All Comments on 'Golf Lessons For My Cousin Pt. 01'
by Domes88
- 13 Comments
I enjoyed the story but was not my favorite way to see a story end... just a hard stop in the middle of a thought
Too Short...
Great Start - but you definitely lose points for stopping when you did.
There wasn't anything about this I didn't like until the author ran out of words and stopped writing.
Maybe they intended the ending to be a cliff hanger. It didn't work. There was no tension, nothing unexpected, nothing to get our attention then leave us hanging. It was literally as if the writer saw something shiny, so wandered off to investigate and forgot to come back.
That cost you a considerable number of stars.
The story wasn't long, and could have been 4 or 5 times longer and not been long, so that isn't an excuse. The writer didn't come to the end of a scene, so it's not a good chapter break. It was just a bad place to end, which is even worse than making poor word choices.
Anonymous, read it completely before commenting. She wasn’t 14 years old, she was 14 years younger than him. If it said she was 14 Lit wouldn’t have published.
Sorry about the bad stopping point. I’ll make up for it in part 2. And yes, 14 years younger. Not 14 years old!
Very nice beginning.
I was out on a military golf course with an adventurous wife and after walking into the women's restroom with her I stood chatting as she pee'd. We talked as she washed her hands by looking in the mirror. She said, "I'm wet, can you help me?" To which I closed the last ten inches between us and jerked her panys and panties to her knees and did her at the sink. It was quick and it was hot and we never got caught.
Thanks for sharing
You did a good job of making the flirting natural and hot. That cliffhanger at the end has me aching to read the next part!