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Click hereLee heard the women murmur. It was the sound of the feature presentation ending. The troubled bride-to-be thanked her hostess, hugging her tightly, tears framing a grateful smile, and left.
Lee sat in the garage for a while thinking over what he had just heard. Weighing the decisions his wife had made, especially the ones she had made for both of them without his knowledge. She hadn't done the like since. He examined her situation at the time. He knew she was not paying lip service to get what she wanted. She really was doubtful she had done the crime. If she thought she had with any certainty she would have told him. He had no doubt on that count.
Lee played a game. He imagined catching his wife giving a blow job today. He was amazed at the horror and anger that coursed through him over the imaginary situation. Now he thought about what may have happened those years ago. She didn't do it on purpose, had not enjoyed it, and shared the humiliation as a teaching moment with the poor bride-to-be as a massive negative experience. Ivy had not kept a secret valuable to herself from him at his expense. She didn't want to have the secret. She hated it but kept it believing it was protecting him on several levels. She had put in constant effort and work to make the situation work for him. Once again, he found he felt no malice towards her, but he would thrash the dancer if someone pointed him out. Lee learned an important lesson about himself with that simple exercise.
About twenty minutes later he made a point of making loud noise taking the lawn mower off the worktable and putting things away in the garage. He made a noisy deal of opening the door to the kitchen. He purposely put on a grin over his promised sound effects display. Other than that, he acted normal.
Ivy looked at him with a sad worried face smiling at his silly display as he intended. He nodded to the fridge silently offering her a wine while he fished out a beer.
Ivy shook her head as she asked, "You know I love you, right?"
"Yes, I know that honey." He tried to look quizzical as he twisted the cap on his beer.
"You know I love you completely, right?" Ivy fought the imminent quaver in her voice.
Lee smiled, "Yes I do, babe." He made a point to show some confusion now.
Ivy looked pensive. She asked, "What's your favorite special place in the world?"
Lee smiled largely as he answered without much need for thought, "Two places: the beach where we got engaged, and wherever you are."
Ivy teared up. Damn that man had ahold of her.
Ivy stared at him holding her gaze for long seconds then turned her head. She spoke softly though mustering all the volume she was capable of, "Lee, if I had to tell you something you didn't want to hear, would it be better at one of those places or would that sully that special place?"
Lee made a show of sitting down across from her and putting down his beer. He wanted to make a joke that one of the places being wherever she was it would be hard for him not to be there if she was close enough to tell him something. This was not the time for his quirky humor. Instead he made Ivy understand she had all his attention, she seemed like she needed it. He made it clear he was comforting her and not in need himself.
"How bad is the news?" Lee asked with a quiet confidence.
Ivy thought, formulating her answer, "At one point it would have been bad. Though I think with what we feel about each other it still would have worked out. But now I'm not sure exactly what you will do. You might slap me, might spank me, might give me a right intense fucking, maybe just laugh; I'm not entirely sure. I get different readings depending on imagining what your mood might be when you hear it. It won't stop me from loving you and I dare say you won't stop loving me. I have unwavering confidence in you." She smiled at him. "But it will affect how, and how much, you love me."
"What sort of news?" His voice was grave now, it seemed the appropriate thing to do for her.
"I think you will be hurt now much more that I have kept it from you, than over what happened. It's not even really something I did. More something that happened, and I freaked and..."
Lee stopped her, "Something like that gal last night, or worse?" He asked it in a normal tone, under complete easy control.
Ivy looked at him her eyes growing huge. Lee knew her so well! But what did that mean for them right now? There was no judgment in his face, just love, and concern. Concern for her! He had already begun to figure it out. He must have seen something last night, yet his concern was for her! She loved this man. She began to cry.
"Not as bad, but in the same ballpark."
He didn't say anything, he was thinking. She detected no disgust no anger, nothing that indicated she had lost him. But had she ceased to be... special?
"S-So here or the b-beach?" Ivy asked trying to be brave while tears ran down her cheeks.
Lee was calm, "Did he see you naked?" He took the lead. God bless him, he knew her so well. He was going to lead her through this, not give her the chance to say something wrong. How can he be so perfect for her? Except for the moment it made her possible transgression against him feel so much worse. Ivy knew that was the opposite of what her husband wanted. Love was an awesome thing.
"No. I was not naked."
"Did he see your tits or any part of you like that?"
"No." She was so happy she could say that.
"Ivy, take off your clothes for me."
She was confused. But she stood, right there in the kitchen and started to disrobe. She would do this for him if he simply came home and requested it. The oddity came from the context.
"Why honey?" She asked as she dropped her shirt on the floor.
"You just told me you were not naked for him. I thought it might help when hearing what I've "shared" to be reminded of what I have not."
She started to cry harder. Her lower lip quivered. "Y-You are the best." Ivy hurried out of the rest of her clothes. She stood naked before him as she spoke,
"I love you; nothing has ever happened during our marriage, and I will never let it. But before... there was something that happened... at my bachelorette party." Ivy's head fell and her shoulders sagged as she simply deflated.
"Did it happen more than once?" Lee cut her off. His demeanor was authoritarian now, yet she noted not accusatory nor defensive. He was asserting himself, though not at her expense.
"No."
Lee looked Ivy directly in the eyes. She understood her husband really wanted her to understand his next point.
"Ivy, do you really want to tell me? Perhaps you shouldn't bother." Now he looked around like he was unconcerned, his light handedness concerning such a heavy subject put amazing emphasis on his idea.
Ivy lost her breath. She was staggered. She saw the affectation for what it was. He may not feel that way, yet he was offering her... 'Wow,' she thought, '... that's a staggering gift: absolution before the fact! No wonder I love him so much! How can he always love me even more than I think he does?'
Years ago Ivy had denied Lee his chance to weigh in once, she would not do that to him again. Deciding she should honor and respect him properly now, especially after his offer of mercy she began to confess, "I-I hate having something I haven't told you. This is the only thing I have never told you."
Lee leaned in more closely putting his eyes directly in line with his wife's, "Would it help you to tell me?"
The question threw her off track. "Yeah, yes, I guess. I just feel I shouldn't hold anything back."
"It really would make you feel better?" Lee asked with obvious concern.
Though she could tell he was not convinced her answer was definite despite her fear of the outcome, "Y-Yes."
Lee leaned back, his body language that of a person who knew bad news was coming, "Then go ahead and tell me."
Ivy knew she looked quizzical at his response. Lee interjected before she could continue, "If it happened only once..." He tilted his head leading her to answer.
"Yes. Never again, yes." Ivy replied in earnest.
"And you love me..."
"Oh yes, I love you!"
Lee once again made a point of being comfortably with the idea by slowly relaxing backwards a bit further, "Then if you would rather not tell me I can live with it."
Ivy felt her head shaking slowly back and forth at her husband's display. She was trembling. "Lee, I-I fear a lot of our relationship is actually my selfishness and I guess this is too."
Lee broke in again, "Holy cow, Ivy, everything you do for me, and you think our love is selfishly about you?" He held her gaze purposely shrugging, indicating he could live with what she might tell him as he asked, "Did you have him?" There was no animosity in the question.
Ivy turned crimson. Shook her head "no" but considered if that was actually correct as she did not want to tell a lie.
"Lee, my love. This is very confusing, even for me. I can not actually admit my guilt... or my innocence. I was told that something happened after I was too drunk to remember. I don't know if the girls who told me were telling the truth. They were the least trustworthy ones there. I have never had any sort of confirmation and I tried to like hell to confirm or dispel what they said."
Ivy found herself trying to swallow yet having great difficulty doing so, "B-But... it's entirely possible that I, uh, received something from a male... stripper. I did not mean to initiate, or even perform the act necessary for, uh, that... reception. I was on autopilot only by then and had to take the word of others for it." Ivy finally swallowed while looking away, "Even though there were more women there who swore there was never enough time for me to have done what the allegations said, my story is all too similar to last night's."
To Lee her awkward choice of words was just that and nothing more. Ivy was clearly trying to tell him what may have happened, not make things go easier on herself. But how do you tell the person who sees you as the pinnacle of the species that you don't deserve the title? He felt for her.
Ivy thought and spoke, "A salient point is that I don't know. Another is that if it did happen, I was so far out of it I wasn't capable of being proactive. Even if it happened, it was probably more a case of the guy masturbating in my nearly unconscious mouth, more than my giving a blowjob." She looked away then forced herself to look at him. "I'm not trying to paint the best possible case for myself, I can get you plenty of people to corroborate the state of my innebriation from both sides of the allegation."
"Did he take you?" Ivy heard her husband ask.
"No, no, we didn't... we didn't... it wasn't making love, that was for sure. We didn't c-copulate. That is definite." She forgot she was naked as she desperately searched for what to say. Damn it, she had done this years ago, she was still all too familiar with it, having gone over the haunting night thousands of times since. Yet that also dulled it in some ways. Except this was new to Lee! She reminded herself that this would be raw to him.
"Her eyes simply became waterfalls. I'm sorry Lee. Sorry to put you in this position. You should never have to doubt me. I had false friends and wasn't mature enough yet to understand that. and now the mud they threw on me has splattered you. You don't deserve any of this!"
"Ivy, tell me the details or not, whatever is best for you, then suck me hard and fuck me good, slow, and deep, and cum on me. Deal?"
"But you haven't heard!" Ivy was incredulous, she wasn't sure Lee would stay after she told him, or perhaps he would throw her out. Or if they stayed together tonight, she wasn't sure how long it would be before he gave her the chance to do something to demonstrate her love. Here he was handing it to her on a platter! Immediately, like he knew how badly she needed it. She was thankful, but incredulous.
"I will," Ivy seemed to be answering all of the questions he'd asked. "It happened once only, never again, it was more than ten years ago, before we were married." She tried hard to pull herself together. She just had to be able to answer any question her husband had!
"And you love me and me alone now?"
"Yes, and not a day has gone by that I have not regretted what might have happened. But baby whether I blew that guy or whether he stuck his cock in my mouth at all, I did make a choice: I chose not to tell you at the time! That's horrible, isn't it? I thought I had the best of reasons, now... now I'm not so sure. And I don't just love you "now", I did then too! I think almost since the day we met!" Ivy was borderline frantic.
Lee's eyes were warm and generous, "Baby, don't be nervous. There's no need. What did you say to me last night? If I ever cheated..."
"Lee, I'm not sure those words should apply to me. It needs to be your decision..."
"Regardless, your words to me were "you will survive it". Meaning if I strayed once you would still love me even through your hurt, that you would not blow me up in your pain, and that you would work to keep what we have intact. Now the shoe may actually be on the other foot, for real. If I'm making the decision alone and by myself then you will indeed "survive it".
He reached out placing his palm on the side of her face stroking her ear with his thumb. "Add to that you have regretted something for a decade, living with that pain for so long trying to protect us, now finding the guts to tell me. That's hard." Gently entwining his fingers in her hair, he began to pull her forward.
"You will love me as I requested now. We will drive to the ocean shortly. Tonight, we will sneak out on the beach, and I will have you again where you once gave me your pledge to be mine the rest of my life. In so doing you will make me the happiest man on earth, as you have done constantly for more than ten years."
Ivy fell to her knees, the wind taken from her, looked at him and cried through a beaming smile. It was clear to both of them that her pledge was prior to her possible indiscretion and he had been as happy as she promised the entire time, even with her possible indiscretion. She was so thankful for him. Whether she had ever been on the hook or not, Lee wasn't letting her near the damn thing now.
She stared at him in awe, "You are too good to be true."
"Perhaps not. You have earned this response from me, but we both know what I would do to that man if he were right now, and we don't know if he is guilty either."
She trembled looking at Lee. She clenched her eyes shut; he loved her so much that she could accidently mold him into the murderer of an innocent man. She had never considered that aspect. What would have happened if she had told him years ago? She hated the thought.
"Baby, tell me what you want and let's get on the road." He took her face in his hands. He made sure the contact was established. There was nothing but love in his eyes and touch. She felt it from him, there was not even the need for forgiveness. She thought she might faint from the realization that if she really needed it, he had already granted it. He always found a way to be more than she ever thought possible.
Lee finally spoke. He wanted to make sure Ivy understood something very important. Something he needed her to understand.
"Don't worry my love, to me you will always be the most special girl in the world."
Her heart nearly leapt from her chest! She flung herself on him, wrapping herself around him as thoroughly, desperately, and as hard as she could, as hard as she ever had. She sobbed out, "I LOVE YOU!"
Lee thought, 'She thinks my words a coincidence. With what she told that young woman today, she thinks she just got a pat on the back from providence, which she did. The delivery method was just a little different than what she thinks. For my Ivy this "coincidence" gives her the win over uncertainty. She needed to hear the word: "special".
'She kept her unhappy secret from me for ten years. I can keep this happy one from her for as long as she needs. Her burden has become mine. It is a light burden indeed, because to me, most of all, Ivy really is that special.'
- COMMENTS
Enough with her 8 day explanation upon returning home from the slut fest... it went on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on!!!
Only a few readers will very truly appreciate tis work of art.
To me the most important point was Ivy was wiling to relive her pain to help another. That is a true heroine.
I agree with two commentators, much too long, too redundant and too much bullshit. I also, skipped paragraphs most of the pages. "2"
This was about the most boring story I've read. Started skipping paragraphs. Sorry but this one is not to my liking. Too much bullshit. 2*
Good story. But long. But emotions were portrayed well. Given the circumstances is a no brainer for reconciliation. Yes she should have told him when it happened but it is understandable why she did not. Those who severely criticize her for not immediately telling him, are not putting themselves in her shoes. Now after 20 years, and especially with him overhearing her confession to the other young girl, he is able to process the information like a mature adult and a real man and loving husband. Not sure why isn't rated higher.
I'm afraid it was much too long, too repetitive. It could have been dealt with in about one page. I doubt if many readers will have the patience to get to the end. I certainly didn't.
Great concept. But I don't think I could listen to someone blabber that much bullshit for that long.
Tell our don't tell, decision for the bride, but don't pretend not telling is for the benefit of the groom. It isn't. But in any way.
It wasn't for the wife of the mc either. It was just selfish wanting to save the marriage. In her case if the guy couldn't accept she was either raped or her friends made shit up then why may him. In the brides case.... Well, turn that shit around. Her husband got a blow job at his bachelor party at getting a bit tipsy but still in control morning. Just barely remembers it, and there's video of him drunkenly coaxing her on and face fucking her. Does the bride deserve to know before walking down that aisle? Hell yes, and the groom fits in this case.
I think I'm out with this author. Judy don't enjoy the stories based on direction, the long monologues, and the contortions of logic and emotion used to make simple things seem deep and complex.
The broken English was too much the read. A lot of sentence that either had a key word missing. or there would be a wrong tense word that made the sentence make no sense
Interesting to see some of the btb troglodytes on this story. She doesn't even know what happened and was incapacitated and got conflicting accounts. Sigh.
But yeah the last couple pages had too much verbiage. Need some pruning. Lot of repetition and verbal handwringing. First two pages set up well and then lot of monotony over something that would be largely a nothingburger for any reasonable person.
And yet she got drunk again without him around? - She had a chaperone, the limo driver (ex-police officer) as well as the husband of her friend. And didn't start drinking until after all of the younger girls and bride to be were home.
I started skipping a lot of the endless descriptions and dialog. Got pretty boring after a while, with no "pop" or enjoyable climax (no sexual pun intended) at the end.
The story was set up very nicely in the beginning with a lot of tension as to what may have transpired. The final
two pages, while interesting, went into excruciating detail and soul-wringing over something that may or may not have happened. In my opinion, this should not have affected them at all. They should have recognized the event
for what it was. No harm was really done and, most importantly, never repeated while married.
I lost the will to live as Ivy droned on in the kitchen.
A 3 for me - mostly for effort!
Quit reading somewhere around the 3rd page. The story just dragged on too long, as if this author got an award or more money for lengthening a 2 page story into 4. 3 stars Bob
Nice story. But you need a good editor to prune your work. Scenes wallow seemingly forever rehasing essentially the same thought dialogue.
A whore is a whore. Just because she fooled him doesn't make it less so. Might sound harsh but put yourself in that position. Your fiance cheats on you and then lies about it to make sure she gets to marry you otherwise the money would be wasted. Monster. That's what she is
Do we mark how well the story is told, or what the message in the story is?
I don't like cuck stories, I don't intentionally read them, and if I'm misled into reading one I mark harshly.
This is a wonderfully told love story. Ivy had done precisely what she told the bride to be to do, but upon telling her that, realised she no longer wanted to hold anything back from Lee. Or perhaps she had never wanted to hold back from Lee and could just no longer do so. The "Twist" in the tale being that Lee would now hold back that he already knew from the discussion earlier that afternoon.
Why do we need this clever twist? Why not just confess that Ivy had got herself so upset last night that he did doubt her at that point. Then tell her she had made the best confession possible, one where she didn't know Lee heard it. Why do characters have to play silly games/? Just so Lee can keep a pointless secret in this case?
You did drag out the final confession scene for far too long.
that said "The thing I find strange is that the wife kept this big secret from her husband for so long but has no problem telling it to all these other women."
==
HAHA uhh yeah that's what women do. Your womans gf's know all the dirty details about your sex life, how big you are, how long you last. They tell each other all their dirty secrets.
The thing I find strange is that the wife kept this big secret from her husband for so long but has no problem telling it to all these other women. She even lies to her husband about why these women are coming over and tries to make sure he doesn't hear it.
Why average?!
Love to see the rule that people have to get drunk and/or high at bachelor/bachelorette party!
What is purpose of getting that way when do stupid things and suffer the next day!
Her saving graces were of course her abject, sincere regret, repentance and constant effort to be a good and true wife, helpmate and friend to her chosen mate. She's not one of those unrepentant whores who need to be tortured till they die horribly.
You're a good writer except for one thing: too many words. You go on and on before each event ever reaches a climax or conclusion or other type of stasis. You wrote a good story but I got bogged down time after time. Keep up your writing. You have talent and will get better and better.
A story of true love, but so sad that she lived with the burden of her secret for ten years.
Good story. Depth of feeling. Her deja vulnerable triggered her need to come clean. She should have done it sooner. But reconciliation was never in doubt.
Again, a really good premise but the dialogue comes off like a monologue or an essay masquerading as dialogue.
Very good story. Legio_Patria_Nostra comment covered important points. Some of your critics appear to have comprehension difficulties. She acted guilty, insisted he check her for infidelity because this party forcefully brought her own possible infidelity to the forefront. So he checked, as she insisted combined with her guilty behavior and her past tense comment about giving other men blowjobs - "never had" as opposed to "never have". If someone continuously spiked your wife's drink until she passed out and then placed their penis in her unconscious mouth would you be a cuckold?
Excellent one of my favorites. Very happy with the story. Keep up the great work.
This reads like that scene in deadpool just where he kills that guy and the steel giant pukes. The dialogue fits fantastic to this "you were just droning on and on".
Exact same feeling reading this.
Excellent story. The wife held on to a difficult secret but otherwise did everything else right. She has poor friends. It is why you should always always have a really close true friend and/or family members at a bachelor or bachelorette party.
Wonderful storey. The detailed reasoning behind the actions/reactions of the two of them well thought through and explained. The understanding of each other's underlying meanings during the final conversation came accross very well. The overriding love the two of them shared, and the understanding and room that it gave them during this final conversation. All of it very well done! I rarely give anything five stars, but you got five from me.
Thankyou!
That was a pretty good story. Lee was a total saint, and Ivey needs to stay away from booze.
Honestly, a story too long that really said nothing much. I will say, anybody who drinks excessively's responsible for their actions, whether they remember or not, whether wanted or not. It's their choice to drink that much. And here in this story, his wife at her bachlorette party got drunk & was told she gave a stripper a BJ. She's not positive it happened- or didn't. But years later, she gets drunk again. But prior to that, she saves another drunken wife-to=be? In the end, things were a bit drab; the conversation between whomever in the kitchen led one to believe there'd be some sort of deep betrayal, including the leader of the story in the beginning, but it's a big nothing. Could've been accomplished by 1 1/2 pages less. 2 stars Bob
Good story of loving couples adjusting to morality of fidelity. And how they were played one-last-time by faux friends. Nicely done.
Somewhat corny, somewhat gripping, altoghether a really really good story.
An odd story, well put together with a well paced story line, I liked the characters, I’m sure lots of “ anonymous “ comments will just say she’s a slut, but those sort didn’t have a life that is good as they don’t have any feelings for anyone but themselves
Nope! Starting a marriage with lie’s isn’t going to work. Also the bride didn’t have to drink. She CHOSE to drink to the point of being unaware. Still accountable, though, or should be. Lots of stories lately that present women as lying little girls who have no agency. I don’t understand why authors write women like this, and I especially find it weird that they always have the husbands stay with these mental/emotional children. How can that possibly be attractive?!?
ZK
I really love this story. Very romantic and heartwarming. Thank you! Please keep sharing your stories.
Hi Folks, I can't tell you how much I appreciate your taking your time and commenting. I have a lot of rough edges to sand down before the polish can be applied. I promise to try my best.
Let's hit a few of the common problems. Too long. I agree, yet I went over the darn thing five times head to foot and this is what I ended up with. Sometimes you have to jump in the pond in order to learn how to swim. I had already missed my self imposed deadline on when to publish.
The other major comment was cut the dialog. I will have to make it more pithy but the dialog performs two functions for me: dialog is where I "show" and not "tell" the story. I also hope to wrench out the emotions there. There are some who don't read for the emotion or drama and a story like this will never be their cup of tea. What I was hoping to avoid was making the dialog too sterile, as wavedave 45 already felt it was, especially when the husband was confronted with a situation he was struggling to dismiss. He was giving his wife full benefit of a doubt. If I had told it well the conclusion was he was investigating to exonerate not condemn. Both outcomes require investigation though, sad truth. And the conclusion that I didn't tell the story well enough is obvious too.
to Legio Patra Nostra: Wow! Thank you! Your comments were super helpful! It's especially neat that I have read and thoroughly enjoyed your works!
In fact I can't adequately explain the general gobsnackedness of conversing with and getting comments from many of you that I have read! I have been cringing awaiting the comments and this part was an unexpected boost.
For every one who liked it thank you very very much!
I'm still struggling to figure out how to do things like respond to comments so I have a long way to go. Your well wishes will give me stream for the journey.
To high light a couple of comments:
Very well-written. This story addresses several important points about marriage and fidelity in a subtle and nuanced manner, with maturity and tenderness. A little humor here and there as well. The couple may be somewhat idealized/romanticized, and not all couples are like that, but I know a few that truly are that way, so it’s not entirely unrealistic. Well done - a great read!
A skeptic would say what else? I as a pragmatist would say she experienced deja bi and it got to her. Her reaction was a bit puzzling, however as she reverted back to getting plastered. I also wondered if her husband didn’t hear the conversation, how he would have handled the situation, In any case they as a couple certainly get it. Now the written story. Is so well written I can admire the dialogue as very realistic and very indicative of a strong and endearing relationship. Thanks for sharing.
Pretty good and I’d say realistic. The bachelor/ bachelorette parties in my opinion have alway been out of hand and progressed to vacation weekends in crazy party places like Vegas , Caribbean and now Nashville. It’s a recipe for trouble. Groups away drinking excessive and are especially girl groups targets . In the younger party years I’ve been around plenty future brides and her some married friends taking strange cock on the bachelorette parties . I recall two friends dping a bride who was getting married the following week . Also once a future bride, her married older sister and two the the future grooms sisters totally getting fucked in a suite in Vegas for three days . A few of her friends as well . They didn’t know that the guys were going to surprise them with extended trip with them on their last day. Supposedly the got there early and went to the room with no one there waited until late in night as they returned laughing talking out loud about their fuck fest totally caught as they said they hardly were in there rooms . All hell broke loose and a canceled wedding, two divorces, at least a couple more potential divorces a few break ups . Also always bars and clubs filled with these so called freedom ending parties which in my mind is a bad way to mentally start a future marriage together.
Good story in all, bit like a LW Disney story. In these modern times women don’t actually have those sort of intense feelings for their husbands.
Modern women are mostly entitled and self serving, they may feel this level of love in the beginning but it doesn’t last long before it’s me, me, me.
We’d all love a wife like Ivy
I agree with some of the other comments made so far, but I won't say which ones, because that would just make my comment repetitive. -
Now your comment has become redundant.
Something, somehow inexplicably nervous behaves and suspiciously twitches this - "an innocent and almost holy wife.".. I would dig deeper... There is a very strong smell of dirt disguised with cloying vanilla.
A bit too long, yes, but still a good story, which has a very good point. Men value innocence, even he forgives her and she would be faithful to the end of her days, still, from time to time the thought about what she did can pop up in his head, make him angry and their marriage will suffer.
I'm certain there will be those that love this. I'm not one of those people. Sugar is sweet but this story is pure Talin, some 3,000 times sweeter than sugar. Over the top for me but please keep at it. Work on your written dialogue, it will come to you. I admire your use of dialogue, it's just a bit stiff/stilted but way ahead of pure narrative. Keep writing.
This story was exceptionally poorly written. In the beginning, the wife is undressed three times: even a cursory proofreading would have caught this. The dialog, especially of the wife with her friends is ponderous and unrealistic, as is the final dialog between the husband and wife.
Thanks for sharing...
I liked the fact that your story was a somewhat realistic scenario. Although a touch too idealistic & repetitive.
Thanks for an entertaining read
Good story, especially because it appears to be a first. Effort? It was a bit overly formal and dramatic in the dialogue. As a constructive criticism only, the writer tended to bludgeon the reader with repetitive dialogue trying to make his/her point. It takes away from the story’s flow. For example the story could have been shortened by about a page, we got it. Ivy really loved her husband. Yet the author kept piling on and on with unnecessary repetitive statements supporting this fact. All in all though, good work. 4*
Good story but the way they talk seems a little unnatural. Too precise. Like aliens pretending to be humans.
Also love doesn't matter 1 bit. Nothing to do with the story but the story plays this "but I love you" card that gets played in real life and in fiction. Love doesn't matter. A mechanic doesn't need to love you to not screw you when you take your car in to get fixed. A roofer doesn't need to love you to not just skip town after getting the money for the materials. Love doesn't stop people from cheating on you and so it shouldn't be a reason for you to keep them around since it clearly wasn't enough the first time. Love doesn't come with a manual that says "might cheat on you but definitely won't a second time". It's just pointless so just don't say it. Rather than saying it show it by not making their lives harder than they've already made it.
Good story but the way they talk seems a little unnatural. Too precise. Like aliens pretending to be humans.
Also love doesn't matter 1 bit. Nothing to do with the story but the story plays this "but I love you" card that gets played in real life and in fiction. Love doesn't matter. A mechanic doesn't need to love you to not screw you when you take your car in to get fixed. A roofer doesn't need to love you to not just skip town after getting the money for the materials. Love doesn't stop people from cheating on you and so it shouldn't be a reason for you to keep them around since it clearly wasn't enough the first time. Love doesn't come with a manual that says "might cheat on you but definitely won't a second time". It's just pointless so just don't say it. Rather than saying it show it by not making their lives harder than they've already made it.
You painted a very clear picture of a remarkably intelligent couple who both hold the sanctity of marriage as it was meant to be , in the foremost grounds of their daily lives . The depths and lengths at which Ivy went in her intervention for the bachelorette was profound and deeply moving . This , of course , reflects back to the writers level of intelligence and their understanding of the dynamics of relationships . Impressive and insightful especially for a first story submission ! Something tells me no one will ever mistake you as chopped liver ! Lol worthy of 5 stars and a standing ovation
Bravo! To confess to her husband a minor and implicit oversight that occurred even before their wedding and to give so much drama to her remorse that her husband will not even think that she is constantly cheating throughout their marriage. Well done, girl!
Good storytelling, with a very wrong conclusion.
She was self-serving, and dishonest, keeping something major from her finance / husband. She kept this from him for all those years. She was nothing "special" after all. Were I the husband, I would not divorce her. But I'd never completely trust her again.
If she had confessed immediately after that night that she was drunk, didn't remember, but that some of her evil friends said she did _____, I'd have married her anyway. There's credibility in painful honesty.
WOW I know it is fiction BUT to get a woman like IVY to love me would be heaven (jaybee186)
A bit of an emotional rollercoaster but well written (despite what a few comments say). and very satisfying conclusion. Well done.
I agree with some of the other comments made so far, but I won't say which ones, because that would just make my comment repetitive.
I am not sure if I liked it
But, I applaud you for putting the story out here
Ultimately, the wife chose to substitute her judgment in place of that belonging to the man who was then her fiancé. She denied him the right to assess the facts and make his own informed decision about whether to marry. All the rest is rationalizations and window dressings. Somehow I doubt she would appreciate her husband substituting his judgment for hers on a matter such as whether they as a couple have children. As a goose and gander issue, the wife's suspiciously self-serving position quickly leads to either subservience or hypocrisy.
In the end it’s a wordy willing cuckold story. Love and respect would have been telling the truth or not having sex with the stripper.
Not A bad premise. You could cut about 3/4 of the dialog out easily though. The wife repeats her lengthy speeches way too much. “He’s the only one for her”. Got it.
Very, very nice. Well written emotions. 5/5 Hard to believe this is your first story.
Writing stories like this require you to "thread the needle" with your writing, because your plot is based on the interaction between two people where that interaction involves a lot of nuance, subtlety of feelings and emotional engagement. That tends to lead us towards over-explaining and wordiness--you know, pack it all in within a long, complex sentence full of dependent clauses, adverbs and adjectives. In OUR head, this is all perfectly clear, but to the reader, who can't "see" what you, the creator, are visualizing, it comes off as wordy (like this sentence, might). That's why you always need a second-set-of-eyes, a beta reader and an editor who doesn't much care about your feelings. Self-editing takes a special person, and I can not self-edit very well. And to be honest, I also tend to over-write, over-explain (a technical-writing-inducted malady), and have a hard time self-editing--that's why it's so obvious. Literotica has a cadre of capable editors and beta-readers on standby.
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Honestly, this is a remarkable story, and you caught more than a few corners pitching with a full-count. It badly needs an edit/rewrite, because much of the quality is hidden in writing that needs to be cleaned-up, streamlined and edited. Then, it needs to be reposted. I give it 5/5 for the story alone.
This was a bit overwrought for the nature of "the crime'. Kept going on about the same thing over and over, made it too long
What happened to her in reality was date rape, she was not capable of consent &,any guy with half a brain would know that.
3 stars as it was too long for what it was. 2 to a short 3 pages. Cut out a bunch of the dialog between husband and wife .
I felt that this was a good story with a really good premise. Some parts were brilliantly written while others not so much. I’m sure that others have suggested a proof-reader, so I won’t do that. Please continue to write! And thank you for a really good story about love! 4*!
Very enjoyable story. Nice to see a wife who considers her husband's feelings and reactions when making decisions.
A handful of editing errors that detracted from the flow of the story.also some points that were made multiple times that didn't seem necessary to the flow of the story. A more streamlined and we'll edited version of this probably could have been completed in 2 pages and still made all the same points and had the same impact.
Great first effort from this author.
Jesus, she blew a stripper when she was drunk at a bachelorette party. Ya know, sometimes sex is just sex, not love or emotional intimacy. I’d be more concerned that she loved letting anonymous frat boys come all over her. Seems like that’s a more meaningful kink to her that would be very hard to resist.
Loved it, all the way thru until the ending. I would rather he TOLD her that he overheard her confession and loved and respected her all the more for it. Would have been no secrets, no doubts, no recrimination. But, I didn't take the time to write the story, you did, and I thank you for it. It's a 5 from me, and this should be required reading for all who attend bachelor or bachorette parties.
For the first page+, I thought this was a lousy piece... And then you turned it into a true love story. 5* for a truly loving wife story, destined to be a classic.
Please get someone to read over your work. At least read it out loud to yourself and see if it always means sense. Good storyline but misspellings and syntax hurt. My input reflects the story. Congratulations on your wonderful survival against the big C. I truly hope it continues.
Way WAY too long and dithering. OK, you wife or girl friend got falling down passing out drunk, and someone claims that while in that condition she had a guy's cock in her mouth. Sucked him, who knows? Came in her mouth, who knows? Swallowed his cum, who knows? She was too drunk to even remember, so NO ONE knows. OK? So What Fucking Difference Does It Make, since it might not of even happened! No One Knows!! So what the fuck is this story supposed to be about? The wife feeling guilty and confessing that someone claims she sucked a guy's cock at her bachlorette party? No, this is all High School level drama and psychobabble. So some day some old friend claims at your bachelor party that You sucked off one of the grooms for that old "would you suck a dick for a thousand dollars" dare, and you suddenly get sick remembering that someone did give you a thousand dollars in an unmarked envelope at the wedding reception, and you never knew who nor why. Hell, even your bride couldn't imagine who had given you the thousand bucks, so you just accepted it as some weird generous benefactor. And now some old acquaintance claims that you sucked some guy off in a drunken stupor for a thousand bucks? Maybe its true, how did the friend know you got a thousand dollars as a wedding gift? Yeah, lots of ways; doesn't matter: No One Knows If Its True, period. So what difference does it make? Its a non-issue. Just like this story: nonsense. I appreciate all the head work and psychology you tried to distill and infuse into this story, but it was just tedious and boring. Hell, maybe like this comment? Less is more. But thanks for the effort.
I stopped reading at the interrogation.
She comes home. Drunk. Exhausted. In need of a shower and he forces her to recount her evening? Looking for any sign of infidelity?
Fuck you.
he sounds like an abusive husband, believing his wife would cheat on him at the first opportunity. Why do I say that? Because his automatic default is to assume she cheated on him. And who has a conversation when they’re hammered?
Seriously, you need to re-examine this story and see if it makes any sense.
Nope its harsh but no one would forgive this. The only way to forgive this is get payback. If that means finding the one she cheated with then so be it. Also giving her a taste of her own medicine.