All Comments on 'The Third Time's the Charm'
by StangStar06
- 242 Comments (Page 2)
It's great that it all worked out for him. Would love to see what happened with Shannon, did she give him children of his own? Brenda was a submissive, no two ways about it. Shannon should have realized it and convinced Dale to get her therapy way before this all blew up. Regardless, it was a big slap in the face to invite Brenda to the wedding and not acknowledge her as mother of the bride. One thing though, Dale was not a cuck. As soon as he saw what was going on he threw her out. He tried to get back with her because the heart wants what the heart wants. That said she just didn't know how to keep her legs closed, after years of abuse which she never got treated for she was a slut. She was as much a victim here as Dale. That is not to say he should have put up with it, not in any sense of the matter, but either he or she should have put her with a shrink at some point. There had to be some sort of signs thateveryone missed. And sShannon was a bit evil, her mother suffers a stroke and doesn't recognize her and she thinks it's a hoot. That is just heartless. And the other two should have stayed in contact somewhat, she did raise them after all. Yes Dale deserves the Lions share but to cut her off like that is tragic. Oh well.
"No one can drag a story out like you. And they are all the same"
And yet you have apparently read all 150+ of them!
You put a lot of work into that, huh? Paragraph thirteen. Was it an F150 Ford or a Dodge 1500 Ram? Andy was married to Mindy? WTF? Proof reader missed that one. I think, being so long, the story could have gone to novella. Wouldn't have been read as much however. Oh, well, it is what it is. Cheers!
i just have to say i loved your story i read it all the way through and it kept me entertained all the way around. just shocks me about brenda if you truely loved the man you would have made things right hell she had her second chance and blew it there are never any second chances in life and she had hers and she blew it she should of waited for dale to be ready to take her back but instead continued to fuck guys and then of corse lied about. shannon i loved shannon she is my favorite and honsetly i was thinking her and dale would get together or something but wow just amazeing
where is the resolution?
where is the justice?
and with these people,
who the f^ck cares?
not even the rumble of a V8 can make this pile of sh!t into a viable story!
.
do you get the feeling that I didn't like this story?
GOOD!
-
Enjoyable. I didn't mind the length of the story because the author is such a fine writer. I do have a problem with the stupidity of this wife. She makes the women on Jerry Springer seem intelligent. I have a real hard time believing there are women like this out in the real world. She appears to have big time mental problems. The way she treats her children and her husband. The story would have been more realistic if she had a reason for being a big time cheater.
I liked the spunk of the youngest daughter, but I was a little uncomfortable with her closeness with her step-father, she almost crossed the line.
The husband was almost too good while the wife was almost too evil.
I like SS06 writing alot but this story has kinda turned me off to the point that I am going to take a sabbatical and I know that it was written long ago. I am appalled that I invested so much time and energy in Dale, who deserved everything he got from Brenda because he is so effing stupid and unaware. The stroke was too good for Brenda. She was a total waste of oxygen from the first and her brain after the stroke obviously worked just as well as it did when she was betraying Dale over and over again.
Shannon and the grandkids are the only redeeming characters in the whole piece. The rest are just cardboard cutouts incapable of independent thought.
Other than that, the story was okay.
I usually look for your stories but I must admit, I gave up on this one. It should have been all over on page 2 with a bullet for both the adulterers but who cares - not me for this one.
Phew, it took some time to read 24 pages which could have been condense down a fair bit IMO.
some of the characters wete a little annoying like Brenda who eas just stupid and native Dale.
I wonder if these two characters are based on teal life people, if so they both need a slap,....ha, ja
Apart from that a very Pleasant read by SS6.
So you planning on writing that other story? Lol that is something I would have to see to believe. A wife allows his grown stepdaughter into their bed?
I place the enjoyment of reading this story in the top five of what I have read so far going down your page. I thought it got a little draggy in p laces but it was a really good story for me. I had hoped early on that Andy would get his balls stomped but it never happened. Brenda was a organic personality and just slid into psychosis, she is probably more happy in her life now as she ever was before. Yes, naysayers, I realize that is just a story. You know a good story gets the reader involved.
Out of all the characters, I believe the most damaged and twisted is Shannon. All the years of witnessing her mother's abuse and whoring ways really screwed her head up badly. I enjoyed the story very much until the very last paragraph. That left me with a sick feeling.
Liked it a lot. Now the sequal for another time you mentioned should be written.
Stang - Since this is the first time I'm commenting on one of your stories, I thought I'd let you know upfront that I'm generally a big fan of your writing. Having said that I had a major issue with this story, which is why it didn't get me the way most of your stories do. No, it's not the length. Brenda has obvious issues. She's basically a slut resulting from very low self-esteem. For some reason, it's never explained why, Dale falls head over heels in love. But through their entire marriage he never notices her issues. Her life is a tragedy and instead of her husband and daughter getting her the help she needs, they treat her like a pariah. Don't get me wrong, I'm a pretty big BTB fan, but IMHO there was no "B" here. Just a really sad woman, with self-destructive tendencies who needed significant counseling and assistance from her supposedly loving husband, but never got it. I'm not condoning or even accepting her cheating, but when her issues are finally discovered by clueless Dale, he abandons her. She broke her vows, but so did he. The "in sickness and health" part.
Keep up the otherwise great work!
that you and some other authors write about.
Before I married my wife, we'd had numerous conversations which involved our definitions of cheating. Not necessarily making a conversation slated towards that, just that it included it. There was no way either of us could ever say we didn't know the other's expectations.
And yet here you have Brenda who had been married for twelve (?) years and she apparently doesn't understand that about her husband...?
I ask because how can she NOT know he thinks all of these strange fucks are cheating...? No way she doesn't know that - or why hide them - and yet she's not wracked with guilt over them... it doesn't eat her alive to know what she's doing is wrong and would be awful for the man she "loves"...
Towards the end you make it sound like she realized that since Andy cheated on her that she had to cheat on Dale... really...? Really...? Come on, REALLY...?
One bad relationship and we're to believe that shapes her entire psyche - or deforms rather... If we're to believe that she mimicked Andy because she now believed that's the way all relationships worked... Why didn't she try to beat on Dale too...? Isn't THAT how all relationships work too...? Or walk out on him for extended periods of time...?
But no, it's only the sex part that she makes part of her personality.
You can't now argue she was always a slut... you've told us Andy was her first and not until AFTER she was eighteen...
Maybe you should admit that at times you have no clue what motivates your characters - which unfortunately for an author is not such a great thing.
By the way, I should point out I generally enjoy your writing... it's just when you try to delude me with crap that I want to beat you with a wet noodle...
When is the story going to be finished from the last part of Shannon 's actions?
Except for that little curve ball at the end it was a rather enjoyable story. I feel slightly bad for Brenda she was a little more whacked than the average Stangstar wife.
Sigh. Good read until the epilogue.
Why ruin a good story with an epilogue that changes your characters?
Really annoying.
That being said, if Dale truly loved Brenda then after the first time that he got back together with her they needed to do at minimum three things. First was to get her tested for any STD's. Her behavior sounds a lot like late stage syphilis. Second was to get her out of Lauren's apartment and home where she could be watched while undergoing intensive psychotherapy as well as a good restraining order against Andy so he doesn't screw her up anymore. Third would be to have surveillance cameras to make sure that Andy did not see her again during said therapy. I am a BTB guy for the most part, but these actions while extreme are needed as he should not have any trust in her promises anymore. For the most part, he should have stayed away from her since he got the divorce, but since he didn't he was a glutton for punishment otherwise. Brenda simply could not be trusted, as someone once said she was two sandwiches short of a toolbox. If this is how she loved him, I would hate to see how she hated him. He should not have taken up with her again. At least not without those measures in place. And that would be unreasonable on him for then he wasn't her husband but her jailer. She had zero self control, and basically instead of the Midas touch, she had the exact opposite by turning everything she touched into shit.
14 pages??? SS could have cut it to 4 pages and it would still have been enough. Seems to me that every one in the story was a glutton for punishment except for Shannon, she at least tried to make the others look to the obvious, the rest kept going back and forth, over and over the same shit ad nauseum. You have done lots better than this one SS, you've disappointed me.
Seems like the length of the story has exceeded the author's grasp, it wouldn't surprise me if it was the worst proofread of all his stories. There were words mashed together without spacing all over the place, missing words and other typical errors that go hand in hand with sloppiness.
Don't marry a woman with such a significant amount of baggage.
Maybe you could marry her if she had just 1 kid. But 3 of her own from the start??
And then you have none of your own blood even after so long a marriage?
It just speaks of bad decisions on the woman's part.
Even if she was a widow, unless she had planned her life properly, no one should have so many kids until they are financially comfortable. And have made arrangements for the future of their family.
You have got to write a sequel explaining the three way relationship of Shannon, Maggie, and Dale. It is simply cruel to throw that in at the end and just let it lie there.
and it is. It is a bit long though, just in covering the transportation that went on. The characters were pretty clear, or transparent. Do I think that they should have stayed together, no. Why, because they never addressed the problem from the beginning, in that after the first time caught, they should have realized that she needed help. The kids knew it, but hubby didn't even address it, or try to fix things, so that getting caught the second time was inevitable. Did he still love her, I guarantee it, but not the same way. I felt sorry for him in a way, but not overly so. What the real shame was, that Brenda probably could have lived happily ever after, with a loving husband, if she had received the proper treatment after the first time she was caught. All through the story, Brenda was conflicted, and torn. she knew what she was doing was wrong, but in her own words, she couldn't help herself. This really is a story of tragedy, for her. I really felt sorry for Brenda, not that everyone else lived happily ever after, but they had all that experience in their lives that they would never be able to get rid of.
This story was great until you killed it with the final sentence and what it was hinting at.
I agree, it was a really good story, even if a little much to have to send Brenda crazy in the end, until that last sentence. Yes, we know she's his stepdaughter, but it took the whole thing in a direction it just didn't need to go.
A long story but worth it.Brenda has a lot of emotional problems from the get go.
Didn't see that ending and didn't expect it. Your ending didn't really fit the story as-far-as I'm concerned!
that needs culling the first time cheated as you usually do --- as said before the last line killed it for me as i have stepkids--that was sick ss06 unlike most of your stories that usually get a 5 --this gets a 3
But other than that it was a real piece of shit. Talk about beating a dead horse, you must have added 3 or 4 extra pages by just restating the same concepts and retelling the same stories from all the characters' perspectives. Are you getting paid by the word? Psychotic cheating woman, clueless wimpy husband, even for the second wife. Just obnoxious and repugnant. And stupid, did I say stupid?
When you mentioned the story had a Sci-Fi element, I bailed. Immediately. Don't get me wrong, I love sci-fi. But it doesn't belong in the loving wives section, at least in my opinion. I say, if you want to write sci-fi, please take it to the fantasy section.
should check and recheck all the fine print and possessions, TK U MLJ LV NV
except for the stupid wimpy male. I liked Shannon better than Dale.
Something was very wrong about the way you wrote Dale. I mean how stupid a man can be?
I really enjoyed reading this. I am theme reading right now - cheating/revenge and cane across this. I enjoyed the character building as well as the storyline and would love to read more by what I think is a talented writer. Sure there were some mistakes, but they didn’t detract much.
As in all great tragedies, the hero or heroine comes to grief, not by the events that challenge them, but by the way in which the flaws in their character shape their response to these event.
Brenda is a truly tragic figure. A woman of such low self esteem that she can't believe anyone could truly love her, a woman who can only justify her worth by the number of dicks that men put inside her, a woman so lost in her own capacity for self-delusion that she can barely distinguish between fantasy and reality, cunning and stupidity, using and being used.
Dale may appear at first to be the hero - but story isn't really about him. He is the ballast, the anchor, an island at the centre of a whirlpool of continually evolving characters and events. He doesn't really grow or initiate the momentum of the story, he remains a constant - a whetstone - a focal point for the actions and evolution of the other characters.
The end is as inevitable as it tragic. Brenda sinks deeper and deeper into her own delusional world until her entire grasp on reality has disappeared, and, by some strange, ironic twist, gradually replaces Dale as the immovable island around which the other characters begin to evolve.
A brilliantly written tale of betrayal and consequence that manages to balance compassion, irony, humour and suspense with a skillful and subtle insight into the human frailties that (to varying degrees) lurk within us all.
LA
You captured the essence of a twisted mind. I work with dimwits like that everyday. Each character I could relate to. Great job.
No, No, No !!! Dang you! Dang you! Dang you! I had a terrible feeling that you were going to really screw up the ending and I hated making myself read to the end, but I did, and now I'll feel bad about this for a long time. What kind of perverted thrill do you get out of all the pain and anguish you put us through the way you ended the story. SHAME ON YOU!!! You could have made a happy ending but you chose not to. Dang you!
I just couldn't get past this part: "I just looked at him in shock. I wondered how I could have ever risked losing Dale over an asshole like him. The problem was that when it came to Andy, my body just took over. There was something about him that just overwhelmed me. My mind and my heart knew that Dale was a better man and he loved both me and my kids far more than Andy was capable of. But when Andy and I got together, something just happened."
REALLY????!!!!! After having Dale in her life as long as she did then letting Andy continually come back into her life with that comment above, this VERY LONG-WINDED TALE is just plain disgusting!
The cheating wife gets to live in a fantasy world
The two kids have families and careers
and the hero of the story has a hot bi sexual wife and they tag team his daughter
How is that not a happy ending?
I never would have guessed that Stang would turn one of his heroes into Woody Allen. Yuck!
It was a good story until the very end. Everyone got what they had coming to them. Then the real tragedy of the story. Shannon moved into our room. That killed the hours I spent reading this story.
A pretty good story. But I gotta say, that StangStar can dream up some pretty good characters. A lying, cheating, conniving whore who’s morals make Jack the Ripper seem like an alter boy. And a brilliant engineer who is as dumb as a box of fucking rocks when it comes to “real world” situations. Interesting mix though. And I did like the story, even though I thought it was about six pages too long.
Really enjoyed this story had some ups and downs, with sections that where not as good as your usual offerings but a part 2 would be great.
Good story and good plot all the way through but to end it on his daughter sleeping with him was just a good way to ruin an otherwise great story.
Great ending!
Shannon adored Dale, so it was nice they got to be together in the end. Dale never got to have biological children of his own, which was a tragedy as he was a great Dad. Maggie was too old, but Shannon would have been desperate to have his children... I'd be surprised if she didn't have at least three kids with him.
Go back and read the story just a mite slower and you'll notice that Shannon is NOT actually his daughter. From the time she was a little girl and all through the story they had a special relationship that everyone noticed and that her mother resented. She was her stepfather's wife long before he married her mother. She just wasn't old enough and he wasn't ready to think of her as his woman. When she was old enough, she picked guys she could use as fill-ins to have her pussy punched and replaced them when she was in need of another good fucking. She stayed with Dale and Maggie until he was ready to give her what she always wanted and then the story you were reading ended.
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
I picked up a fair number of birds with broken wings, but on my best or worst days I never brought home one as traumatized as Brenda. Even I would have figured out she couldn't be healed after the finding her with Andy the first time. The only character in the whole story that I really liked was Shannon, everyone else was either too angelic, blind, despicable or simply too stupid. Now, the ending... I guess that was inevitable, so I'm still waiting for "...but, that's another story. Signed: BTW
I agree most of the Characters acted Dumber than Dirt .. And I am sorry for giving Dirt a Bad Name .Except for Shannon But She should have told her Daddy .
Interesting ending but somewhat bizarre even if dad and daughter are not biologically linked. And making Maggie share her husband? Sounds like the people that think a monogamous relationship is sacred just threw that out the window in the end. The relationship between the three should have been explored more deeply before giving the reader such a shocking ending. It cheapened the characters and therefore cheapened the story as a whole. What was a 5 became a 3 with one stroke of the pen.
Bio Dad should be castrated. Bio mom should have her mouth and it sewn shut
Brilliant piece. Very sad in the end. Keep writing and I'll keep reading.
I agree with the Anon of 03/08/20 except that for me the ending reduced a 5 star story to a 2, close to a 1.
The writer has completely turned the values the characters had on their heads and had them doing something totally inconsistent with who they are and what they stood for. It is bizarre.
Good story overall, bit too long for my liking but stuck it out and was happy with the ending.
Keep up the good work :)
Went on too long. Brenda obviously needed therapy to address her self esteem issues. She allows herself to be used by her ex-husband and no one in the entire family even consider that there might be something wrong with Brenda psychologically? Kind of a stretch.
Dale is such a clueless schmuck that by all rights he should have been swindled out of all his assets and ended up jerking off to photos of Mustangs. But since he's got plot armor, of course things turn out great and he ends up banging his new wife and stepdaughter together. Sounds like a parody plot, but it's played straight. Funny stuff.
I want to read the story.
But this one is twice as long as was needed.
A great story. I really enjoyed your writings. Love to see u continue the story with Shannon and Dale.
I have been reading a number of your stories and found that you are one terrific writer.
I had to stay with this story just to see how it ended. It really held my interests.
with respect
DG Hear
TOTALLY PATHETIC, AND SO IS DGHEAR FOR PRAISING THIS CRAP!
YOU HAVE COMPLETELY RUINED ANY DEGREE OF RESPECT I EVER HAD FOR YOU.
I QUIT READING ON PAGE SEVEN...
Jesus what a twisting tale, but really so good except for the ending where Shannon moves into there bedroom. That just dropped a star for me.
The funniest part of stories like this is these scenarios might as well be set in Narnia they are such fantasy. Isn't it interesting how ALL of these types of stories have perfect husbands, who are always sexually amazing, have great bodies for their age and the kids love them more than the wife? I want pictures and transcripts from reality. You know it's bullshit. I am not saying the men cheated first but these situations are never as one sided.
Loved it and would love to read even a flash follow up with Dale, Maggie, and Shannon.
Long story but worth each and every word. I think that you have a great sense of story telling and I've just enjoyed the hell out of yet another of your tales.
Like some of the other stories. TOO much is spent of the cheating wife's story. Drags the whole story down in the gutter.
A three way with step parents? This one goes beyond normal levels of creativity. For its length. I caught very few mistakes. Cool read. Rated it 5.
It was a 4 or 5 until that last line…..blood or not, an ongoing parent-child relationship should not ever turn sexual.
First time through I thought it wasnt too bad. But this time I realized how it dragged.....really dragged.
Even at that it got so damned cliched, which if those were cut out this would have been whittled it down to 9 pages.
Honestly would have been better if she was more like a real person instead of a blow up doll with the ability to talk.
The emotional impact would have been far greater for the reader if it were just Andy she was cheating with.
Speaking of Andy...you nailed 90% of the southern Republican boyz below the Mason Dixon line, talking like a tough Alpha male, while being a worthless limp dick of an Omega male. If that was your goal...good on ya, if not you ust know way more of them pantie wearing skits than you realize.
Wow, was this ever a flaming pile of poo. Easily this author's worst, I had no idea he could produce this level of crap. Also, at least ten pages too long. The Mc had to be one of the most complete idiots ever put on paper. Compared to some of this writer other work must have been on drugs when typing this. Just ridiculously bad and will force me to study muc
Drgwng, i see you dont write anything here but comments, no stories or poems. Perhaps youre not the finest of judges of literary art. The story type wasnt really my favorite but it was well written, it moved well and was creative. Pernaps a bit more proof reading, but it showed skill that i dont have because ive never written a story or poem here ether, but i see quality in things that i can't produce myself, and to me the story line isnt all that important. Whats wrong with constructive comments? R. Bachman.
After reading the first page can you all say = WHITE FUCKING TRASH? lol. Dam
Shannon loved Dale so much that she became his "mini-me," following his lead in car, collage and career. He was clearly her male parental figure and that role has great influence over how the child views self, others and the world at large. Very few things could be more destructive than to insert sexual activity into a young woman's relationship with her Dad. Shannon will make Brenda look like a paragon of mental health once the toxicity of Dale and Maggie fucking her takes hold.
I just couldn’t keep reading, slowed to a stop on page 9. The same crap from the woman and Andy, over and over and over.
I was with you 100% until Shannon moved into the master bedroom. Nicely done and creative. You should have given Maggie a nice Bentley or something like that.
Was right up with you until the last sentence. Think it would have been better if Shannon finally left the nest once mom had her stroke. Kind of surprised Dale did not "warn" Brenda about his marriage and introduce Maggie to Brenda prior to the marriage ceremony. Was clear that Brenda had some serious deficiencies and was in need of some major counseling. Dale was clearly a saint.
mfj
Let you into a little secret, you’re all wasting your time posting comments here, Stang hasn’t posted on this site for five years he last modified his profile seven years ago. He ain’t listening anymore.
He’s on another site now (we all know where) and there’s another thirty odd stories since he left here, though he’s not posted anything for over a year on that site either.
Brenda could be a star on Dr. Phil or Jerry Springer. Sort of can't believe I read the whole thing.
I gave this Story 4 Stars . I still cannot believe that Shannon is living with her Dad and his wife .
The stuff with Dale and Maggie and his daughter Brenda (who cares about the sperm donor) is execrable.