All Comments on 'QueSeráSerá Ch. 01: A Thing of the Past'
by VBBeringer
- 8 Comments
She is a perfect dream of a loving wife, a DDD rack and a married pussy.
Good stream-of-consciousness approach to the writing.
However, the 'married pussy' trope has got to be one of the most ridiculous writing habits to have infected authors on this site.
I understand that for someone doing the writing, and is getting his/her kick out of the betrayal fantasy, that an occasional reminder of the core fantasy is needed.
It leaves anyone else with the question: is any other part of the person married? You know: kicking her shoes off her married feet; washing her married hair ..
I wouldn’t have read this part 1 story if I had actually looked at the author’s story page. The author has a part 1 story from April that hasn’t been added to.
The Lassez-faire of the Que Sera Sera title doesn't fit at all with the incident, as what she allowed to build up to the blurt out is a gaffe far beyond faux-pas, which may have been the (not so) Le Petite Morte of their relationship.
You did a good job of describing her, he is a cardboard prop so far. Hhe needs to now be fleshed out, al lowed to be Irate, Concerned, and a formidable challenge to any desire by her to stay together, to keep the tension up and prolong the plot through an examination of their relationship and feelings and thoughts.
Other than clarifying what kind of dude ex was, and why they broke up, you might be wise to leave the ex out except for her explanation of the fixation. You will have your hands full dealing with the protag's current relationship.
Again, thanks for a good read and interesting variation on a common theme. Keep going!!
Not a bad concept, the wife who can't get her old BF out of her head. That's a hard story for a man to write because what's more mysterious to a man than the mind of a woman? Regardless, good debut for LW. Keep writing and please don't disappear like so many new authors. Better rig for depth charges, though, if you finish this story. There are many men here who want to drive you away.
Seems like you wanted to write the title in Portuguese. "O que há de ser,será" It will fit better
Who cares if her pussy is the only body part that is married ... or not. Actually, the only body part that is ‘married’ is her brain! But, to me, the bigger question is ‘How and Why did Hubby get MORE excited than usual ... at a time many of us (at least, that sport a kickstand!) -like ANON ‘How can he finish?’ - would have wilted like a ballon in a cactus garden!
I think that dynamic is going to be the focus of future chapters! This is the point where I believe an LW story really starts. Her adventurous act (or memory) bringing about an adjustment in their marital relationship.
5*. Room for the subsequent chapter(s) to soar, but also for it to rot like a fish in the Aruba sun! Fingers crossed!