I give it a 3 star rating,
Frankly, this is not my usual cup of tea. But I really did enjoy the direction you took. You have a unique writing style and I feel it added to the overall plot. The only issue I had was there were so many characters important to the overall theme that I had to reread it at times to make sure I understood their significance. I also really enjoyed the way you presented the topic of sexuality and gender. And although I do believe in monogamy I do not dislike or fear polyamory and can envision how it would be not only acceptable but beneficial for some. The ending was good but as I read I actually felt that Danielle should have in some way been absorbed by the new family unit. Maybe becoming Michelle's slave, pet or possession in some way. It would have been a fitting end for her to be used by all, possibly chained up as a decoration when not in service. I could see her being treated as an artful conversation piece or being bred like a dog in a puppy mill. In that way she could have earned some sort of redemption for her transgressions. Her mother Betsy should have had to suffer more for raising such a degenerate. All in all a really good submission and I thank you.