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Click hereMom asked me, "What are you going to do now? Do you want to save your marriage, or run off with that guy outside?
"My God mom, I love Jeff, of course I want to save my marriage. I am not running off with Jim. He has a wife and two children. He will never leave them."
"Whether he gets to save his marriage will not be his choice to make, it won't be your choice to save your marriage either. That will be up to your husband. If you still have one. He has had many days to make up his mind. You already have divorce paperwork sitting on your dining room table. What other things has he thought to do? If you really want to keep Jeff you better talk to him soon and give him a good reason to take you back. I wouldn't wait too long. He already has a big head start."
I called Jeff's cell number as soon as mom left. He hadn't answered any of my phone calls and I wasn't sure if he would answer now, I knew I had to try. Surprisingly, he answered on the second ring. There was no anger in his voice and chillingly there was no emotion at all.
"Loren, what do you want?" he asked.
"Jeff we need to talk, will you talk to me?
"Sure Loren, when do you want to do this talking?
"Tomorrow, anytime you can make it.
"OK Lauren, tomorrow at two. Goodbye."
Short and to the point I thought. I did not like the lack of emotion I heard or didn't in his voice. He sounded so cold. It was as if he had made up his mind and was not going to change it. He was going to get the confrontation over with as quickly as possible. If I were wearing boots I would be shaking in them. I realized this would not be easy.
The next afternoon I was looking out the front window when I saw his car pull into the driveway. Instead of coming in the front door he walked around the side of the house to enter thru the rear door. I ran into the kitchen and sat at the table that was set for lunch. Jeff walked thru the door; I think surprised to see me sitting there.
"Hi Jeff, thank you for meeting me today." He nodded his head in reply. He sat at the table, looked at the place setting, and then turned back to me with a questioning look.
"I thought you might be hungry. I have lunch prepared in the fridge if you want to eat."
He shook his head no saying" I have already eaten." and pushed the plate away. He looked at me again, his expression screamed at me; you wanted to talk, so talk.
I began "Jeff I want to tell, no I need to tell you how sorry I am." It looked like Jeff was going to say something in reply but I cut him off. "I know what you are going to say, sorry for getting caught or sorry for cheating." By the look on his face I knew I was correct.
"Yes, I am sorry I was caught, but not for the reason you might think. I am sorry that I ever started... cheating in the first place. The thing that bothers me the most about it is the pain and hurt I see on your face caused by my foolish actions. Knowing that I caused that is tearing me apart inside. Can you forgive me Jeff? Even if you do I don't know if I could ever forgive myself." I waited for Jeff to speak yet he said nothing. I could see pain, anger confusion and even love flash across his face while I waited for a response. When he finally spoke I was surprised at what he said.
"Do you know that when I woke up in the morning I would lay in bed and watch you sleep? Or after I would finish my shower I would sit on the chair next to the bed and watch you?" I knew he did, I caught him a few times. On occasion I would open one eye and say "What?" He would smile and laugh quietly coming to me and giving me a kiss on the forehead.
"You looked so peaceful; lying there, even beautiful, at least to me. I would gaze at your face. Looking at your eyes, every curve of your face, the way your nostrils would flare; the way your mouth would open slightly, as if you were dreaming, maybe about me. Now I think maybe about him. I thought how lucky I was, having you in my life. My guardian angel sent you to me, to give color and brighten my otherwise drab existence. You've taken that away from me. The color and light are gone."
"Now, since Wednesday, when I wake up in the morning I still smile to myself and think how lucky I am to have you, how much love I have for you. Until I roll over to look for you and you are not there. Then I remember. I remember what you did and the pain and hurt returns. That has happened every morning since. The only difference is that every morning I love you a little less and the pain is not as bad."
I realized that my mom was right. I waited too long. Maybe if I got home on Wednesday night I could have talked to him and maybe made a difference. It seems that now I am too late. He has run what happened in his mind and the choice he made is to divorce, the last thing I want.
"Please Jeff, don't make a hasty choice. I know I've been a shit and I don't deserve any consideration but I beg of you give me a chance to make it up to you. Give me a chance to show you I can be the wife you deserve. Please give me a second chance."
I looked at him awaiting his answer; I saw his eyes tear up, then a tear run down his cheek. I reached over to his face and wiped the tear away with my thumb.
"I swore you wouldn't make me cry again, now look at me," he commented sadly.
"Jeff I heard you say on the DVD this was the second time you cried over me. When was the first time?"
"Loren I fell in love with you when you got out of your dads car the first time I laid eyes on you. My best memories are of that summer we spent together. My worst memory is when you deserted me at the harvest dance. You tricked me and dumped me for another guy, just like this time. You left me to be ridiculed by Billy Barber and the rest of the football team. I don't know how many nights I cried at night in my bed where no one could see me. So you see the Monday night was the second time I cried over you. The tear that just fell is, I guess, the third time."
"I'm sorry Jeff. I seem to be saying that a lot today." This will sound foolish to you but it was just sex. Foolish, illicit sex. He's gone and I could care less. I will never see him again and I won't miss him at all. All I need is you by my side."
"I don't know Loren. I saw you do things in public. You went topless for him; you let him put his hands all over you at the pool." What he said next sent shivers through my body. He shook his head sadly and said, "I heard the scream. I know I can't compete with that. I won't compete with another man. I won't compete with the memory of that other man for my wife. If we stay together I will always be competing with his ghost, trying to match your other man. You won't have to compete with anybody. You will never understand unless it happens to you."
Again Jeff sadly shook his head and began to rise from his seat. I thought he was about to leave. I saw my marriage going up in smoke. I don't know what possessed me; I leapt out of my chair knocking it over, ran to Jeff and gave him a bear hug that I would not let go of.
All the while I was babbling "Don't go Jeff. Please don't leave me now. When I saw your letter at the hotel I realized what I was doing. I found out that you and my marriage are what are important. Please forgive me and take me back."
He put his arms loosely around me and gently stroked my hair. After a while he placed his hands on my shoulders and gently moved me back from him so he could look into my eyes as he spoke to me.
'Whenever I thought of us in the future, I saw the two of us together. A house surrounded by a white picket fence, just like in the movies. We would have two sons and a girl like you for me to spoil. She would have me wrapped around her finger, just like her mother did. I saw us planning weddings, celebrating anniversaries and special birthdays. I saw us growing old together, our love supporting us through the hard times. Now I see nothing. I have a big black hole where there used to be love. I see the numbing darkness of a life without you."
He backed away saying "I have to go. I have something to do."
"Don't go we have so much to discuss."
"No, I have to write a thank you letter."
"What letter could be more important then trying to repair our marriage, and who do you need to write a letter to."
"Ronnie Milsap"
"Why? What does he have to do with this?"
"He helped me to dump a cheating wife!"
He turned and walked out the door whistling a tune I later learned was a "Stranger in My House."
Five Years Later
My wife asked me to pull the car around to the front of the house. We were going to my folks for a Memorial Day cook out. I walked out the back door past the newly built ten-car garage to the cliff overlooking the beach below across the long Island sound to the shore of Connecticut. I no longer lived in the rented house in Nassau Shores but in the old town of Muttontown. Turning back to the garage I had to decide what car I wanted to take to my parents' home. My eyes settled on garage number five. I clicked the remote and stood by while the door went up to reveal my newest acquisition. I closed the door, started the engine. I loved the sound of the powerful rebuilt 390 V8 Ford engine. As the car cleared the garage I lowered the convertible top and pulled around to the circular drive in front of the house. I got out and turned to look at the latest object of my affection. A 1961 Ford Thunderbird convertible with gleaming chrome, black paint, interior and roof, god she was beautiful.
My wife opened the door and made a frown.
"The baby and I cannot drive with the top down you have to put it up."
I sighed and told Nina, "Ok I'll put it up but it looks so much cooler with the top down."
"If you ever want me to be in it with my top down again you better put it up now."
My mind went back to that day when I first got the car and we went out driving with the top down and Nina pulled her top down and I quickly hit the button to put it up. Nina smugly smiled; she knew how to use her prodigious sexual power.
I met Nina two months before the divorce to Loren was final. The one thing that Mr. Diamond the bank president agreed on with his ex-wife was their adopted child from Romania. While they hated each other they both loved that little girl. The Diamonds ran a charity to help the plight of Romanian orphans. I knew I was expected to attend the $1000.00 per plate fund-raiser. As I had become a favorite of Mr. Diamond, I was seated at his table next to his wife. There was an empty seat next to me. Before I sat down I looked at the card on the table, it said 'Reserved for I. Kiranova." As I sat down I nodded my hello to Mr. Diamond and placed a small kiss on the cheek of the ex Mrs. Diamond.
I took a second glance at my boss because he had this mischievous smile on his face. It seemed like only seconds before this beauty in black sat down in the seat next to me. Mr. Diamonds face beamed and his smile never faded as he introduced me to Ianina (pronounced Yanina) Kiranova, a Victoria's Secret lingerie model. I later found that Nina was herself a Romanian orphan, and a member of the board that ran the charity.
Nina and I hit it off that night. We talked about our lives. She told me about her horrific life in the Romanian orphanages. I think she had me almost in tears. I wanted to hold her and protect her. She told me later that she could feel the empathy from me and it made her want to find out more about me. She was asked to dance by many of the unattached men at the affair, but she turned them all down. I did not ask her as I thought she did not want to dance. Nina took the matter in her own hands and asked me to dance. I said yes, of course.
We dated for two years before getting married. The wedding was held at Mr. Diamond's estate in Southampton NY. I thought his wife was a little young for him at thirty five to his sixty one, but he always had a smile on his face so what do I know?
We had a great first year when Nina came to me and said she wanted to have a baby. I asked her if she realized having a baby would put her modeling career on hold for a long time. She looked straight in my eyes and informed me that, "The one thing I want most in this world is to have your baby." A big smile crossed her face as she said, "Maybe more than one."
I'm sure a big smile crossed my face and I suggested, "I think we should start trying right away." We both laughed and ran to the bedroom. A year and a half later our son Jeff Jr. was born.
We got in the car after settling Jeff Jr. in the car seat in the rear of the car. The only non-stock part of the T-Bird was the air conditioner I had installed. I knew from experience, once Nina get all dressed up she wants nothing to spoil her hair. She would rather ride in one hundred degree heat then get one hair out of place. Getting the AC installed would make it more pleasurable for the both of us.
As we walked into my dad's back yard where he was barbecuing burgers and dogs I was shocked to see Loren and her mom Cheryl sitting at the table talking to my mom. Nina was carrying Jeff Jr. and walked to the table and sat down. Mom quickly took her favorite and only grandson from Nina. I went to dad and asked, "What the Hell are they doing here?"
My dad said, "Keep your voice down. Your mom invited them. She and Cheryl have become close since Frank died. Loren was all alone so your mother invited her also. You know she had a hard time getting rid of that asshole Billy Barber after you two got divorced."
I knew she married Billy after I met Nina. I didn't think she was that stupid. Well she did cheat on me with the asshole Beckman. I thought for sure that he would have gotten divorced. Instead his wife took him back. She did have two kids to worry about. That must make a difference.
For a long time I hired a PI to keep track of him. Every time he got near getting a good job I had the word put out that he was a bad employee and he lost out. It went on until he or his wife figured out that I must have a hand in his string of bad luck. Jane Beckman called and straight out asked me if Jims bad luck at getting a job had anything to do with payback from me.
Before I could answer she told me that it not only hurt Jim but herself and her two kids. She went on to say that she thought it was horrible what he did to me but don't take it out on her children. I didn't come right out and tell her I was involved but did say that I was sure he would have an easier time getting a job from now on. She thanked me profusely and apologized for him screwing up my marriage. I have no idea what he is doing now as I let the PI go along with all the remaining hate I had for him. Actually it was a big relief to get rid of the baggage I was carrying.
I took my son from Nina and said hello to Loren and Cheryl then walking over to a bench by the rear door to the kitchen. A few moments later Cheryl Schiavo sat down next to me and reached out her arms to hold Jeff Jr. We sat quietly as she played with my eight-month-old son.
Finally she looked at me with tears in her eyes and lamented "He should have been my grandson. I would have made the best grandma, you know that don't you Jeff?"
I looked closely at Cheryl Schiavo. She had aged over the last five years. I knew our divorce had been hard on her. She always liked me and was thrilled when Loren and I had gotten married.
"I know you would have mom. You were a great mom to Loren and I know you would have been the best grandma too."
"Thank you Jeff. I have missed you the last five years. Oh and congratulations on your promotion at the bank. Your dad tells me that you are in the number two position there now."
"Yes, Mr. Diamond finally retired with a little pressure from the Board of Directors. They moved Howard Goldman to the top spot and he took me along with him to the Executive Vice President in charge of Operations. Basically if I keep my nose clean when Howard leaves I should move up to the Presidents position."
"Jeff, Loren wanted to talk to you but was afraid to come over. Can I tell her it's OK?"
"Sure mom." I replied. It's been five years. I am sure we can talk civilly together."
Loren's mom went back to the table and spoke to her. Before she could get up Nina came to me and said
"Be gentle with her Jeff. She is very fragile. Don't upset her." I nodded my
assent. Nina walked away as Loren walked up.
"Hi Jeff, you're looking good."
"Hi Loren, you do too."
"Nina is beautiful Jeff, inside and out, and a good person; I can tell."
"Thank you, I have been lucky to have two beautiful wives."
"That's not true. I may have been attractive outside but inside, not so much."
"That's not true. You are beautiful inside and out. You got blinded by Jim Beckman. I'm sure it was something I did to run you away."
"Now that's really not true. Do you remember what I did at the dance with Billy Barber? What did you do there? No it was me. There's something inside me that screws all the good things up. Something that's not so pretty. Let's change the subject. Mom tells me that you received another promotion at work. I always knew you would rise to the top."
"Well good things have happened to me in the last five years." I looked at Nina and smiled. When I turned back to Loren I saw she looked at Nina also. She turned to me and smiled also.
"Jeff, there is one thing I need to clear up from that time five years ago." I hadn't wanted to go there but she brought it up.
"It was the telephone conversation where I called you Doofus. I want you to know that was the first time I ever called you that. To this day I don't know why I did it. That's not why I brought that day up. It is what I said to Jim about you that day. I told him that you would be president of the bank and about how much money you made. I realized it sounded like I only wanted to be with you for the money. That's not what I meant at all. I knew you would be a success. I was always so proud of you. I just wanted to be there when you accomplished you goal. That's what I wanted to share with you. It was never about the money. Please believe it was not about money."
"When I first heard it I was sure it was about the money. It wasn't until I let Nina hear what you said. She is the one that suggested that I did not have it right. She thought that from the look on your face that you were not putting me down but bragging about me to Jim. It made me feel so much better about you. I think I started to forgive then."
"There is one more thing I need to thank you for."
"What's that?"
"What you did for Jane Beckman. She called me crying about what you had been doing to Jim. She asked me to call you but I told her it would be better coming from her. I gave her your number at the bank. She called to tell me that Jim had finally gotten a job that could support them. She wanted me to thank you for her."
"I'm glad it turned out well. I never thought about her or the children. I am glad it's over."
I stood up and hugged Loren. As we walked to the table Loren was crying happy tears and Nina was beaming happily at me. We sat at the table and had an enjoyable day. On the ride home that night we had the convertible top up but Nina had her top down. It turned out to be another wonderful day.
THE END
- COMMENTS
A good suspenseful and emotional story the whole way.
Would Loren ever get a grip on her heartless destruction of others, or was Jeff the only 'lucky' guy?
Really? A Victoria Secrets Model? Well, maybe for billionaires like Trump, but questionable for just your average corporate multimillionaire.
Still, I liked it and 5 stars.
The story went downhill fast when you switched to Loren's perspective. The whole recap you did with her was a bad idea. The dialogue started to suffer as well; the conversations barely seemed real.
Different than the usual BTB story. Mostly good different. I thought the ending strayed a little too far from a BTB. Jim got off easy overall. Still a good 4.
You need to find a better editor. The one you used missed too much. There was no need to provide a word for word duplicate of what was said when you wrote Loren’s part. Cutting and pasting dialogue to repeat what was said on the previous page is a sign of a weak, immature author. 2 stars because I’m feeling magnanimous.
She would rather ride in one hundred degree heat THEN get one hair out of place.
She would rather ride in one hundred degree heat THAN get one hair out of place.
I CANNOT comprehend how anyone who claims to be a writer can confuse those two words.
I liked the plot and how you handled it, apart from the cut and paste couple of pages in the middle, it wasn’t needed, not a bad story by any means
1) I agree with the writer who said the MC deserved what he got. 101%. Stupid is as stupid does.
2) As to JIm's wife's call, the correct response was "he's your spouse and your problem, NOT mine. What part of he was fucking my wife don't you get? He's lucky he still can walk. The two of you come over, he can get on his knees and apologize to my face, beg my forgiveness, and MAYBE I'll consider it. Until then, I'm sorry to hear your kids are on welfare."
3) Loren WAS all about the money, OBVIOUSLY. "Jim, you make thirty eight thousand dollars a year. You have no prospects of doing better. After Jeff's last promotion, with his year-end bonus he makes almost two hundred grand a year. I like you Jim, the sex is incredible, but you're not that good. Jeff is not bad in that department, so I will really not miss out too much. But someday he is going to be the CEO of that bank and I intend to be there to share it with him. So there will be no divorce."
I have met Ronnie mishap o nol....I'm sure he wouldn't recognize me though.I ever worked w/ one of his classmatea,, he always had a pretty girl on this arm. i saïd,"Dale, why do you always have a good looker all the time... Leave them for gays that - can see!!’~’., he said” its just sympathy!! -,d
Well written but stunning that he would be back with her, let alone marry her after the harvest dance and Billy Barber. Heck she married Billy Barber after their divorce. And there was no choice but to divorce.
This was a well written story. Only one time did the author get the names mixed up. A 5 star story.
This MC is a complete cunt. Marrying this slut when he even knew she was a liar. He deserved it all.
It’s not nearly as well written as “The Gift”. It had many grammar problems along with short, choppy repetitive sentences. Frequently your sentences rhymed or you said]d the same thing in 3 sentences in a row. You need a much better Editor. Keep up the good work. MtM
Redundant for a bit. Too bad he loved her so much that he married her after she trashed him at the dance. Ended well for him.
What' I find most shocking is that he knew what kind of person she was and failed to wait until he'd found proof that she'd changed. Instead he went all in and the consequences are all on him. Seriously doubt that there is a Victoria secrets model that isn't also a scheming whore. So fail on that one too.
Loren had mental issues. If anything it wad the equivalent of a person who does self harm. She can't be content with what she has. Her internal viewpoint supports the fact that whole being stupid, naive and self centered, she is not a narcissist. But as she says at the end, she ha something wrong inside her that makes her blow things up in her life. It is a type of neurosis. Doesn't matter in terms of the marriage. After the dance and the aftermath, she already had a huge strike against her. As soon as Jeff found about her and Jim, it was over. Dead and buried. She didn't have a shot, as it should be. What really doesn't make sense is that she would marry Billy Barber, after her divorce. There is nonway that can work. I am sure we can guess why that marriage failed. That just made no sense. She really needed therapy, not marrying an oaf like Billy. Some people from time to time have this deep seated urge to set themselves on fire. Jeff did the absolutely right thing and moved on after the discovery of her affair with Jim. But not only fid he misinterpret her conversation with Jim about his rising in the bank, which Nina corrected later, but also her screams of passion. It was the illicit nature of the sex. Hardly doubt that Jeff was in any way an inferior lover. But they never got to that part of the conversation because he was just done with her. Surprised she didn't fight for counseling but suspected she knew it was over and she felt too guilty. Not that counseling would have mended the fences but it might have cleared some of the misinterpretations up. Again given what happened with the harvest dance, and honestly who would get past that in the first place, he was still young, and had his whole life ahead of him, but given he forgave her and they moved on together, when she stepped out again, it was a done deal. Kaput. Nada. Zilch.
Weird story. Why he got back together with her after the dance fiasco is odd. Also the fact that she married Billie after the divorce is strange. She was seriously self centered and damaged goods inside.
I did not have much use for the MC. Loren screwed him over earlier, so he was pretty naive to think she would not do so again.
Overall good but too long, as in page 4 was a wasted repeat of previous information. Also, Jeff wore a Yankee's hat, not Mets. Since Jeff was so rich he could have sent Jim's wife a check for 25 or 50K
You need a proofreader. You mess up.bames repeatedly, Jeff/Jmm, Beckman/Beckwith, you can't even keep the baseball cap right. Four stars for a very flawed manuscript. The repetition of pages of text from Loren's POV was maddening. The four stars is a gift, a rounding up from 3.5.
Good story and plot you held close too.
I thought it way too long though...
You noted clearly in the latter half of the story, when Loren's point of view, (POV), started. Thank you!
You maybe don't realize author, how many writers here, just switch POV with no warning at all. That makes stories damned hard to read and figure-out who's doing, or saying what now, and why.
I had two problems with your writing in this story, I will simply point-out, for you to think about. This, while writing and then editing and proofing your next story, before posting it here.
One, towards the last half, and through the last half of this story, you wrote Jim's name many times, when you clearly were writing about Jeff, or Loren thinking or talking about Jeff.
I even caught a couple times, you wrote Jeff's name, when you were clearly meaning to write about Jim.
Makes us have to stop reading and go back and figure-out who you really meant. That interrupts us readers story flow, as we read...
Two, when you switched POV to give Loren's part of this story, you didn't have to repeat whole paragraphs and pages of exact verbiage in what was said, or written in the story from Jeff's POV.
That just caused us story readers useless repetition of the same story plot, same dialogue, we'd already just read through, for pages in length!
It also added 2-3 pages onto the length of this story, which is why, by the last half of the story, it was already way too long!
Still, this was a good story plot and premise! Outside of the above problems I've set out, IMO, this is a good story!
It was well worth the effort reading through all the redundant dialogue, to make it to the final end pages and see how the story ended.
So, I went ahead and gave the story 5 stars anyway.
Hopefully, that might somehow encourage you to keep honing your skills and keep on writing and posting stories here!
Thank you for your effort author! I liked this story plot!
3 stars. On one hand, it's a decent LW, with the main hero getting a seemingly good wife and his own kids in the end.
On the other hand, I'm dociking 2 stars from what could have been a 5 star story for the following:
1. What kind of a mentally defective idiot would marry someone who ALREADY cheated on him and treated like him? This made him far less sympathetic, and the story less enjoyable.
2. The whole being nice to the asshole's wife and letting the ass get a job. He should have explained to her it was HER fault for deciding to stay with the cheating bastard; with him having zero punishment for what he's done. Yeah, sucks that her kids don't have a high earning hubby. Hell, as C-suit executive, he could have offered to pay her to divorce the ass and burn him in divorce, without any negative impact to the kids.
3. The way he handled his hoe of an ex-wife. He clearly hate to give her a TON in a divorce (NY laws). So, the only normal way for him to do this would have been to show her the evidence, start the timer, and tell her to sign VERY VERY punishing divorce settlement (vetted in advance by his lawyer, to be able to pass the court); with a threat that if she doesn't sign, all the videos and pictures with his commentary go to her parents, family, friends, and work and future fiances. Same if she fights the settlement later. Instead, he was a stupid wuss and let her win from her cheating by getting a ton of money in a divorce despite not contributing to household.
A lot of writers/commenters on here seem to think reconciliation is the only form of a happy ending and this is an example of how it could end up without one. Well done
He section where Loren rehash’s the whole story is redundant and doesn’t add any new informational. I would have enjoyed it more and scored it higher without it.
Overall it is well written but the storyline is threadbare.
Jim was lucky his wife loved his children as much as she did, or his ass would have been grass. Whether she loves him or not really doesn't matter. If she does, then he is the luckiest of men to have been given a second chance. There will not be a third.
Loren burned her second chance, because she never remembered what she did did him that night at the dance, and that she was already well into her second chance when she cheated on Jeff with Jim.
The second he found out, she was done.
Mighty white of him to sit with this cheating cunt at aby time at all. After she's returned from Florida why bother coming to the house? No matter what she has to say, it won't change the actions she took there and fir six months prior. 5 years later at the family dinner, his comment to his father was spot on. "What the hell are they doing here?" perfectly summed up a reasonable reaction. Nothing she had to say to him changes a thing in his existence and therefore is useless to pursue or entertain. She has shown what she is. Excise her and move on.
What a joke…who spends days watching his wife cheat on and lie to him? Totally unbelievable.
1st, Lauren dumps him at that dance, & he takes her back? That much of a wimp or that desparate?
2nd. Despite her claims of being sorry, she cheated & thereby disrespected him, called him names... because she wanted to. And perhaps she just thought of him like that internally. She's just sorry that she got caught. Her saying that the dealings when checking out woke her up is garbage.
3rd. Earlier in the story, she says that she started cheating because she's bored. Did she think of getting a PT job, volunteering a bit or something similar? I suppose that would've been too much.
4th. Wanting to speak to Jim, hoping for a reconciliation. She already had one, some time after the dance. At that time, there shouldn't have been one at all. She showed her morals & ethics right then.
5th. It WAS good that he stopped his actions robbing the guy of a job. Shows him & his family more consideration than he, Jim, was served. But he seems weak, taking directions from all the females. I'm not sure if, after what she did to cause the divorce, I'd agree to talk to Lauren again. Just tell her mother that her actions seemed to say all that's needed. Well, maybe down the road when I healed a bit.
Last. However, the story was much too long, mainly too much into the school days. 6 pages for this story isn't called for. It was well written, & taking that into consideration with the above, I really can't say I like this story, so 3 stars it is. Bob
First time through I believe I scored this story too low because I was looking for a reconciliation. I was more generous this time. I see what you were attempting in providing Loren's side but I think you came up short. It would have been better (IMHO) to have filled in more of Loren's internal dialogue. Also, providing Loren a voice holds out the hope for a recon.
I believe you have the skill to have pulled the recon off. Perhaps it just wasn't there from your muse.
How the #!*(&* did a man stupid enough to marry Loren after she'd shown her lack of character beyond any doubt get into, much less graduate from, Wharton? Anybody stupid enough to marry that girl has fully earned his unhappy marriage.
Well written but the MC has "walk all over me" written across his forehead, or at least you'd think so by the way he acts and follows the females instructions/hints.
There are hundreds of authors here some of them posting hundreds of submissions each, 99% of their efforts are crap. This author wrote two stories and stopped, but those two were a couple of the best ones out there.
Shame we don’t have more.
The problem I have with this story is a 61 t bird looks awful with the top up or down.
just double dumb, gave her two chances to gut hum. Surprised he did not make it two. Once a slut always a slut....
Once a wimp; always a wimp.
Very good story but what gets me with all the stories like this is that he didn't confront her as soon as he had proof that she was cheating. Authors never find a way to be true to reality when these events occur. No husband is going to sit back and wait for more proof of an affair why would you? As soon as you have proof you use it and maybe fight to keep your wife. You wouldn't let her go off on a trip with her lover knowing what she was going to do the pain would just be too much to bear. Just wouldn't happen. But then of course there wouldn't be a story would there?
These type of stories rely on ignoring reality it's like the movie where the women knowing there's a serial killer on the lose and goes into a room where she hears a strange noise coming from but doesn't turn the light on when she goes into the room even though it's night time and dark. No one would do that.
So although it's a good well written story it gets marked down for ignoring reality.
I dont think everything had to be repeated from Lauren's point of view. The story lost rhythm and the energy was diffused. Also, I dont get how the writer had to have Jeff questioning himself as to whether he should leave the slot or not. So many stories agonizingly question "can I forgive her, why?" Who gives a fuck? Not the reader. Not me. Weakens the story to no good purpose.
I would have left her at the Dance .. Let her explain that to her Mom . I was on the football team in High School and played linebacker .I got into a few fights but I won More then I lost .
After watching the scene on the hotel balcony I knew my marriage was over. .. yet he already knew she was cheating for 6 months?
I think the whole Loren part of the story telling could have been cut down to just reveal new information, not tell the whole story we know over again.
Ditto on the Loren POV. You write so well that the facts were firmly established the first time around. Good stuff. Bet you've got another story in there. I'd sure like to read it.
LWlurker
It was a nice story. The whole POV switch to Loren was bogus, dude. It added nothing but a rehash. Story would have been much crisper without that. Write another story, please. Randi.
Another author who sabotages a fine story at the very end. That last conversation between Jeff and Loren was total BS. She did indeed betray Jeff on two occasions with forethought and malice. Both were premeditated and conscious acts of treachery. She absolutely indicated to Jim that she was staying with Doofus because of his money.
A lackluster attempt at revisionist history is a terrible way to end a story.
Ok. He ended up good at the end, but there was no reason to give the ex wife any forgiveness. The most I would have done, is to say I am now very happy, and have moved on. The bitch did not deserve any closure! 3 stars
Sorry, this one was just stupid. He had all the evidence that he needed with the first recording.
Jeff winding up with a Victoria's Secret model was just too much wish-fulfillment fantasy. Until then it was a pretty good story.
Read it again and the fact remains that Jeff is weak. He's just a wimp for letting Loren back in after her first betrayal, a wimp for not burning that asswipe into the ground, and for letting his parents basically bully him into having anything to do with Loren.
Great story, great singer. Very enjoyable story with happy ending after gentle BTB. Wish this guy had written a few more stories.
Just once, I'd like to read a story where the wife takes it.
Dude might just be a hopeless romantic, to put it charitably. No other reason he'd take a person who deceitfully manipulated him in publicly humiliating fashion, and then put her on a pedestal. Small wonder she thought she could cheat on him with impunity.
I met mr Milsap many y are ago in Asheville Ncesc. One of his classmates the school for the bilind also became a very successful do and even wrote some beach music hits some of his music was recorded by other stars . This stoy was 99.4% pure entertainment.
He turned out to be a pussy in the end. He might as well sucked her boyfriend off!
Good story. Starsong1977 was right about not needing the Loren section, but all in all enjoyable story.
I don't know why i said this was good, it is 4 pages too long. The whole "Loren" section was a complete waste of time. The husband was present so we already know the events.
..... on the side of Wrath, two things were missing; details on scorched earth on the ex, if he could screw with the bastard, why not the ex ? Second the mother in law, after viewing the dvd, should of Bitch Slapped her daughter and state “Where did I go wrong”?
The Sheep will says “Don’t go to their level or turn the other cheek.”.
The correct response “What the going rate on broken heart and spirit, over the course of time”?
Followed by “When you walk in these shoes, then you may speak”!!!!
Great read!. Another cheating wife that can't resist the bad boy losers...talk about self destructive behavior....They always think that they can talk or screw their way out of any problem. Short of having a time machine and going back in time and slapping yourself silly so you don't have the affair in the first place you're not going to get the guy to forgive and forget unless he's into the whole slut wife scene in the first place.
Treated like wimp acted like wimp don't that make him a wimp
Later same thing and even admits to twice
And he finds better and forgiveness?
Sweetness level is putting me in diabetic coma
I too wish he kept writing as he showed promise but this story needed work. The other one was far better
Page one - what is it with these emotional cucks who refuses to say a bad word about the whore? why not let everyone know exactly what kind of bitch she was
Page two - Shoulda said "Loren Im sorry you were a liar and a cheat, but if I dont apologize to you now your friend is going to withhold sex from her husband becuase apparently you cheating on me is less of an issue for her than my not wanting to talk to you"
but what kind of brain dead moron get involved with a known cheat? I dont feel sorry for morons
"I need to get proof of her infidelity" again not sorry for morons - you dont need proof for shit no court cares
I can understand a man not wanting to go to the effort to burn a bitch
I cant understand why the fuck these men work so hard to make sure no one is ever mean to the cheating cunt
To bad you stopped writing. You have talent. I gave you a rare 5
Best wishes
He was a total Dumdass! Fly to the same hotel the cheaters are at, dumb! Not hiring professional private investigators, really Dumb! Not hiring a lawyer to advise you, Dumb! He's mostly a wimp, and not very likeable.
He wasn't weak. He wanted to make sure and he did. Then he left her. It was his only choice. The betrayal ran too deep. I do like a happy ending and he was a big enough man not to add to her pain. Good story! But, what a bitch!!!
When you make comments of your husband to your lover like dufas, it's you and your lover disrespecting him. When you tell your lover the reason for not leaving him is cause of salary and the lovers lack, shows you to be a gold digger. Hell your lover wouldn't like comment, and your lack of sensitivity makes you a bitch.
The patented LW weak/cuck husband cliche is so overused and toxic that the "He lived happily ever after" ending is just rendered ridiculous. Formulaic, cliche-ridden. It's not redeemed by being well written technically.
Blech. Not all divorces have to end with everybody holding hands and singing kumbaya, and she most certainly was talking about the money when she had the doofus chat. Go back and read it.
How many times
Tears good grief man up
Money he spent work missed hired a PI got it done better wouldn't have to watch and cry