Bee Bop 01

Bee Bop 01

"Bee Bop, I think it's all good news (until I get to the end). First, my family's home improvement crew will sign a contract with you. I mean, it took the quote guy a minute to figure out your design visions when you said "make my garage look like that TV commercial" that airs on TV3, but then he watched TV3 and then he got everything all figured out."

"Cool, so is this where I bite my lips over fear of hearing the final quote because of the design costs will be more than the material costs, Paul?"

"Nope, not really. It turns out that we refinished that garage just for the TV commercial shoot, so we have the designs plans and we just need to adjust this and that to tailor it your garage dimensions. I mean, it's just drywall over the wall studs and a few other things, so."

I'm sure you folks would agree with me that this mostly sounds like good news, right?

"But we do have a few other suggestions, like the replacing your idea of "dainty string lighting" from the "brunette's bedroom in the evil spirit Ouija" movie. We recommend sticking with standard overhead lighting for normal use, but Kevin has a pretty good idea for LED rope lighting for accent lighting. And the rope lights are pretty inexpensive these days, so."

Well, I suppose the "up sell" talk is just a normal part of the home improvement business, right?

"And I can honestly say that your acceptance of adding a rear entry door is smart of you. I mean, the crew is working with bare wall stud bones, so this is the time to do that and the layout of your backyard really supports a rear door. If you remember Bee Bop, this is where you giggled when our quote guy was explaining to you how Jack the jack stud guy would have to add a few jack studs for the new door opening, but my uncle the lead foreman insists that we go with a standard security door as opposed to "Beads" from literally any yuppie movie ever made."

"Well, I suppose that's why I hired the best, Paul. But the shelf idea, right?"

"Oh, I like the angled "chain" supported concept and I'm going to construct those myself, but not as wide as you might be thinking. They're shelves and not bunk beds, but I got that one for you, Bee Bop."

Well folks, I seen it in one of my true crime TV shows and all, so.

"Alright Paul, I'm sure your quote guy already prepared a new contract with the additional "up sells", so do we sign now and get the ball rolling?"

"Almost Bee Bop, almost. Ah, wow, um, I've never had to say this before to a customer, but, um."

"It's alright Paul. I actually know Leo from before and was probably just staring at me because he didn't know me like this before, unless you're referring to something else."

"No, wow, that was it, so whew, I mean, he is the guy we would assign to clear out your rafters of those boxes and stuff, but he would be here one day in advance of the crew and by himself, so?? I mean, I can have an uncomfortable talk with him. And I mean uncomfortable for me because I married my school sweetheart and I don't know jack about what single people do these days. I mean, our guy Jack knows jack studs, but I don't know jack about these things."

"(Giggle) It's fine Paul, I'm used to people taking a minute to settle up in their minds about me and all, so LOL, we don't need to put you in a position for your head to explode. I'll be fine."

"Whew, sign here, Bee Bop."

Hah, I got away with one because Paul totally skimmed over my concept of a permanent fancy ladder that will lead to the dry wall covered rafters access door in the rear west corner, so I planned on winning a free one.

Anyways, yeah, I knew Leo from before and he was staring a little, but I took that as a good sign that my fem transformation was better than I thought. Although I suppose he did figure out who was behind the makeup and shorts while he was here with the quote guy, but still, he didn't know at first and every cross dresser worth their salt will tell you that every victory is worth noting, even if they are short lived. I mean, we all know that every victory is short lived, given what's behind the curtain and all.

And as promised, Leo showed up one day before the main work began and he was alone.

"Hm, Ben, do we need to talk about anything or should I just get after it?"

"Leo, you should refer to me as Bee Bop and the only thing I think we should talk about is if you want mustard on your corn beef sandwich that I picked up from the Deli for you. LOL, and then you can get after it."

"Oh, um, I don't think that I will be here very long, ah, Bee Bop. I mean, there are only like twelve boxes and a few boards up in the rafters and all. I mean, it will take me longer to "up sell" you on a permanent ladder system for your access to the ceiled rafters access door that lifts and latches out of the way then it will take me to clear out the rafters and all, but I'm not turning down a sandwich, so."

Yeah, well, that "up sell" strategy and all, right? It never stops. But on the plus side, Leo's "up sell" concept sounded better than mine. I mean, probably because I just thought mine up on my own and didn't see it in a movie or something.

"I'll bring you an ice tea with your sandwich since you're on the clock and all, Leo."

So, as far as the victories went that day, Leo got great sandwich for such a short job and I didn't have to know what it was like to have an old friend take off running because I made a few changes in my life. I mean, he was bound by his employment and all, but still, I took it as a victory.

"Alright Bee Bop, I stacked the boxes just behind the garage, so you can look through them at your leisure. Um, the general rule of thumb is that if something has been in a box for more than two years and it doesn't have any sentimental value, well, just toss it. So, um, thanks for the amazing sandwich and um, I guess this is good bye."

"Whoa, why good bye? I mean, don't you have other assignments here? I mean, the good guy always come back in the movies."

"Well, no, I don't do dry wall and Paul has a lock on your shelf concept and only Jack the jack stud guy frames the jack studs, so no, I don't think I'll be back, but it was great to see you again."

"(Giggle) Well, what about the rafter's access ladder, Leo? I mean, the ladder that lifts and latches and will make a great place to dangle dainty string lights from and all?"

"Sorry Bee Bop, but the lift ladder systems are actually common stock and in the back of the shop ready to go. I mean, garages are all the same height and all, so this is it, I guess."

Well, I had little choice but to rely on my three minutes of CD flirting training.

"Um, Leo, um, I like to watch the river currents roll by sometimes when there is a full moon. I mean, I think I would anyways."

"Oh, well, is there a full moon soon?"

Well, I had little choice but to rely on my internet search skills, right? I mean, full moons are a dime a dozen, right?

"Leo, ah, sometimes I like to listen to the river currents roll by and all because the full moon was last week."

Rule #16 on Chang is to never give them 20 days to think about things, so. Oh, and by "them" I just mean anyone who will get you out of the house for any reason, even though I was clearly fishing for a date.

"So, tonight is Friday and all, so...."

"Pick me up just after dark, Leo."

Rule #23 on Chang is to cut off the conversation the moment you hear enough that would stand up in any court that a date invitation was extended. Rule #23A is to never let them carry on long enough to reach the point where a "but" will come up. You close the door!

"But Bee Bop..."

Nope, that wasn't happening. I mean, I watched a movie once where the girlfriend cut her cheating boyfriend off in mid-sentence by closing the front door on him. I mean, I was at the side door and the movie did have evidence that it was his twin brother who was at the seedy hotel and all, but still, I had a date and I had already posted about it, so I wasn't taking any chances.

"Bang, bang, bang, but Bee Bop, I left my truck key FOB in the garage and you closed the garage door, that's all. Bee Bop????"

Alright, fine, but I played it smooth and used my garage door remote from the kitchen to open and close it. I mean, that looked OK, right? I mean, he showed up right on time, LOL, just after dark which is a key time of the day for a dating Trap. Or soon to be Trap anyways.

Anyways, huh, there is something to be said for a nice peaceful river watch (listening) date and it helped me feel quite at ease. However, there is also something to say about how popular it was to park down by the river on a Friday night, so when Leo suggested that we leave, I glanced around at all the T-Girl dates and agreed. I mean, Middleton, right? It seems like there are two T-Girls for every guy, right?

"Good morning, Bee Bop."

"Hmmm, good morning, Leo and thank you."

"You're welcome, Bee Bop, but thanks for what?"

"Oh, I suppose I had been wondering what if would feel like to be smashed into flesh for the night and you didn't disappoint, Leo. And neither did your body heat disappoint either, but I was surprised when you wiggled off your boxers and continued to you know, smash me, you naughty boy (kiss)."

"Well, that was just a little harmless poking around and all, but I do appreciate you being so small that it's easy to, well, encapsule you, Bee Bop."

"Hmmm, I may not know much, but if "harmless poking around" means I have to change the sheets, well, OK, I guess. Anyways, I know our views are probably differ, but we had sex last night!"

"Oh, our views differ alright, however, just to get us on the same page and all, well, you know Bee Bop, I have this morning thing going on, so???"

"Ooh, wow, yeah, you have that morning thing going on alright and please notice how I'm not even fighting you as you roll me on my belly, but you might want to notice the time too. I mean, ugh, I'm pretty sure that will be our next step and all, but won't Jack the jack stud guy be arriving soon to start installing my new rear door in the garage? And won't he recognize your truck? And hey, by the way, hey, where are you going Leo?"

Now, I would like to say that's how you get a guy out of your house in under 8 seconds, but that scene has been played out in so many movies and TV programs that it's basically a standard scene. But what's important is that I had to change the sheets. I mean, not like I posted about that or anything.

"Ah, um, good morning, um, Miss Bop, um, Bee Bop, I'm Jack the jack stud guy if you remember and there is going to be a fair amount of noise for a few hours, so, um, well, Bee Bop, I don't know much about this stuff, so if there anything that I'm to say, well, um, consider it said."

"LOL, you're fine Jack the jack stud guy. I'm just a boy who feels right in women's clothing and hair, that's all. I don't bite and I don't have cooties and you're not too gay for looking at my bare legs. It's actually a small victory for me and I should probably apologize for wearing my PJs in front of you, but I over slept, so."

"Ah, so we just carry on, right, Bee Bop?"

"Business as usual, Jack the jack stud guy. You just jack your jack studs and I have sheets to change. I ordered you a pizza for lunch, by the way, Jack the jack stud guy."

"Oh, well, the boss frowns upon that, but if a hot pizza just shows up around Noon, well, we couldn't just let it go to waste, could we? And by boss, I mean my wife of 20 years who occasionally brings me lunch when I work on Saturday's. In a tan minivan. And just in case needing to change sheets still means what if meant 20 years ago, and well, watch out for a tan minivan if you bring me an ice tea. Because I'm going to be making a lot of noise with my saws. And stuff."

Oh no folks, Jack the jack stud guy is a little old for my tastes, but it was fun to engage with him for a few minutes. But, wow, Jack the jack stud guy was right about all the noise! I mean, it was buzz cut this way and buzz saw that way and I took him out three ice teas anyways, LOL, after I changed my bed sheets because in case you haven't heard, I had a reason to do that, no that I posted about that too.

Also, LOL, his temporary support framing around the new door opening area looked like a little jail where I could put the people who liked to shame me for behaving and dressing the way that I do.

"Jack the jack stud guy, boss man Paul just texted me to say that he would be stopping by in a little while to check on your progress. LOL, I told him that I had you in jail for getting a boner for me, so he's either speeding it up or slowing it down, LOL. By the way, um, can all that stay? I need a jail Jack the jack stud guy, for the people who shame me."

"Well, thanks for giving Paul more stories to tell in the back of the shop, but I've never seen a movie scene where the garage had a little jail in the rear center of it, so, no. This is just to hold the garage up while I cut away a few of the older wall studs."

I mean it folks, just add a few steel bars in between the temporary studs and boom, I could jail the entire gang of misfits in there and tease them with water as they wasted away in my garage, right? I mean, tell me there isn't a movie somewhere with a cage of sorts, right?

"Whew, I was hoping that you were kidding, Bee Bop, but damn, I never noticed before how the temp weight support studs look like a little jail. I mean, just add a few steel bars and lights, camera, action, right Bee Bop?"

"Fine Paul, you just "up sold" me on new security cameras, but only if Leo is the installer."

"Well, hold up Bee Bop. Leo hasn't installed an entirely new security system and I can't afford to pay a crew man just to attach cameras with screws, so you're stuck with Carl the Camera guy for that, but I may have Leo help me out with your chain supported shelves, if you kick in a story telling dirt about Jack the jack stud guy. I mean, the guys in back of the shop love teasing him about stuff for some reason, so what happened when his wife stopped by to drop of his lunch? Mm-mmm?"

Ah, WTF, home improvement shop foreman's gossip too? I mean, WTF, right folks?

"Well, it wasn't all that much, but she did give me a look up and down and a quick pinch down there to figure things out for herself, but you can tell the guys in the back of the shop that if she would have asked me to stop one night to spice things up, I would have at least thought about it."

I know, that was weak and not all that much, but foreman Paul caught me off guard with that and all, so.

"Got it Bee Bop and if anyone asks, Jack the jack stud guy had you pinned inside of the little jail and was humping your backside and going all ga, ga, ga and then Francine whipped her tan minivan into the driveway and caught him trying to do you and then she whipped her big fat dildo out of her purse and rammed it straight of Jack the jack stud guy's ass and then she took his nail gun and nailed him to the exposed wall studs through his clothing and then she got down on her knees and fiddled with your fem dickie until you squirted on her mouth and made him watch the whole thing. Whew! By the way, you're already one of our favorite customers. With the shop crew. In the back."

Well, I don't remember saying all that, but who was I to argue with the boss foreman, right? You know, the boss foreman who was going to send Leo back over for another piece of the job and if he wants a piece of something else, like cake people, well, alright.

End Bee Bop 01