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Click hereWhen he asked her out and she said yes, he was very happy. He soon realized that Rachel was a shy person, and very introverted. But that didn't bother him. After dating Rachel for a year, he decided to propose to her. When she accepted, he was sure he could never be happier than he was at this moment. He was wrong. When Rachel got pregnant with Kate, the joy he felt was almost too much to bear. He felt the same only a year later when their son, Michael, was born.
After having two children however, Rachel was never the same. She seemed to shut down a little, to retrieve in her own world. The first couple of years, Richard attributed it to the effect of childbirth. He tried to talk to her, share the burden, anything that would help his wife, without much success unfortunately.
Things seemed to settle like this. Rachel became a more private person, but she was a perfect mother, so Richard decided to respect and accept Rachel for what she was. It is also at that time that Richard decided to start his own business. Since Rachel wanted to stay home and take care of the kids, he would be the sole provider for the family, and he vowed he would give them only the best.
Although Richard worked a lot, and had to travel a lot too, he never missed an important event in his family's life. He never missed a birthday, a school play, a graduation, a major sport event. He was always there for the holidays. And he provided the life he wanted for his family. They had a great house, two cars, always took vacations together in the summer, and the kids would be able to attend any college or university they wanted too, no manner how expensive.
The only shadow in Richard's life was his sex life. Although at first Rachel seemed to be a very sexual person, after the birth of their two children, she seemed to completely loose interest in sex. Oh, they still did it once a week or so, but all the passion in Rachel was gone. Almost as if every time they were having sex, Rachel's mind would leave her body and went somewhere.
Richard was a very attractive man, and he never had any difficulties with the ladies when he was younger. He had several partners before marrying Rachel but was always a committed person when in a relationship. And when he married Rachel, the love of his life, he knew he would never be with any other women for the rest of his life.
After a few years of unsatisfying sex in his marriage however, Richard had an affair with a co-worker. For several months, he led this secret double life. But these months were the unhappiest of his life. After ending his affair, he promised himself that he would never cheat on his wife ever again. So what if the sex was not so great anymore? Life is more than just satisfying your personal sexual needs!
From this point on, Richard devoted his life to his family and providing them everything they could ever need or just wanted. He also maintained a good relationship with his once mistress, Melissa, as she is now the vice-president of his company.
And so today, after dealing with the situation and confident Melissa could handle it, Richard went back to look after his son.
Kate
After quicky going to her own room to finally put-on some clothes, Kate went back to her brother's room. When she entered, she saw her dad sitting on a chair next to Michael's bed. They seemed to be having a normal conversation. She was surprised at how normal her brother looked suddenly. Maybe he was finally getting better?
Michael then announced that he was going to take a bath. It's true that he only took one shower the entire week, and he was stinking a little. Richard said it was a good idea and that he would change his bed while he would take a bath. Once Michael left for the bathroom, Richard turned to Kate and said:
"He seemed to feel better."
"Yeah, suddenly. Weird." Said Kate
"What do you mean Kate?" Asked Richard.
"Well, only a few minutes ago, I thought he was dead in his bed and now he's all "I stink, I need a bath". Answered Kate.
"Why, what happened?" Replied Richard.
"I wish I knew dad. When I got out of the shower, I saw mom leaving his room like she was leaving a crime scene or something." Said Kate.
"Why was she leaving Michael's room like that?" Asked her dad.
"That's the thing dad, I don't know! I yelled at her, but she never even looked at me, she just went on and left! When I rushed to see Michael, I swear dad, for a second, I thought he was dead!" answered Kate with tears in her eyes.
"Honey dear, stop saying that." Said Richard.
"I know, I'm sorry, but that's how I feel, sorry daddy." Said Kate, crying."
"Sorry Kate, then what?" Continued her father.
"Then he looked at me with eyes that were lost and empty, as if not recognizing me at all and said "Mommy, I would never tell what you did to me, I need you, I love you mommy." Answered Kate to her dad.
"I don't like the sound of that. Where is she, where is your mother?" Asked the father.
"I don't know! I'm pretty sure I heard he leave with her car." Answered Kate.
"Alright, I need to talk to her." Said Richard, ending this conversation.
Richard thinking
What the hell is going on! Our son is sick, unable to leave his bed for a week, and she just leave him like that and leave the house! Something is not right. What did you do Rachel? What did you do to our son?
Kate
As Kate was sitting on her brother's bed, she realized that her dad was right, those sheets needed to be changed. As she was removing the quilts and sheets from Michael's bed, she felt something in her heart, like if a dagger had pierced it. She immediately dropped the sheets to the floor and rushed to the bathroom.
Richard
Why aren't you answering your phone, Rachel? Where are you? Your family needs you right now. I need you. Your son needs you.
As Richard was trying to call his wife, he heard his daughter shout the worst scream he ever heard in his life. In a split of a second, he dropped his phone on the kitchen table and ran as fast as he could to the second floor, leaping three steps at the time to reach the top floor. He ran to the sound of his daughter's ongoing scream, which was coming from the bathroom. When he entered the bathroom, he saw his son, Michael, laying in the bathtub, filled with water, water that was red. Blood red.
In the bathroom
Michael
Michael had gone to the bathroom not with the intent to wash himself, but with the intent to end his life. For him, that was the best solution, the only solution, really. He realized he would never betray his mother, but he could not keep his secret from his sister either. So, the only solution he had was to take his own life.
Entering the bathroom, Michael started filling the bathtub while removing the razor blade from his father's razor. Michael himself only used an electric razor, but he always guessed his father was old fashioned because he was only using these hand razor, the one you use after putting that foam thing on your face. Michael had always liked the smell that his father had after shaving, but always thought the process looked messy. Plus, he only needed to shave once or twice a week so, the Phillips electronic razor he got for his birthday from his uncle, his godfather, when he turned 16 was perfect for him.
But today, Michael was happy his father was old fashion with the way he chose to shave.
At the hospital
Richard
After Richard had called 9-1-1 for help, an ambulance quickly arrived. Michael was still alive, but time was running out. The first respondent stopped the bleeding from Michael's right wrist. Luckily, Michael had only sliced one wrist, giving the medical workers time to prevent his death.
At the hospital, Michael was quickly attended to. The injury Michael inflicted on himself was treated and the bleeding was stopped. But Michael had lost a lot of blood. He needed blood to prevent his heart from stopping, and a lot of it. And so, the race to save Michael's life began.
Richard
While at the hospital, Richard and his daughter Kate were crying in each other's arms. Realizing the gravity of the situation, Richard had to regain control and do what was right at that moment.
"Kate, honey, your brother may not survive this" said Richard.
"Stop, don't say that, don't say that!" Answered Kate.
"I know honey, I know how much it hurts. Trust me, I never...But we must informed people of what is happening. They would want to see your bother if, when he wakes-up. Okay honey?" Continued Richard.
"Yes?" Said Kate slowly.
"Try to reach your mother. I was trying to reach her when... before. Anyway, I think she may have closed her phone but try to reach her, okay? Can you do this for me homey?" Asked Richard.
"Yes dad" Answered Kate, unsure.
"I love you so much honey. You are the best daughter a father could ever hope for. And the best sister. I know how much your brother loves you. He will come back, you'll see, just because of how much love he has in this world." Said Richard to a crying Kate.
After hugging his beloved daughter, Richard then called his stepfamily. Unfortunately, his own parents had both passed away, but Rachel's parents were still alive, and very close to their grand-children, so Richard called them, informed them about the situation and told them to come to the hospital, hoping not to say goodbye to their grand-son, but to say hello when he would wake up.
Then he did the same thing with Rachel's brother, Michael's godfather, and his own sister, Michael's godmother.
The family
After several blood transfusions, Michael's life was saved. When informed, the entire family gathered at the hospital, cried in each-other's arms, and gave each-other's comfort. They all asked if they could see Michael, but the doctor said he needed to recuperate first, to go home, sleep, and come back tomorrow. One person was not leaving without seeing her brother however, and after some arguments, Richard convinced the doctor to let his daughter see his brother, that she would never leave otherwise. He promised he would look over and make sure everything was fine.
Kate was allowed to see her "little" brother while Richard and the doctor looked through the small window of the room's door.
After that, everyone had no choice but to leave the hospital, deciding to all go to Richard's and Rachel's house for the night so they could all come back next morning at the hospital for Michael.
Of course, throughout all this, Rachel's parents asked many times where their daughter was. Both Richard and Kate not knowing, Rachel's parents became suspicious. So did her brother. Why was Michael's own mother absent? Richard's sister also asked where Rachel was but never once though her brother may have done something wrong. family, after all, look-out for each-other, take care of each other, protect each other.
And so, after a very long day, while the sun was setting down, the close family of Michael left him in the hospital, in good care, knowing he was safe. Michael's father, sister, grand-mother and grand-father, his mother's parents, his godfather, his mother's brother, and his godmother, his father's sister, all went to Michael's home to support each other, love each-other, and be there for him the next morning.
Rachel
Arriving home and seeing all those cars, Rachel immediately thought about Michael. Maybe a few hours ago, less then 12 hours, she may have thought this was for her, a consequence of her bad, immoral behavior towards her own son. But at this time, the only thought that came in her mind was Michael. What had happened to my sweet Michael.
She immediately rushed to her home. When she entered, she saw her parent holding her daughter and her husband.
As everyone turned their heads towards the door, they all saw Rachel. "Where have you been all day?" Asked Richard. "Yeah mom, where did you go after leaving my brother?"
Uncertain to what to say, Rachel asked: "Where is Michael, where is my son?"
Walking towards his wife, Richard took both his wife's hands and said to her: "Rachel, Michael, tried to take his own life today. He is OK now, but he is at the hospital recuperating."
'What do you mean? Where is he? What happened? Rachel began to panic, and it took several minutes for Richard and her parents to calm her down and explain the situation as best they could.
Rachel could not process at first all this information. She was shaking, crying, and mumbling incoherently at times.
It took Rachel's mother to finally calmed her down. After holding her in her arms and saying soothing words for several minutes, Rachel finally stopped trembling. She then kissed her mother, thinking how good she always had been to her throughout her life, contrasting to her own behavior toward her son, and said "I must tell you all something. It's good that we are gathered here because I have let you all down.'
Being protective of her daughter, Rachel's mother told her that maybe now was not the best of times, that they should focus on Michael now. Rachel's mother was thinking that whatever her daughter wanted to say must have been something between her and Richard, so she convinced Rachel to just relax and maybe go take a shower or a bath to try and calm down.
Hearing those words, that now was the time to focus on Michael and not whatever problem she might have, Rachel felt guilty again. She taught maybe she was being selfish again, wanting to confess what she had done at that time. Maybe it would be better to wait. She decided to take her mother's advice and go take a bath in her bathroom.
Rachel went upstairs, went to her and Richard's bedroom, and went to their bathroom. She undressed, looked at herself a long time in the mirror while the bath was filling-up. When the bath was filled with hot water, she slowly entered in it, trying to relax. But she couldn't relax, not really, but she tried anyway.
Richard
After Rachel left to go take a shower, Richard talked to everyone to thank them for coming. He finally went to his daughter to make sure she was OK. As he was talking with Kate, he heard someone knock at their door. "What now? Said Richard before walking towards their front door. Opening the door, he saw a young boy, probably the age of Michael. 'What can I do for you?" Richard asked. "Hi sir, a friend of mine asked me to give you this. He said you should watch it", answered the stranger. "What's on it?" asked Richard. "Just watch it sir", the stranger replied, turned around and left.
Puzzled, Richard looked at what the stranger had given him. It was a flash drive.
Rachel
After getting out of her bath, Rachel wanted to go to her bed and sleep until tomorrow, but she knew she had to be with her family right now. Now may not be the time for her to finally tell the truth, explain everything, but now was the time to show she was there for others.
Rachel went to her room, put new clean clothes on and went downstair. When she got to the first floor, she couldn't see anyone. She looked in the kitchen, the dining room, and then went to the living room, where everyone had gathered. Entering the room, she first saw her daughter, Kate, being hugged by her grandfather. She realized she was crying and was saying "Why? Why?". She felt sad for the pain her daughter had but was glad that her grandfather was here to comfort her.
Rachel looked at her father's face, smiling, but was puzzled at his expression. Her father was white as if he had seen a ghost. When her father saw her, his mouth opened, but he didn't speak, he just staired at her like that, mouth opened.
A bit startled, Rachel next noticed her bother. He had his back turned away from everyone and was facing a wall while holding his face with both his hands. Finding this a little strange, she looked at the couch where her mother and her sister-in-law were sitting. Richard's sister was starring right in front of her, expressionless. Her mother was looking in the same direction, but she had both her hands over her mouth, as if trying to mute a scream or something.
Then Rachel looked to her left and saw Richard sitting in his chair. He was staring in front of him, with eyes that were barely opened. But the thing that stood out the most about her husband was his hands. Richard had both his arms placed on the chair's arms rest, but his hands were clutched in a fist. He was squeezing his fist so tightly that his knuckles were all white.
Finally, Rachel looked at the direction her husband was looking at. She realized they were are looking at the same thing, and that her brother was turning his back to that very same thing. They were looking at the giant tv that was hanging on the wall. On the screen Rachel saw a despicable scene.
She saw a man, a very young man, immobilized on a chair by duct tape. The chair had been placed, or pushed, so the trapped man was laying on his back, his legs dangling in the air, also taped to the chair's legs. It was obvious he couldn't move or escape. The man was completely drenched and was in the middle of a pool of some liquid. Right above his head, a woman was on her knees, naked, and she was holding her vagina right above the trapped victim's head.
Then the woman moved away a little, positioning herself on all four. And this woman placed her head about a foot just over the victim's head, the image zoomed-in. Rachel could see that the victim was barely aware of his surroundings. Was he drugged? Unconscious? But the worst thing about this image was the look on the woman's face, those eyes. Rachel saw evil in those eyes, on her smile.
Rachel heard the woman on the screen say: "that's right Michael, you are a toilet now, you fucking dickhead" and then she spat on his face.
- Oh no! Said Rachel.
The End
- COMMENTS
Yall can someone actually help me. Its almost like i cant get this fanfiction out of my head,please help this shit is too disturbing there should be a fucking warning or this should just get taken off this site. How do i forget this
Amarasexy,PLEASE don't make rachel a psychopathic cruel and make her attempt to murder or hurt micheal even more. and IF YOU DO,please make micheal get his revenge on her. That's what i hope u do.
I also wish, nothing sexual with my mom (ark!) but bad stuff. Mommy was a stay-at-home mom, and the first time I missed school for being sick (the flu), I was in my bed with fever. Maybe 7 or 8 years old ? At lunch, my professor of the time called my home and said she just watch me walking across the field with my red snowsuit (Québec City) it gets cold. I never owned a red snow suit. Mommy knows that. I was feverish, never moved. Mom was always seeing me. When she got the call, she punched me so hard in the face (I swallowed 2 tooth). Sorry, not all Mom are good moms
Yeah, I'm starting chapter 2 tonight. Doesn’t mean it will become a story, but I have enough to start. When I read Aspeeger27 follow-up, it got me invested again in these characters I invented. At first, when I started reading the last part of Aspeerger27, I thought, OMG! He is going to make Rachel kill Michael, that’s why the diversion outside the hospital!
Anyway, I think he did a great job at providing closure for people who wanted the bad people get what they truly deserve. I’m not going there. Doubling down on the madness and mother’s cruelty (unfortunately still from real world and personal experiences).
I know how to get there (breaking point) just don’t know what Rachel would do once there (at least I’m not that sick and disturb). Plus Literotica rules
Only 2-ways I see this story going forward with this crowd (the kinky):
Obviously, the family would cut ties with Rachel. Why don’t they press charges? Because Michael won’t allow it.
Michael still loves her mother; Rachel still wants to have a relationship with her.
So, Rachel HAS to move out, no change, but she is lost. She is now separated, in the process of being divorced. In this scenario she can:
a) Start a romantic relation with Michael
b) Start resenting Michael for destroying her life
A particular case in Japan comes to my mind.... Not at all similar to the plot that happened here, not even associated with mother son... But similarly horrific and chilling, I guess you all know which case I am talking about. RIP JF.
Yeah, one of the best stories of its kind. You don’t skip out on the consequences, which I think most do. Great work.
Guy's,please,remember this is a STORY and it is FAKE. Remember litterally no mother in the world would ever and i mean EVER do this to their son. Please remember,you came onto literotica and found this story. Not a local new's website. It's not real,no matter how painful the thing's this cum-slut excuse of a mother did to her son may seem,it's not real. Please remember this,if the story haunt's you or make's u feel hurt or anything.
I think first, you are a very talented writer. Next, this story chills me to the bone and that's saying something as I used to work in a prison as a substance abuse counselor and have heard all the heinous stories of some of the worst society has to offer. What this mother and the bully in the story did would make it into the top 5 of worst things a person could do to another. You said you write from experience and things you've seen. I truly hope that you have never seen or experienced something as evil and tragic as what you described in that story.
Aspeeger27 made his version of the sequel. Hope to see you other writers make your own version of the sequel to this story.
//rosa-blanca.ru/desixxxphoto/s/a-mothers-downfall-sons-revenge
You guys have got to make a continuation to this since Amara gave you permission to write a sequel
I know the point of the story is to make you hate rachel and want her to fucking die but holy shit,dude the only possible way for rachel to truly be forgiven is either
1.Rachel kidnap's collin somehow and then her and micheal together do to collin EVERYTHING she and collin did to micheal,except even worse. They could maybe even take shit's on collin's face and mouth.
2. Rachel willingly allow's micheal to flay her alive,pee on her and inside of her,and probably squeeze lemon juice and rub salt in her blood wound's.
Seriously,no amount of ''sorry's'' and ''i LoVe YoU sO MuCh SwEeTiE''s could make up for what she did besides the two i listed. Litterally.
If anyone here is actually planning to write a continuation,and want's to give rachel her comeuppance,and not let collin get away,and also genuinely redeem rachel,here's my idea's
1.Micheal will get a new girlfriend and disown rachel as a mother,micheal will choose his girlfriend over rachel in several instances,making rachel get jealous
2.Micheal's new girlfriend will end up beating rachel up for whatever reason,and micheal,instead of micheal defending rachel,micheal will sadistically join in and stop on rachel's hand and even kick her face,once they are both done beating on her micheal and and his girlfriend will have sex infront of rachel for atleast 15 minute's,and micheal will insult his mother ALOT. He will call her a porn addicted freak,a whore,a cumslut,a worthless 2 cent whore,that she should actually kill herself,an outcast to society,etc etc etc. And then micheal and his gf will both pee on rachel.
3.Rachel will come to a deep realization. She will come to the realization the only true way she can make it up to micheal is by hurting and getting revenge on collin infront of micheal WITH micheal. Rachel will feel anger at collin,she will blame collin for everything whilst also holding herself accountable. She will stop defending collin and actually kidnap collin and tie him up so micheal can get his revenge on collin all together for ruining their family
4.Rachel will tell collin she was only using him for sex,for the fantasy,she never loved him,and how much she regret's it,and she will actively hurt collin as well. She will pee on collin and in his mouth and everything infront of micheal,to prove that she actually love's micheal and not collin. And then micheal and rachel will love each other again when they either kill collin OR just traumatize him just as bad as micheal or even worse.
If anyone actually read this comment, you can refer to me as ''redeem'' lol
As Amarasexy said
I have received a lot (more then 10, so to me a lot) request to expand or write follow-ups to this. All from a do not reply to this e-mail meassage. So I proclaim, as my english teacher once told me, once a story is out, it no longer belongs to you. So my answer is YES, write the follow-up, just send me the link you talented writers"
So please, anybody, make your own sequel to this story by dropping the link to your stories here.
That sounds like a good idea for a continuation, although Michael and his girlfriend should also get revenge on Collin
To answer your question Anonymous, the creator has said that you or anyone else could write their own story since they've given permission. I'm not sure if Asperger27 will write his own continuation of this fic or not.
I have no follow-up in me for this story. I poured my soul into this story (some from my life, most from real life that happens every day to others).
I realized why some were angry and though it was a cliffhanger, but in reality, this the Rachel story, and her life that stopped there, even if she made the right choice at the end, it was too late. That is the ending.
Is anyone ever going to write a continuation of this? seriously someone has to,i want micheal to heal up,get a girlfriend who truly loves him unconditionally,and then micheal will disown rachel as a mother,the girlfriend will violently beat rachel to a pulp infront of micheal and micheal himself will join in on the torture and beating,and then they will pee on rachel together :)))))))))) would be the perfect revenge
Wonder how Amarasexy would write a different version of this story with Collin getting Rachel, Kate, and Richard's Sister peeing on Michael.
Collin getting Michael's Mom, Sister and Aunt to do that would have been even more terrible
Imagine how much worse it would have been if Collin not only got Rachel to pee on Michael but also got Kate, and Richard's Sister to do the same
I really hope you talented writers are making a sequel to this story. I bet they'll do a great job at punishing that bitch Rachel and asshole Collin for what they did to Michael
Hopefully some of the authors make Rachel and Collin pay for what they did depending on how one of the authors here decide the sequel to go.
I agree with you other anonymous, I'm also waiting for when the other writers link their own version of the aftermath
Checking every day...need to know what Rachel does and happens to her and Michael!
Is anyone planning to write a continuation of this story? It was very good, I do agree more sexual details in the taboo acts. This story gave a great range of emotions, anger, guilt, and excitement of course...thank you!!! .its just a fintional story, calm down fantasy haters lol
Hey all you writers, of any of you are making a sequel to this story, please tell us what you have in mind in the comments so we can hear what you've got.
That bitch should be vertically gutted from cunt to chin!
Honestly, for a person to think up and write this shit, they prolly got a few screws loose. There might be a need for someone to keep an eye out to ensure they are not living out their screwed up fantasy in real life.
If anybody's making a sequel to this story, please remember to leave the link to your story here.
I don't know what you're talking about when you say that "Destiny" will be worse compared to this story. I mean we've read what Rachel did and I think that'd definitely be more messed up compared to rich bad parents neglecting their child.
Destiny is just really a working title - 60% written but that's it, It's about teens, one white neglected rich parents one involving a loved black teen. The white teen is basically left alone in a house by the uncairing parents while the black teen has his (bad dad - loving mom parents home, all the time. The MC is the white kid. The Hero is the black kid (in the end). It's a good story, I just don't have the talent to finish it
Anybody got any ideas what "Destiny" could be about?
Based on what AmaraSexy has said, Density might be even more extreme then this story.
Hope to see all of you amazing writers' continuations on this story. Just remember to put the links here so we can read them.
So I'm guessing Collin is 5'10.5 right?
What about Rachel's husband Richard and the rest of their family?
On the topic of continuing stories, can any writer please continue this story?
//rosa-blanca.ru/desixxxphoto/series/se/13016
When you writers are done with your continuations of this story, please make sure to have Rachel and Collin pay for what they did.
Wish you all luck. And don't forget to put the links here.
I don't know how tall Collin is, in my mind he was imposing (he is a bully), so over 5'10 ?
- Anything, always, I am a follower of your work anyway, and a learner, if my writings inspires you, please, do ALL of us a favor and go ahead. Full blessing (send me the link please, altough I am following you so)
I've searched through your "My Mom's Corruption" series and couldn't find Chapter 7 part 2.
I don't think the other meant any offense to you since on your My Mom's Corruption playlist, Character 7 Part 2 doesn't show.
l
If you WERE one of my fans of that series, then you would know that in chapter 7 part 2 of "My Mom's Corruption" Seth becomes a subservient sex slave to his new school's principal and that Monica and Maria take Doug with them on a trip to visit their "home country". They also make amends to Doug.
I'm one of your fans of your My Mom's Corruption series but what are you talking about?
I've re-read the full story and where did it say that Seth got punished by the school board twice and got made into a pathetic sub for his female principal at the new school? Or the part where Monica and Maria take Doug on a trip to see their home country?
Have you finished Chapter 7 part 2 yet? Is that what's going to happen next with what you mentioned?
I got a email like that too asking me to write a follow up for your story.
The thing is, would you be okay with that? I know you stated that once your story is published you have no control over it.
But you do.
You can request that people ask your permission in order for them to write a follow up on your story.
I know I ask that of anyone who wants to make a follow up/different take on one of my stories.
Also.... before I forget.
To the who said that Monica and Maria continued to be Seth's sex slaves is false. The last chapter was about them realizing the harm they did to Doug. Seth's gets punished by the school board TWICE and is made a pathetic sub for his female principal at his new school. Monica and Maria take Doug on a trip to see their "home country".
Obviously you didn't read the full series.
, would you want me to write a follow up on your story?
Because I can if you want me to. Just send me a email through my profile on here.
Hey you talented writers, please, please, post the links to each of your respective follow-ups to this story, I and AmaraSexy are sure they're gonna be great! Wish you all luck on your versions of the follow-up
Oh and Anonymous, thank you so very much for understanding what my story was telling, you are the best and descibed it best :Despite the need of an editor to handle grammar, this story was very engaging. Brief on details I filled a lot in myself so it worked.
Unlike others, I cannot say this is sexually exciting for me. The damage done was too realistic. While I enjoy women being evil and betraying those that love them, those acts of violation are described in such omniscient a manner that the mother's pleasure is not communicated. Everything that happens with the mom's actions is written with such brief detail that they are emotionally communicative rather than sexually exciting.
Don't feel that this is a criticism that should be felt negatively. I rather like it. This story really communicated the suffering and pain, all of which seemed to be more realistic depictions of what, how, and why. The mother is clearly a little unhinged, as her husband describes her being very withdrawn into what the reader knows to be her fantasy life.
I like that this story shows consequences. I read this wanting to fap, couldn't fap to it and finished reading out of investment. I am going to be haunted for days to come. Good work.
100% what I was getting for, I can't write, but I know I can write a story. Just than you
Destiny is a long, long story (you know I post in one shot, always) - I am scared to finish it and post it
It is very different. It has first times, strong bully ellements And strong cruelty elements, but some good element (few) a story-wide good ending but a good "ending" but only after really bad stuff (torture). If people wanted me dead for this "mother" story that emergerded while writing "Destiny".......just wow, I cannot post Destiny. Maybe one can finish it (make it polish it because the story is all there). I Always thought of Bella Thorne as the GF
And sorry for the grammarmistakes, i did pay for an on-line editor, that was why I posted again. I guess they are not that good (blame me I didn't think I needed one)
I have received a lot (more then 10, so to me a lot) request to expand or write follow-ups to this. All from a do not reply to this e-mail meassage. So I proclaim, as my english teacher once told me, once a story is out, it no longer belongs to you. So my answer is YES, write the follow-up, just sebd me the link you talented writers
Since Rachel is 5'7, Michael is 5'5 and Kate is 5'10 then how tall is Collin, Richard and the rest of the family?
Could there be an alternative chapter where Rachel pisses on Collin and not her son or any other family member? It would be far better if Rachel lived out her fantasies by peeing in Collin and he drank it all.
I have an idea for a new story, a young tall muscular stud having sex with two MILFS after their husbands abandon them. One MILF is submissive while the other is dominant.
Despite the need of an editor to handle grammar, this story was very engaging. Brief on details I filled a lot in myself so it worked.
Unlike others, I cannot say this is sexually exciting for me. The damage done was too realistic. While I enjoy women being evil and betraying those that love them, those acts of violation are described in such omniscient a manner that the mother's pleasure is not communicated. Everything that happens with the mom's actions is written with such brief detail that they are emotionally communicative rather than sexually exciting.
Don't feel that this is a criticism that should be felt negatively. I rather like it. This story really communicated the suffering and pain, all of which seemed to be more realistic depictions of what, how, and why. The mother is clearly a little unhinged, as her husband describes her being very withdrawn into what the reader knows to be her fantasy life.
I like that this story shows consequences. I read this wanting to fap, couldn't fap to it and finished reading out of investment. I am going to be haunted for days to come. Good work.
There needs to be a continuation with Rachel and Collin facing consequences for what they did to Michael. Like another comment said, the video was filmed in Collin's house so he'll also be in trouble like Rachel.
This is one messed up story. I do not mean that in a bad way. It is so complex. My suggestion for the next time - get someone to proofread your work. I understand that English may not be your first language but there were so many grammar mistakes that it took away from the story sometime. You need to be careful with pronouns, it made it hard to understand at times.
I read the "Mom's corruption" story and while Seth did get punished by the the boarding school in the first chapter. Where did it say that Doug went on a vacation with Monica and Maria to their home country? Seth went on the trip with Monica to her home country while Doug stayed with his Aunt Maria. If Monica and Maria did regret what happened, they would have stopped having sex with Seth and spent more time with Doug considering Seth changed his attitude once Maria called him out on pretending to care about Monica.
This story stands out to me. In a good way. I like Femdom and the way the mother betrays her son, husband and the rest of the family is shocking but also very hot. I understand humiliation, Femdom and BDSM is not for everyone but you are a good writer and you encapsulated all of those things beautifully. Having said that I did like the first part much better than the last part. I like the fact that you did not end this story as a happy ending. I wanted the mother to some how get thru this in a evil kind of way. To me the mother was making this story go and when that stopped it lost some momentum. I really like to see authors who are not afraid to use Femdom/Taboo with humiliation and you did an excellent job. Writing about family members who betray and humiliate with Femdom is a tipping point for some readers who will not accept that kind of cruelty but to me you make it shocking and that is good writing. Five stars⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.
Asperger27's "mom's corruption" is nothing like this. Yes there was the one scene the bully pissed on him, but in the end, he got his comeuppance. He was disciplined by his boarding school's principal. While the son went on a vacation with his mom and aunt to their "home country" and fucked both if them. He even stated in his story that the mother changed her ways after she came to realize her actions.
Same as his other story that has the same element but ends with the bully moving in and living with the mom and inpregnating her.
doesn't do that with their story. Asperger27 gave details leading up to the mother's actions. AmaraSexy barely touched on it.
Plus their story didn't make sense.
Like Asperger27 said in his comment:
| All of this was her fucked up fantasy about pissing on someone in her family with her lover? Yet it wasn't a fantasy. She actually pissed on her son with his bully.
So you trying to roast him because his one of his stories has a similar setting is just wrong.
Learn to send emails to him and he'll respond in kind.
Fucking dumbass anonymous
To another Anonymous and AmaraSexy comment: Rachel didn't say "oh god!" Or "oh shit!" She said "oh no!"
So I see that you are a fan of that story series then I take it?
Yeah Monica DOES defend Seth, but after the damage is already done. She didn't know Seth was still bullring her son despite him saying he wouldn't anymore.
Her marriage to Seth's father was because he was a strong make, like I described him in the first chapter. A man who takes no shit from anyone and even his son is afraid of him.
You do realize that in the last two chapters Monica and Maria realized that he was still a douche and tried to amend themselves by doing right by Doug.
Now tell me... how is my story "mom's corruption" similar to this?
It's not. So you trying to act high and mighty isn't doing you any favors Anonymous troll.
Like I say to everyone who reads my stories, if you got something to say, write me an email and send it to me. I'll respond in kind.
you're one to talk considering you wrote a couple of stories where the mother betrayed her husband and son.
Or that story "My mom's corruption" where the mother, Monica Desper, had sex with the bully, Seth Dougerson, of her own son, Doug Desper, and even defended Seth, her son's bully. Her younger sister, Maria, and Doug's Aunt ended up siding with Seth and even had a threesome with her sister and nephew's bully. Seth even said that he knows that Monica was aware of him lying when he said that Doug hit him when it Seth who hit Doug when he told him that'd he'd be having sex with his Aunt and Mother. Seth also said that it Monica thought it was funny and liked it when Seth bullied her son. Monica shrugged her shoulders when Monica looked at her after Doug said that Seth told him he was going to have sex with his mom and aunt.
In the latest chapter, Seth pissed on Doug's face and made him watch as he had sex with his mom. Later on, Monica only married John, Seth's Dad, to become Seth's Stepmom so she'd continue to have sex with him. When she became Seth's Stepmom, she did nothing as Seth made Doug watch as she and him had sex with each other, at first she was disgusted by it but even grew into having sex with Seth in front of Doug. If she was disgusted then she should have told Seth that they shouldn't be having sex in front of her son.
When Seth and Doug got into college, Monica and Maria would send photos and videos to Seth of them playing with each other. When they visited Seth and Doug, they hugged and kissed him and then reluctantly hugged Doug and then immediately went back to Seth. The moment Doug left his and Seth's room, Monica, Maria and Seth all had sex with each other and locked the door while Doug sat outside and listened for 4 hours, two guys even congratulated Seth for having sex with two MILFS.
And worst of all, Monica and Maria became pregnant with Seth's kids. Monica happily told her son that his half sibling(s) and cousin(s) would be born thanks to his bully. She then walked out of Seth and Doug's room without even looking at her son.
Monica Desper is a 41 year old woman and chose to have sex with her 19 year old boy toy, Seth. A boy toy that was only one year older then her 18 year old son, Doug. Monica started out as a strong willed woman but eventually became a slut for Seth after she and him had sex on their trip. Sided with Seth over her own son when they returned from the trip and was even cold towards him.
Maria (whatever her last name is) is a grown woman (you never said her age) who while younger then her older sister Monica, also started out as a strong willed woman and cool aunt until the character where she saw Seth's huge cock and sucked him off while lying to her nephew about wheather or not his mom, her sister, was having sex with Seth. She sided with Seth when her sister and him returned him.
Both sisters, Monica and Maria had incest with each other and even sent videos and photos to Seth and had Phone Sex with him while Doug listened. And they became pregnant with Seth's kids. Monica would be 42 years old by the time she gives birth to her kid and Monica is also a grown woman by the time she'll give birth to her kid. Seth will be 20 years old when his kids are bron. What's gonna happen in 10 or 20 years once Monica is 52 or 62 years old and when Maria also gets older? The two sisters are gonna be old and Seth will be 30 or 40 and will definitely leave both of them since they'll be too old for him.
What are Monica, Seth, and Maria's kids gonna think once they find out that they're not only siblings but cousins at the same time? Or when they learn that their own mom/aunt betrayed their uncle/brother thanks to their father turning Doug's aunt and mom into his sluts?
What will John Dougerson think once he finds out his new wife, Monica, and Sister-in-law, Maria, had sex with his only son, who's barely an adult. Or the fact that his new stepson, Doug, has been bullied by his stepbrother, Seth, who's also made him watch as he screwed Monica and Maria for who knows how long. Or that the kids of his son, Monica, and Maria are gonna be both siblings and cousins at the same time?
Doug hated what Seth did when he turned his Aunt and Mom into his sluts which is odd considering he had incestuous thoughts about his own mom and aunt, even jerked off to when Seth was having sex with Maria and Monica.
Quite hypothetical of you to say. Even though what AmaraSexy wrote about was even worse then your story and other stories about moms becoming sluts for their sons' bullies and leaving their own sons and husbands behind for their boy toys.
Just curious, what date was the original posted on? And is it just me or has there been more words added?
Then instead of listening to criticism and complaining about it, correct your mistakes and try again.
Get another author to proofread your stories.
Plus no offense but the story was jumping all over the place. You switch from first person to second person to third person frequently. Stick with one type of POV.
Also as an author how can you not know what your characters are saying?
She clearly said "oh god!" not "Oh shit!"
Plus the way she said it sounded like you were thinking about adding more too it, but left it unfinished. So yeah you should talk about the aftermath of when the family watched her tape. Write about how her family now hates her. Write about her path to redemption.
Give us what we want on here... a good fucking story.
I just can't believe I have to say this, but after she says "oh shit" and her whole family have rejected her (read the story) and she says "oh shit", that's the end!!! She is exposed!!! Her family now knows why the son is that way, she tried everything to hold on to reality, ever pushing it further away everytime. You want a chapter about divorces? Court battles? I am sorry about my grammar (how DARE is English not my native tongue), but I tried to correct my previous mistakes, I care that much. And when you comment about how much you hated the first time, and still hate it now, why are you even reading me?
So let me get this straight... all of this was just the mom's fucked up fantasy of pissing on someone in her family with her lover?
Oh wait no... it's not a fucked up fantasy. SHE ACTUALLY DID! She pissed on her son and made him swallow it.
Then acts like oh it was just a fantasy I didn't do anything!
What next? The family finds out about her fucking affair with Collin and and does the same thing to her AND him. Oooh then they leave them tied up with duct tape and set th house on fire.
That would be the BEST ending after reading this shit!
Fucked up beyond belief.
Its super hot but either make the mom and bully a couple or give us the aftermath
Again you disappointed.
We really don't want a rewrite.
We want to know the aftermath.
We want to see what really happened after the discovery.
"Somehow, it feels like I'm betraying my own son."
.
Feels like? Really? How can the incredibly obvious be a "feels like"?
I stand by what I wrote after reading the first version: It's disgusting, but still better than all the other stories using a plot like this.
Now, this version is a lot cleaner and easier to read, but, sadly, still a long way's off from perfect. There are still multiple instances of wrongly formatted dialogue, many, many typos, and the lack of a proper ending makes it hard to digest. Nonetheless, from a psychological standpoint, it is still just as intriguing as the first story. If you think it's possible, I sure hope you'll write a sequel actually detailing the consequences, though I guess they're pretty obvious as the video should show Collin's home, so he'll have a hard time defending himself.
Every story needs a proper ending, some degree of closure. Some stories end leaving the reader wondering which direction things take in the end. This ending is nothing short of an extreme cliffhanger. A closing chapter would be very desirable, and in my opinion, very necessary. 5* work, but needs finishing!
I remember reading this story a while ago, not sure if this is a reposting or a rewriting. It had the same weird split between the fun fantasy bits & the boner killing aftermath. Still don't know what the point of the 2nd half is.