- Non-Erotic Poetry
- 528 + Infinity
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Click hereHere's an old house.
If you turn right from D'Arcy Avenue,
528 is smaller than memory.
Bricks belong to strangers now
and the dogwood a spindly shiver,
bare brittle as my secrets buried
beneath concrete, my foundation
where 528 sets gray in brown.
If you dig deep you might find
the Indian penny I hid once
upon a shiny day.
Change greens with age.
My initials are eroded in a web
of cracked patio. Somewhere
in winter wind you'll hear whispers.
Grind of roller skates, flap of sheets,
a careless singsong of girls
disappearing through a screen door.
- COMMENTS
I feel like im going home
familiar territory
confortable and cozy
to say the same as Eve, about dropping "upon a shiny day", it is not bad, but..."in winter wind you'll hear whispers." a good line because of alliteration, but "bare brittle as my secrets buried" better because it is fresher". This is a very interesting line "Change greens with age.", one almost sees algae. "528 + Infinity" I'm not happy with the "plus Infinity" (pardon the pun) looks like a reach. (5)
There are those things we can all recognize like how our homes of childhood are remembered bigger than they really are. For the most part a few brush strokes depict the presence of the place with a dash of you here and there to complete the vision we can pause to contemplate while we conjure our own early memories and melding them with yours we bond with your humanity while we visit your early home.
Stopping by to visit a house once known in a intimate nature. Such beautiful imagery. A sense of sentimentality pervades this beautiful poem. Enjoyable!
This is a lovely poem. All the phrases are topnotch.
I'd be tempted to drop "upon a shiny day." Though, I'm thinking shiny penny and that line may be needed.