All Comments on 'Revenge at What Price'

I love the concept. Not necessarily original, but it's elegant in its erotic simplicity.

The main problems you're having though are spelling issues, word choice, homophone confusion, and--most of all--lack of descriptiveness. At times, it felt like you were summarizing the sex scene more than describing it.

The most salaciously enjoyable erotica magnifies even the most minute details of a coupling. The way you have it now, it is--figuratively--no more than simply saying, "She penetrates him. He screams in pain. She moves around. He moans in pleasure. He cums. She cums." I'm not going to tell you how to describe a scene in your own mind, but to produce an adequately cogent and effective tale of erotica, you need more.

It's a great start, and you're on the right path. But improvement is necessary.

You need to learn to use the vocabulary that is available, the correct way to use a word. Think their, there and they're - each of these are actually different words and mean different things!! Decent story line if you can get past the inability to write.

Loved it,hope you continue.